I could use some sound advice from someone not emotionally attached!

As much as you do not want to take him to the ER--that's probably where he needs to be right now.

They do NOT have to admit him. Honestly, they never DO want to, but sometimes that is how they get them the best care.

For one thing, he may need antibiotics, which would help him heal faster and you can't just get those w/o seeing a doc.

Pneumonia is not something to play around with. Take him to the ER and be his advocate--letting the drs and nurses know that you just need him evaluated and treated and that you REALLY don't want him to be admitted. If he is a difficult patient, they can handle that with a mild tranquilizer. My DH gets really, really anxious in the hospital and I ALWAYS talk to a doc out in the hall and tell them he will be 100% more compliant if they keep him calm. (He's in good health, still works FT and all--but he gets panicky and then he really is miserable.EVERY ER I have had to take him into has been GRATEFUL that I tell them he needs a mild tranq--he calms down, they can run all the tests and he doesn't get anxious to the point he's miserable.

Hopefully, once he dxed and you know just what's going on, likely you CAN take him back home. Hospitals are not trying to fill up with people who have good at home care. Yes, he may spend a day there getting his tests done, etc., but if you stand firm about bringing him back home, you should be able to do that.

BUT--you need a baseline about how sick he is and what he needs done.

And a LOT of elderly patients fight off covid. We don't hear about it b/c it's not 'news'.

Just for your information: I have learned that by thanking every single person who does anything for your DH--and thanking them honestly you will not end up on their 'trouble list' and you WILL get quicker and better care. It's not a sneaky thing to do, it just greases the wheels a little.

Good Luck with this.

This is something to discuss with his MD. You and your hubby--did you, when he was competent--discuss end of life wishes, wishes if either of you became mentally incompetent? Do you know if he would wish to stay home even if this wish cost his life? Are you willing to accept that? Does he want to be intubated? Do you want that for him? Are there pills he can take at home (there are; have you discussed with the MD). Will YOU be able to care for him? Are you vaccinated and boosted? If you become so ill that YOU have to be hospitalized who will act for your husband? Will you then call 911 to transport you both? Is there a support system or is this only you.
I am 80. I already have a POLST hanging in my home. I will NOT be going to the hospital; my partner is aware of that. If he becomes seriously ill he wishes to go to the hospital. I will do that. So much of this depends upon. And I think it is best you discuss this with your husband's doctor. You are correct in believing that you cannot see him in the hospital. Not only does HE have covid-19 in all likelihood, but you are exposed to it. So you are also correct in knowing that the arrival of an ambulance may mean you are taking your last goodbye, and yes, this deep cough indicates that the virus has moved already into covid-19 pneumonia. Do you have an O2 sat meter for finger? 20.00 ordered from your pharmacy; if you do not have one order by phone right now or have someone get it for you.
I hope you have some support. Do forewarn them that in all likelihood their coming to help exposes them. They should know that.
I am so sorry and hope you do well; most are recovering. I hope you will update us.

Honey, I going to pray for you. In this case is a difficult answer. No one wants to bear the responsibility of your outcome either way. My doctor has done this on several occasions, as have I. What you feel in your heart is right. What about hospice? People have gotten out of hospice on many occasions , but it’s at home treatment. although I’m not sure about the positive test result?

Your spouse could die at any moment from Covid neumonía and lack of oxygen. He needs to go to the hospital and probably he will be intubated. They can use sedation to keep him calm. Of course, there will be no guarantee that he won't die. His advanced age and dementia are odds against him.

Take him to the hospital NOW.

They will figure out what the problem is.

Once you know the problem, you can chose which solution you want. As Midkid58 pointed out you don't have to keep him in the hospital - he (or his medical proxy) can aways decline medical treatments and go home. But at least you will know what's really going on.

He's pretty certain not to survive if he's got untreated pneumonia at home. At the hospital he might have a chance of recovery.

Talk to his doctor first, but don't wait. Since it's the weekend, I'm sure they're going to tell you to take him to the ER.

Take him to the ER; you DO NOT have to put him on a ventilator/intubate him if you don't want to; it's up to YOU. He can be sedated & given IV antibiotics if that's the recommended course of treatment, along with oxygen if needed.

Sending up prayers for you and DH

Take him to the ER and tell them you must stay with him because he suffers from ALZ. If they don't allow it he will become combative. He has to see you.

Hospitals have access to the one monoclonal antibody that works still. Pavloxid. Remdesivir. Secondary treatments and diagnostics once a complication has set in.

He has a better chance being seen at the ER and of this condition not progressing.

