Dad is 83 and mom is 81. Mom suffers from dementia (as did her father), and dad can’t see anything, can’t hear anything, can’t remember anything, and can’t find anything.
What preventive measures can I take NOW to prevent those things from happening to me when I reach their age (I’m 57 years young?)
On a side note… my wife is 17+ years younger than me and I promised to be there for her last breath (should of thought that one out?) She’s watching my parents decline (my sister and I share their in home care), and I don’t want to be like them at their age with my wife only 65+/-, you know? I have to start proactive measures right now. Thanks. Timothy
Tell your wife that you do not want her to care for you.
That if it comes to the point where you need care that you will move to AL or MC what ever is appropriate for the level of care that you need.
If you can afford it look into Long Term Care Insurance.
At some point look into Community Living for both you and your wife. As long as there is a Continuum of care available it would make any transition easier for both of you. You can enjoy retirement, not have the upkeep of a house, eliminate many bills that come with homeownership. And know that if either of you need care it will be there.
AND one thing to do now is...if you taking care of your parents is taking time away from your time with your wife and family then maybe it is time to move your parents to AL or MC.
And one last word, I have this hanging by my computer this is a partial quote...
I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with you. And then I realised...you spent the rest of your life with me.
Never make promises that you may not be able to fulfill and never make anyone promise you something that they may not be able to fulfill.
You never know what the future holds.
What you can do is tell each other that you will care for each other as best as you can as long as you can safely to do so.
I'm 80. I no longer listen to much of this. Most of this advice comes from young people parroting what they read in popular magazines or from self-styled "experts". Having worked in a health profession for many years and observed many people, my only medical advice would be: CONTROL your blood pressure and/or your blood sugar if a doctor advises. Try to avoid falls or accidents. Most other health advice is secondary. Don't obsess about your health.
Develop the ability to find the humor in everyday situations. There are many when we look around (maybe you can even laugh at yourself, sometimes)
Cultivate the activities you enjoy. Try some new ones that are not physically demanding. You will have time to share more with your wife. Take advantage of it. Keep in touch with old friends and make NEW friends whenever and wherever you have the chance. ISOLATION is the the most debilitating feature of old age, but don't count on family to provide all your care if there are options.
Keep an eye on community resources, senior living options, even care facilities, their costs and requirements. These may change frequently, but planning ahead is wise. Consult an elder care attorney, have him/her help write a will, (even if you are only middle aged, it can be changed later). Make wise investments that can produce cash even on the short term if needed.
Old age is something we can't live through. But we can make the last years some of the best in spite of it all!
of course you know the usual things:
-enjoy your life
-have fun
just kidding…
i mean, we all know the usual things:
1. eat healthily
2. exercise
3. get your papers in order (POA, will…). leave as little mess/chaos for other people.
also:
4. be surrounded by kind people (mean people will wear down your health). WHAT you eat, and WHO your friends are, is just as important. eliminate unfriendly people from your life.
5. be a kind person yourself
6. live a life you’re PROUD of (then, later, even if bad things happen, or bad health, you can look back with pride).
bundle of joy
(wearing my xmas reindeer antlers as i type)
HisBestFriend
(wearing my fuzzy slippers with Santa on them as I type!)
My parents were in their 90's and Dad wanted to sell the house [too much maintenance for him at that age] and move to senior living. My Mom said no, nada, never. She even refused to have caregivers in the house, but Dad wanted them. I tried, but Mom was a hornet and shoo the caregiver out. One caregiver told me my parents were in a bitter verbal dispute with each other constantly over having caregivers. If only they were on the same page.
I am dealing with something similar with my sig-other, who is the same age as I am. He wants to age in place, and have his grand-daughters help him when he gets much older. I am so against that, as I do not want to disrupt his grand-daughters college education, future careers and future home life. Guess he didn't learn anything when he and I both were trying to care for my parents. I was a basket case as my parents still viewed me as someone in their 20's or 30's with a lot of energy, instead of me being a senior citizen myself.
I am 85 and on very few meds. I work on what I have mentioned above. it is not fool proof but I strongly believe it helps. I do have CFS/FM but still do more than many my age. My family is very long lived so I work to keep as good a quality of life as I can. If you are going to be alive you want to be able to have a life.
I'm also 57 and have given my kids very clear instructions that they're not allowed to be my caregivers, and their only responsibility to me is to find a good care home or aide. I want them to focus on their own lives and kids and visit me cheerfully when they can.
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