She hasn’t even been at the facility long enough to establish her care plan or get her meds scheduled. Each additional hospital trip adds to her confusion. I’d like to just take her home but need resources and breaks. I’d also have to quit my job.
She is 90, falling can be a regular occurrence. If she has dementia coupled with other age related illnesses, memory care is most likely where she needs to be.
Giving up your job to become a full time caretaker is very risky at best, read around here, there are no resources to make up for a loss of income and not working will hinder your future, your mother will be gone and will have few options. It has happened over and over again.
There are times in life that we need to accept the reality of the situation and make the best of it.
My mother age 97 is in AL, my step-mother age 84 is in MC, they are where they need to be. For one I am not clinically trained for another, I will not give up my life for them, they are safe, they are well fed, they have activities and made friends, being with people their own age is also very important to their well being.
IMO there are not enough resources or breaks to make this a viable plan.
If you decide to “…just take her home…” she will continue to fall, and you will either need to be beside her 24/7 or hire 24/7 staff.
If YOU are her 24/7, she will fall with you, and you yourself and/or both of you may be injured when that occurs.
You and she may have come to the point at which there is NO decision to be made about her care that will satisfy you or make her totally safe and completely comfortable.
When that point is reached, you need to attempt to determine “the best you can do.
Also, consider the fact that falls and subsequent hospitalizations may or may not be adding “….to her confusion….”. At 90, with previously diagnosed Alzheimer’s/dementia, she’s confused, and will continue to be, and although the rate of her confusion may have some ups and downs, her abilities will not improve to enough extent that she’ll be substantially different at home.
Against my own “common sense” and the advice of anyone who had the courage to speak up, I kept my mother in my home for 9 months, and it was a disaster for us both, and for her cherished grandchildren, and for my husband.
When I moved her to a local, award winning residential care center, she fell, was meticulously cared for, was treated well, enjoyed her life once again, and allowed me to live a life that was not my “normal”, but far closer than when I had lived her life with her 24/7.
You need to make a decision on her behalf that has balance for you both. Throwing your own life indefinitely into the closet to care for her isn’t “balance”.
Do not quit your job, just send her back to the facility. Dogs bark, cats meow, birds chirp, and the elderly fall. It's just the way it is, and it is virtually impossible to avoid.
Are you independently wealthy? And have enough to pay caregivers to help you at $30 hour to give you breaks? And also have enough left over so you could live comfortably the rest of your life? If so, it might work for you to bring mom home, but just keep in mind, besides the expense, you will basically be sacrificing your life and freedom for the rest of mom's life.
Elders fall in hospital & rehab due to unfamiliar surrounds, different lighting & noises, numerous medical issues, (TIAs, BP, vertigo, knees give way, heart issues, other reasons ++). With dementia, brain changes actually cause falls too (ie damage to balance & proprioception areas in the brain).
Depending on character, former habits & ability, many elders will attempt to climb out of bed or stand & walk from a wheelchair despite not being physically able to. They forget. Despite being warned, despite signs on the wall, despite being a double amputee (true story).
Grieve & weep over every fall. But know that even with your eyes glued to her every waking moment in your home you will not be able to prevent all falls, nor hold her up without dislocating her shoulder or injuring you both. Safer to lower to the floor.
Sorry for the doom & gloom ☹️
Be the best advocate for falls prevention strategies wherever she is instead.
My mom is 93 and lives next door to me. She has fallen 3x in the past 9 months (requiring medical attention each time). My elder aunt with advanced dementia has fallen in her own home 2x, breaking something each time. Someone was in the home with her each time, in one case my cousin was walking right next to her!
With dementia, she won't remember that she can't walk unassisted. Unless she goes to LTC where she is in bed most of the time and monitored more by medical staff, she will keep falling there. BUT, if you take her home, how will you move her from point A to B by yourself? Is your home 1-level living? How will YOU keep her from getting up from a chair? It is against the law to restrain someone, even in their own home or for their own safety. You can have the facility put her mattress on the floor, but once she's up and about for the day, then what? You'll have the same challenge if you take her home.
Does the admin think that LTC may be an answer? If so, your mom will need to be assessed by her doctor for this.
So sorry about your mom situation…I’m with what everyone else here says.