Thank you all for your kind words. I will call his Primary Care Dr first thing in the morning and get his advice. BTW, both of us have had all 3 injections. I finished Chemo for breast cancer about 18 months ago. Other than aches and pains brought on by birthdays, we’re in pretty good health.

I will say this my father passed away from Covid and it was his wish to not seek treatment. He was 85. I say talk with his doctor and have an open and honest dialog about what you truly want, concerns the whole nine yards. Weigh out all your options.

One of my father's concerns if it was his time he did not want to die alone. That was his primary concern.

Since he is triple vaxxed it is also wise to consider that he may have blood clots these can also cause the symptoms you describe.

Helen, consulting with his MD in the AM sounds like a good plan.

Let the doc worry about the "what ifs". ((((Hugs)))))).

Let us know what you decide. We're here for you.

Tough decision. Have you called his doc yet? Most doc's do have 24 hour doc on call, it might even be his own doc. They may tell you over the phone just get him to the ER. It sounds as if you don't take him to the ER, you could lose him at home. People that are vaxed still suffer sever symptoms that can cause death.

It absolutely makes the decision more difficult that he has dementia.

No, you can't take care of him at home. Can you administer IV antibiotics and fluids that he will need if he's got pneumonia? No, you can't. A hospital can.
Will you be able to give him anti-anxiety drugs or sedation if necessary to prevent him from pulling out his IV and being agitated?
No you can't. A hospital can.
He has a positive Covid test. He's also elderly. My money is on pneumonia. He needs to be in a hospital.
You're worried about taking your chances sending him to the hospital because you think you may never see him again.
Keeping him at home and denying him medical care and you definitely will never see him again because he'll die.
Please take him to a hospital. That's the best thing for him because he needs medical care.

sp19690,

A person's chances of having Covid and not requiring hospitalization are greatly improved if they've been fully vaccinated. In fact they are all but guraranteed.
The Covid vaccine is not a prevention vaccination. A person can still get the virus and in extremely rare cases, and I'm talking getting struck by lightening, being the lone survivor of a plane crash, being abducted by aliens, and winning the lottery on the same day rare the person can get sick enough to need hospitalization and can even die.
So why don't you get back on your anti-vaxx nonsense and ride the hell away because no one's interested in your fight-picking here.
Here's a little FYI for ya. Two people I know developed blood clots in their lungs from HAVING Covid.. Both of them are anti-vaxx A-holes who refused vaccination and still do. Good luck with a lifetime of taking blood-thinners now. Also, the poster's 83 year-old sweetheart could have pneumonia that is unrelated to his Covid-positive status. He could have any number of secondary infections to the Covid that are causing him to be so ill.
The only way to find out is in a hospital. The guy needs to go to a hospital.

sp19690,

LovingDaughter can do whatever she wants with her mother. Wasn't her story about her mother not being vaccinated for religious reasons and she was having a hard time finding a care facility who would accept her mother being unvaccinated?
I believe my response to her was who can blame care facilties for saying no. Why should all the other residents be put at risk because one won't get their shots?
You know sometimes people need a bit of shaming. LovingDaughter's mother is in a very sad state being bedbound and on a feeding tube. I'll go ahead and say it. The poor woman would be better off dead than living like that. Getting her vaccinated would not be of such great benefit to her. It would be for the safety of the other patients in whatever care facility accepts her. It could be the deciding factor in what quality of care facility will accept her.
A person in the condition LovingDaughter's mother is in deserves to cared for in a decent facility. If Covid vaccination makes the difference between placement in a nasty dump without it, or placement in a decent facility with it then for the sake of mercy LovingDaughter should get her mother vaccinated.
The poor woman is bedbound and on a feeding tube. Really, what does she have to lose at this point.
Also, are you an expert on infectious diseases? You really wouldn't know if a lifetime of booster shots will be necessary. People get their flu shots every year. Covid isn't going away. Hopefully it will get to a time where people can go get their Covid shot every year like their flu shot.

Helen, how is your husband today? Were you able to talk to your doctor?

I hope he's better today? but I would call and see what his Primary Doctor has to say, please take care of yourself as well. Sending prayers for u both

Better to be safe, than sorry. Take him to a doctor for an appraisal. The doctor should be able to ascertain if he needs to go to the hospital. Do you have an oximeter? Read his oxygen level. If it is below 90% this is serious, go to the ER now.

