I was on my way to visit dad in his LTC facility, so I gave him a call to tell him I was coming. Upon answering the phone, it dropped and was left off the hook. After that, what I heard was alarming….. I heard a bang - the phone dropped - and dad was in distress. I feared at first that he fell, but he was talking to himself and it sounded like he was trying to reach for something. Then he called for help. I continued to listen because I was curious how long it would take for the aide to get there…. About 3 minutes later, I heard the aides voice, “do you need something?” My father, clearly upset, said “yes! Yes! Look!” I then heard the aide say, “are you yelling at me?” Dad said, “no! Look! Look!” The aide continued to say over and over, “you’re yelling at me - you’re yelling at me….. I’m not going to help you if you yell at me”. I then heard my father say, “I’m sorry” (although he was not yelling AT her….. he was upset about whatever he wanted her to look at. Then I heard everything go quiet. I immediately thought she left - but I didn't want to believe it because I heard my father wheeling closer towards the phone, talking to himself and struggling again like before. He must’ve realized that the phone had fallen and was off the hook so he just hung it up. The entire incident was about 15 minutes. By this time I was in the parking lot of the facility and on my way to dad's room. When I walked into his room, I saw a huge puddle of water on the floor. I asked what happened and he said his entire cup of water spilled. (It must’ve happened when he answered my call and the phone dropped). I found the aide, asked what happened, and after first denying that she was even in my dads room, she said she wanted to help but had to take care of someone else. I told her that my dad's phone was off the hook so I heard the entire thing INCLUDING her telling him that she was not going to help him because he was yelling at her (which he wasn’t). She told me she was going to clean it now. I found the DON and the administrator, and told them what happened. After reaching out to the DON for almost a week, requesting follow up, I finally got a call. The DON said: she spoke to the aide and I must’ve misunderstood what she meant. She was called to another room and that’s why she couldn't help my father. I said, my frustration has more to do with the fact that it sounds dead like she left because she insisted he was yelling at her (again, he wasn’t). I asked how that’s acceptable to reprimand a resident and then leave them there and not provide help. The DON said that she believes that it was “cultural differences” and the aide will receive training. I asked if she was written up and the DON said yes. I asked for a copy of the report but haven’t received it yet. I still can’t believe this was acceptable!
I am so sorry. This has to be AWFUL to hear and you are completely correct in what you heard. This is power hungry abuse of an elder, and heaven only knows what she is doing to others there.
Get the ombudsman and demand she investigate this individual's history and let the DON know you will never give up on trying to protect your Dad.
Your writeup of this incident to us is exquisite. Copy and keep. Begin a diary and let them know you are. Consider a camera in the room for your Dad.
That aide told your father to stop yelling at her or she wouldn't help. From what you're saying, he was apparently getting agitated and excited over something and the aide did not want it to escalate.
Nursing home staff will always lie. This is a fact. Do you believe your father gets adequate care in his facility? If you think not move him to different one.
If you do think he's getting decent care in his facility, then it would be best if you don't complain too much because he'll be the one who suffers, not you.
Sure, this sounds absolutely evil and wicked but this is the reality in nursing homes.
The trouble with what you heard over the phone is it didn't tell you what was happening outside your Dad's room or who else was present. Of course I don't know the layout of the room or the hall or the other residents' rooms, and I don't intend either to make excuses for the sake of it, but do bear in mind that you didn't hear the whole story.
I agree with you about the inappropriateness but also the *uselessness* of attempting to challenge someone while he is upset. First make him comfortable, then when he is comfortable (and if there still seems to be any point) remind him respectfully that things usually get done quicker and with less stress if everybody stays calm. It is not the place of anyone to reprimand any adult who is not their subordinate - so not the aide, not the supervisor, not the DON herself should be taking your father to task - but from what you report I wouldn't quite agree that she was reprimanding him so much as defending herself: it seems she took offence at his tone. Have you seen her since this incident?
CNAs do not get training on how to handle people, especially those suffering from a dementia. Their course is 8 to 10vwks. This has to do with personality. It takes a special person to work in healthcare. And I have ran across a few that I can't understand why they chose the profession. If you don't have patience, don't work with the elderly. Its also a learning experience. Maybe this aide lacks experience.
I would let this incident go if Dad is being cared for in every other way. I may ask that this particular aide not care for him. I got along very well with the Nurse at Moms AL. When I worked at the VNA our nurses had a seminar for Dementia that I was allowed to go to. I suggested this to the nurse for her staff and she agreed it was a good idea.
I complained to the DON and social worker about mom being given a double dose of her Parkinson’s meds by an LPN.
The LPN told my mother that she was going to give her twice the amount so she wouldn’t have to return to her room later. Mom asked if taking two pills would hurt her and the nurse said, “No, it won’t hurt you.” So, mom took it. She wasn’t comfortable doing so but being old fashioned, she didn’t want to question the LPN’s authority.
Still, it bothered mom taking a double dose, so she immediately told me the very next day when I arrived for a visit. I was not happy about what happened and questioned my mom’s pharmacist about if mom was in any danger from taking a double dose.
The pharmacist told me to speak to the DON and social worker because she felt that this LPN was most likely also doing the same thing with other residents and placing them in danger. Mom was not in danger because it only happened once. Had it continued to happen it wouldn’t have been safe.
My mom was concerned that she would be treated worse for tattling on her for her inappropriate behavior. I told the DON that mom was concerned about retaliation. The DON said that the LPN would be instructed not to enter mom’s room. Another LPN was assigned to mom’s room.
I was satisfied with the way my mother’s incident was handled. I know for certain the LPN was written up because when I took mom to her primary care doctor and neurologist for her visit, they mentioned the incident to me. I did not ask to see it.
I would not be satisfied with how your situation was handled. It’s sad. It’s a sticky situation because my mom was only at the NH for rehab. It still should not have happened to mom though. Your dad is a permanent resident in his nursing home and doesn’t get to leave. He deserves to be treated with respect and kindness.
If cameras are legal there as they are here in Louisiana, I would absolutely place a camera in your father’s room.
Check in with your father often and let him know that you are keeping an eye on things. It’s hard to see our parents suffering with anxiety due to them being concerned about their care.
I know this is upsetting for both of you but I would try to display a calm demeanor and hope that if your dad sees that if you are being calm, he can start to relax too. Reassure him but don’t over react.
I do hope that this aide was written up about her attitude and behavior. It’s not an excuse but aides are overworked and stressed out. They are bound to snap occasionally. If an unpleasant situation continues, speak to the ombudsman in your area about your concerns.
Best wishes to you and your father. Take care.