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agency to assist with having an aide, nurse and physical therapist. Well nobody showed up besides a nurse twice, I was caring for her as she had a stroke in October 2022 so she is not mobile, incontinent, and takes two to assist her with transfers. I just became her daughter in law ab a month now as I married her son whom right now currently is incarcerated along with another son. I have tried my best to assist/ care for her so she can be back home but I’m currently 33 weeks pregnant, getting Braxton hicks contractions, and it’s getting very difficult for me to lift up on her. She currently had a rash that worsened over time to me having to bring her to the hospital ER to find out she is diagnosed with shingles, one hospital discharged her back home with me sending her home in an ambulance to me sending her back two days later but to a different hospital because the rash got worse. The ER DR admitted her to now looking to discharge her back home when there is nobody to care for her as I’m not capable of doing being almost due to have my baby, my dr doesn’t want me around her with shingles as it’s unsafe as well as me lifting up on her to assist with bathroom, to go to bed..etc. The nurse from the agency that seen her twice been coordinating with the hospital case manager making her aware of the situation at hand assuring them it’s unsafe to discharge her home and she is regressing in her care instead of progressing from not getting the proper care, physical therapy. My question is can they discharge her back home with no after care, and the case manager just spoke with me to get her Medicaid with spend down as she currently has Medicare/Community Medicaid. Isn’t her job as being the case manager to assist with help getting her Medicaid as she can get it done faster than me especially because she needs to get her placed back into a skilled nursing facility?

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Put in writing that mil is an unsafe discharge home. Period. Do not listen to promises that they’ll set mil up with home care as they’re obviously lying.
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ventingisback May 2023
But if MIL is mentally competent, she can go home if she likes, even if it's dangerous for her.
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Why?? Please don't answer. I'm not asking, so that you answer. (You can answer if you like, of course). Why did you marry a criminal who's in prison?? Even if he's the father of your future child, why did you marry a criminal??

I'm saying this, because maybe you make unwise decisions, and they will spill into your future for years...

About MIL, I guess you're living in her house? That's how you ended up being her caregiver? (I'm sure you wouldn't be attempting to be her full-time caregiver if you had your own house.) ...And you plan to continue living in her house, also when you succeed at placing your MIL in a NH? I'm guessing that's your plan.

If your MIL is mentally competent, then she's allowed to live in her house if she wants, even if it's dangerous for her. No one can force her to stay in a NH. She's allowed to discharge herself.

Please speak to a trusted, wise friend who knows you. Someone who can help you make wise decisions. You must rescue your future, and stay away from criminals.
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You are not obligated to have anything to do with this nightmare. Save your child. Save yourself. There is nothing in this situation that benefits you or your baby.

MIL goes to a facility. Pronto, however you can accomplish that.
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ventingisback May 2023
It's probably MIL's house. OP can't just kick the MIL out. If MIL is mentally competent, MIL is allowed to stay in her house if she wants.

"There is nothing in this situation that benefits you or your baby."

Benefit? It's possible OP is there because she wants to live in MIL's house.
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You really need to take a step waaay back from doing anything for this woman.

You're getting to the part of a pregnancy where you should NOT be lifting, and she's likely like lifting a bag of wet cement.

Is your husband going to be incarcerated for a long time or will he be around soon? This really is his and his brother's problem.

Do let the hospital SW work on a place to put this woman. You cannot care for her appropriately along with an infant.

I'm not going to weigh in on your choice to have married someone who is in jail. That is your decision, your life. All I'd say is, I hope you have a marketable skill, b/c you will likely have to work all your life and the better educated you are, the better a chance for a decent job.

Good Luck.
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ventingisback May 2023
"I'm not going to weigh in on your choice to have married someone who is in jail. That is your decision, your life."

Correct. It's your decision OP.
But I will weigh in on it: I warn you as a friend. Please OP, stay away from criminals. It'll bring a whole host of other problems in the future...
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Your priority HAS to be your child. Do you have family or a friend you can live with? This is not a safe environment for you and your baby.

You've only been married a month. When did your H go to prison? How long will he be there for? I hope he didn't marry you so that you would be his mother's caregiving slave.
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The social worker from the hospital should be filling out the Medicaid application with help from family as needed OR they can call a state social worker (APS) and get them involved to oversee her care. If you are the closest "family" available, try to assist the hospital SW wherever you can with the Medicaid Ap, but it is not your duty to do it yourself. That is what the SW is there for. The hospital SW did it for my father with my assistance. If they insist on keep sending her home, what you need to do is keep sending her back or keep calling 911 to have her transported by ambulance. Eventually they will get the message and not send her home again. It appears as if the ball is already rolling in that direction anyway which is good. So tell the case manager you will try to help in any way that you can with the hospital SW doing the application, but if that is not successful, they can call a state social worker to step in for assistance. If somehow they try to keep sending her home, keep sending her back to the ER via ambulance.
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What support do you have for your pregnancy? A midwife? Health centre? Use this service to ask for help for help for your social situation.

Sounds like you & baby have some real dangers to navigate - money, job? Place to live. Your MIL with care requirements is just the tip of the iceberg.

Seek help to start afresh.
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