Agree with some others. Call his doctor - he probably needs an xray of the lungs to look for pneumonia and get him on appropriate antibiotics. I'm sure doctor can arrange the xray without admitting him. If serious enough, he might need to be inpatient to get the stronger meds. I wouldn't wait.

sp19690,

Clearly you don't agree that Covid vaccination be a requirement for a person to gain or keep employment.
I would like to ask you a question out of curiosity on my part.
Do you think mandatory drug-testing should be a requirement for a person to gain or keep employment? Even if said person has never given the slighest indication of illegal drug use and has also given zero evidence for probable cause? I only ask this because most of the people I hear who are all about vaccination being an individual's choice and there should not be any reprocussions if they refuse, are always one-hundred percent onboard with mandatory drug testing by employers.
Please don't get the wrong idea about me asking this. I have never done drugs. I do not smoke pot, I rarely drink alcohol and I don't smoke cigarettes anymore. I'm just curious if you hold the traditional response that every other person I ever knew with your opinion on mandatory vaccination has on mandatory drug testing.

Folks, can we please support this lady with her very ill husband and take the Covid/vaccine/political discussion elsewhere?

The fear that if you take him to the ER you will never see him again is valid. This exact scenario happened to very good friends of mine. Pneumonia, remdesiver, vent, renal failure, death.

At 83 with advanced dementia, I would be inclined to treat him at home and let nature take its course. I would look up natural treatments for covid and pneumonia. The meds and vents are too much for many people to survive and I do not want that for myself or a loved one.

Good luck.

Please get a pulse oximeter. Check his oxygenation using his finger in the probe - especially when he has one of his coughing fits. If his oxygenation goes below 90% frequently, he needs to go to the hospital for supplemental oxygen, IV antibiotics, and IV steroids. If you keep him home with poor oxygenation, he will most certainly have a very poor outcome from his COVID infection.

I also suggest you talk to his doctor about his COVID infection. The doctor may be able to prescribe medications to take at home to help with the infection.

I know he has dementia, but can he carry on a short conversation? Would he be able to share what his desire is, whether he would want to go to the hospital for treatment or take his chances by staying home, knowing that staying home may end his life? Note: my bride also can’t stand to be away from me.
Such a tough place to be, but if he is done with this earthly life then may his desires be granted.
I would struggle with the same decision with my young wife (67 yo) who also lives with rapidly, worsening Alzheimer’s. Would I let her go to be free from this wretched disease? Could I recognize that this may be an avenue the Lord would use to free her?
I will pray for you.

Take care of him at home. A long story with my hubby but I rescued him, from a nursing facility, hours shy of dying. At the time, Covid meant no visitors and after 3 days hospital and 2 nursing home, he could not walk on his own and I had to lift him out of the wheelchair and into the car by myself. I went and got him against doctors orders and saved his life. He was so cold to the core it took two days of rotating sheets and covers in the dryer to keep him warm, vicks on soles of feet with socks on helped the deep cough, vicks on chest and back. I fed him NyQuil and Airborne chewables. In 3 days he was sitting up in his chair drinking coffee and arguing with the tv. He is blind and was confused and lost, no one fed him or turned him, housekeeping wasnt allowed to touch him or help him. The only thing they could do was let him call me from a cell phone to tell me goodbye. Well, he is home and its been almost a year since then. Keep him home, love him
and care for him like no one else can. My prayers are with you.

This is very hard for you yo answer me....I waited to take my husband until he was almost unresponsive..
At his insistance..he even refused the ambulance I had called the night before..he hated doctors and hospitals. and we lost him 14 days later. my husband does not have dementia..its my parents whom we (now I) care for. I waited too late ...and I want to prepare you. They probably will not let you stay with him and this is probably gonna be one the hardest thing you will ever have to do...either way...keep him at home or take him to hospital, it sounds like he is in bad shape. If you can find someplace that offers the moniclonial infusions..get it done quickly..that was not available for us...but you are gonna have to search for it..it is not ususlly offered up my hospitals and doctors. Praying for you I know your heart is in panic mode.

I’m so sorry this has happened to your spouse. I certainly understand and can imagine how very difficult this decision must be for you. However, it may be wise to seek medical attention, especially if you feel he may have pneumonia and is in pain. At least, give a call to his primary care physician and explain the situation. I do hope he gets well soon. I will pray for you and your family.

You are asking whether an 83 year old man, suffering with COVID, should go to a hospital? By not having him in an emergency room or calling 911, the neglect has already started. You are neither trained nor equipped to handle his level of illness. Medical personnel is able to handle his anxiety. Will he pass away in a hospital? Its possible, but it will be comfort controlled. If he does not get professional, medical care, its guaranteed he will die at home, and not comfortably.