If mom is a fall risk, she’ll be a fall risk EVERYWHERE, but a bigger fall risk in a house which is not built or designed around a dementia senior. Something super valuable I learned on this forum also is that home family caregivers do unpaid 24/7 work ( usually ) that requires a paid TEAM in other facilities. It’s unsustainable.
My mom is a big fall risk and needs help to the point where she needs supervision literally every waking second. For this reason and others it is literally impossible for me to care for her in my place. She’s in a small facility where I LOVE the people, and even then she’s fallen a few times. Her last fall happened when a poor caregiver used the restroom. Mom probably looked like she was resting, the caregiver went to relieve herself, then up and down mom goes. They called me feeling horrible but honestly there is no way to prevent every single mishap and certainly people need to use the restroom!
Your best bet might be to find a facility designed for seniors like your mom ( easier said than done I know! ) and work on mitigating fall risks within that facility. With mom in a facility you’ll still have your hands full.
Sometimes there are no good choices, it’s about picking the least lousy option. I really wish you the best!
If your mom is a fall risk, she will be a fall risk no matter where she lives. If she falls while in their facility, they have to have her looked at by a dr to make sure nothing is broken. If she falls in your home, you will be doing the same thing. I don't think quitting your job and bringing her home is going to solve anything, but it will make your life more miserable.
Please do not quit your job and do not have your mom move in with you. Caregiving is hard. It can take over your entire life with little or no reward and certainly zero monetary reward,. Have your mom evaluated by her PCP to ascertain whether she needs assisted living or memory care. In Colorado, the doctor has to perform tests and give orders to admit to either place. AL or MC are expensive. If your mom owns a home, sell it so she will have the funds to live in the facility. Her Social Security will offset some of the cost. Also, check the website for your state”s health department. In Colorado, the health department compares each facility by citations which is extremely helpful in selecting a good place for your mom. Another idea if a facility is not an option would be for her to age in place at her home and hire caregivers. This is expensive too. I strongly urge you not to take on caregiving yourself. Dementia is a difficult disease for both the patient and their families to cope with and it changes daily on how they deal with life. Very heart-wrenching and tiring for you to manage. Without a job, you will have no outlet. Please do not go that route. I wish the best for both you and your mom. Finding qualified care is the answer.
Sending a dementia patient to rehab in a SNF is an exercise in futility, really. You cannot successfully 'rehab' a person with dementia b/c they cannot follow directions or remember how to do prescribed exercises, etc. As far as falls are concerned, they cannot be prevented ANYWHERE, even in your home with you there 24/7. The very nature of dementia is the patient can't remember not to do certain things, and they have no sense of danger or what it means to be 'safe'. So they fall. My mother fell 95x in Assisted Living and then Memory Care AL, and it wasn't anyone's 'fault'; there was nobody to 'blame' except her, due to dementia making her forget she was unable to walk or that she needed help getting up or in/out of bed, on/off the toilet, etc. Falls happen, no matter where they're at.
It sounds like your mother would benefit from a hospice evaluation if you'd like to keep her out of the hospital. There comes a time when hospital visits just ADD to the issues the elder faces, and rehab cannot happen either. Then what? Then hospice comes in to help you care for mom at home. But if you quit your job, then how do you pay your bills? If mom qualifies for hospice, you may be able to get her admitted into a hospice facility; you can look into that. Does she qualify for Medicaid? If so, you may be able to get her admitted into a Skilled Nursing Facility, not for rehab, but to live and to be cared for there 24/7.
You may want to sit down a Certified Elder Care Attorney for an hour for guidance with the Medicaid process, and/or to discuss your options with mom. It was one of the better decisions I'd made with regard to caring for my folks for 10.5 years.
Giving up your job to become a full time caretaker is very risky at best, read around here, there are no resources to make up for a loss of income and not working will hinder your future, your mother will be gone and will have few options. It has happened over and over again.
There are times in life that we need to accept the reality of the situation and make the best of it.
My mother age 97 is in AL, my step-mother age 84 is in MC, they are where they need to be. For one I am not clinically trained for another, I will not give up my life for them, they are safe, they are well fed, they have activities and made friends, being with people their own age is also very important to their well being.
IMO there are not enough resources or breaks to make this a viable plan.
Good Luck!
If you decide to “…just take her home…” she will continue to fall, and you will either need to be beside her 24/7 or hire 24/7 staff.
If YOU are her 24/7, she will fall with you, and you yourself and/or both of you may be injured when that occurs.
You and she may have come to the point at which there is NO decision to be made about her care that will satisfy you or make her totally safe and completely comfortable.
When that point is reached, you need to attempt to determine “the best you can do.
Also, consider the fact that falls and subsequent hospitalizations may or may not be adding “….to her confusion….”. At 90, with previously diagnosed Alzheimer’s/dementia, she’s confused, and will continue to be, and although the rate of her confusion may have some ups and downs, her abilities will not improve to enough extent that she’ll be substantially different at home.
Against my own “common sense” and the advice of anyone who had the courage to speak up, I kept my mother in my home for 9 months, and it was a disaster for us both, and for her cherished grandchildren, and for my husband.
When I moved her to a local, award winning residential care center, she fell, was meticulously cared for, was treated well, enjoyed her life once again, and allowed me to live a life that was not my “normal”, but far closer than when I had lived her life with her 24/7.
You need to make a decision on her behalf that has balance for you both. Throwing your own life indefinitely into the closet to care for her isn’t “balance”.
Think about it. We’re on your side.
Floor low beds + chair alarms + increased supervision = less falls.
Very hard if not impossible to avoid all falls.
Elders fall in hospital & rehab due to unfamiliar surrounds, different lighting & noises, numerous medical issues, (TIAs, BP, vertigo, knees give way, heart issues, other reasons ++). With dementia, brain changes actually cause falls too (ie damage to balance & proprioception areas in the brain).
Depending on character, former habits & ability, many elders will attempt to climb out of bed or stand & walk from a wheelchair despite not being physically able to. They forget. Despite being warned, despite signs on the wall, despite being a double amputee (true story).
Grieve & weep over every fall. But know that even with your eyes glued to her every waking moment in your home you will not be able to prevent all falls, nor hold her up without dislocating her shoulder or injuring you both. Safer to lower to the floor.
Sorry for the doom & gloom ☹️
Be the best advocate for falls prevention strategies wherever she is instead.
With dementia, she won't remember that she can't walk unassisted. Unless she goes to LTC where she is in bed most of the time and monitored more by medical staff, she will keep falling there. BUT, if you take her home, how will you move her from point A to B by yourself? Is your home 1-level living? How will YOU keep her from getting up from a chair? It is against the law to restrain someone, even in their own home or for their own safety. You can have the facility put her mattress on the floor, but once she's up and about for the day, then what? You'll have the same challenge if you take her home.
Does the admin think that LTC may be an answer? If so, your mom will need to be assessed by her doctor for this.
If mom is a fall risk, she’ll be a fall risk EVERYWHERE, but a bigger fall risk in a house which is not built or designed around a dementia senior. Something super valuable I learned on this forum also is that home family caregivers do unpaid 24/7 work ( usually ) that requires a paid TEAM in other facilities. It’s unsustainable.
My mom is a big fall risk and needs help to the point where she needs supervision literally every waking second. For this reason and others it is literally impossible for me to care for her in my place. She’s in a small facility where I LOVE the people, and even then she’s fallen a few times. Her last fall happened when a poor caregiver used the restroom. Mom probably looked like she was resting, the caregiver went to relieve herself, then up and down mom goes. They called me feeling horrible but honestly there is no way to prevent every single mishap and certainly people need to use the restroom!
Your best bet might be to find a facility designed for seniors like your mom ( easier said than done I know! ) and work on mitigating fall risks within that facility. With mom in a facility you’ll still have your hands full.
Sometimes there are no good choices, it’s about picking the least lousy option. I really wish you the best!
It sounds like your mother would benefit from a hospice evaluation if you'd like to keep her out of the hospital. There comes a time when hospital visits just ADD to the issues the elder faces, and rehab cannot happen either. Then what? Then hospice comes in to help you care for mom at home. But if you quit your job, then how do you pay your bills? If mom qualifies for hospice, you may be able to get her admitted into a hospice facility; you can look into that. Does she qualify for Medicaid? If so, you may be able to get her admitted into a Skilled Nursing Facility, not for rehab, but to live and to be cared for there 24/7.
You may want to sit down a Certified Elder Care Attorney for an hour for guidance with the Medicaid process, and/or to discuss your options with mom. It was one of the better decisions I'd made with regard to caring for my folks for 10.5 years.
Best of luck!
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