I feel soooo worn out and alone. What can I do to improve my non-existent life?

If I may, without sounding corny, volunteering for a worthy cause is a fantastic way to receive abundant graces, plus helping others lessens the burden of self introspection. Bringing a smile to this world assures the doer a rightful place among the best of best. So many causes to choose from, there’s got to be one that tickles your fancy! Peace and Kindness!

It's great that all you people live in vibrant urban communities with so many exciting volunteer opportunities but what about those of us who live in small towns where there is very little available?

So glad you were there for your mother! That is an awesome thing, never forget that. I am sure that took its toll on you, but it sounds like you are telling yourself it is time to start doing things for yourself now. I think the first step is the basics; get fresh air and sunshine regularly, drink adequate water (distilled or reverse osmosis), exercise even a little and take walks. Then figure out the social piece. If you like dogs and can commit to that responsibility, find a rescue pup and go to dog park. It is a great time to get a part time job; employers can't find people to come to work. Your not alone! Best to you!

PS... take some naps in the sun to get that Vit D we need...

Surprised to hear so many suggest "volunteer" when everything is CLOSED for the last year, and still is in many states; you can't even donate to a animal rescue thrift store let alone volunteer to work there!!

I am in the same boat, older, its several medical issues that limit mobility, but I live in a rural area and getting out to walk in nature, even if I see no one is helpful. My last dog died in 2016 and want to adopt as soon as I am better at walking daily.

I DID seek out several specific FB groups and a few humorous ones... I do get to 'talk' to people that way daily, but there is no real friendship or follow thru of course.

Of all the Facebook groups on sewing, nature, history, politics, animal and humor I notice a serious vicious attacking and the admins forcing people to 'approve' or 'support' issues which have nothing to do with that group...so be forewarned.

Not sure if you are interested in writing your 'memoirs', or a family history -something along those lines, but telling that story and putting it down helps me revive memories, and as something reminds me of an event at age 6 or 36 I can add it to the story.

Our town has a senior center... a physical 4 story building that hosts daily groups, an early coffee klatch at 8am (too early for me) I was pushed to join at age 50, and everyone there was 70+, I tried again at 60, and everyone was still 70-80..now that I am almost 72 I realize it will not be much of a resource for me no matter my age... my area is so political in one direction only that I, and many others get booted off of even "NextDoor" a community chat group for 'neighbors' (lost cats, car thefts, where noise is coming from, etc) for mentioning or trying to discuss any candidate, or social topic. So while I didn't know any of them personally the rage, hate and speech oppression ensures I DON'T want to know them in any 'group' either. So I find I tend to stick to a couple of women's political groups where I can speak and have actual conversation. I've never been a joiner, so I do better as a loner in any case, but as more states open up at least i can choose to go places I want and have some level of contact.

If it is any consolation recent studies of young people, those under 20 and under 30 reveals no one has close friends anymore; most can't name one person significant as a friend, at least we had that in our youth.

Doing things for others enhances both their lives and yours.

You are way too young to be in a recliner! Your mom would not like it at all. Sounds like you need to be around people....go get that part time job or work in a store where you will always see new people...make friends go shopping at the stores.
You can only count on you and I gotta feeling you are pretty great.

It’s tough to be alone at this age and the quarantine from COVID has not helped. I find that I sometimes force myself to do something even if I don’t want to! Do you have a dog? My dog helps me so much when I get lonely cause he still needs my care! Just getting out and walking is so helpful too!

Get out into the sunshine. Be purposeful to attend to yourself…like you’re doing for your mom. Do anything you enjoyed before this journey began.

Your story sounds like mine….
single. No kids. Early retired last year. Lost my mom (and several close friends) last year after a decade of caring for mom alone.

I’m now Bored from the covid shut downs and being inside and not working. I Was also the person who always got friends together before I became a caregiver.

what has started to help me -
- taking short walks to get outside. - - found out my vitamin d was low. Have doc check yours.
Experiencing A few leg aches from not exercising as much but pushing thru. so start slowly.

started zoom cooking with long distance friends for virtual dinners. And find funny things to watch on tv Laughter is healing.

I also started going to outside places like the zoo or botanical gardens and Have just started inviting others to join me.
I plan to start volunteering and will consider part time work when covid gets better.
meditation is also great for your moods. The free “Insight timer “ app has wonderful “live” group meditations that help you connect with positive people around the world daily.

best of luck. You are not alone.

I think everyone's mental health is suffering just now. The situation is to blame but we often end up criticising ourselves.
Firstly take small steps to improve things and congratulate yourself on doing that.
Maybe join a new group locally. Volunteering is good and not so focused on social skills which might be rusty. Task orientated is less pressure to start with!
Maybe get a dog or a cat? Dog walking opened a whole new world to me after retiring. Covid has stopped some of that group stuff but I have faith it will re establish in time.
Good luck!

Caregiving can be draining and depressing.When you were taking care of you're mom, you may have lost yourself.  Add a year of covid isolation to it and you've got a lot of folks on "E".  You sound depressed.  I think you need a purpose that is for "you", not for anyone else.  Counseling is an option...so are antidepressants, but I would try a left instead of a right and see if you can't pull yourself out of it first.  Make a list of things that you have never done and set goals for yourself to do them.  We are not talking about anything difficult or way out there.  Start with baby steps.  I'm just going to pull something randomly out of the air like....have you ever walked a mile?  I mean a measured mile.  Drive a neighborhood route with your car to see how far that is and pick a morning to walk it.  I don't know what kind of shape you're in and maybe that is too short or too long.....adjust accordingly.  Once you have mastered that, increase it until you get to 5.  Have you ever put a puzzle together?  Pick a beautiful landscape of a place you would want to go and work on the puzzle until you complete it.  They can even be framed once completed.  Have you ever made a four layer cake from scratch, fully decorated?  Pick things that are fun and will take your full attention to do.  At the end of these little tasks you will know you can really do anything you set your mind to, you'll have a feeling of accomplishment and you will have something to talk about when you are with others.  My last suggestion is to get a little dog that needs rescued that can give you unconditional love.  Maybe he can join you on your morning walks.  Once you start feeling a little better you might want to try the job search again.  You will interview better if you're in a better frame of mind.

Go to church...there are groups and even if you don't join right away people will see you say hi...you may meet someone...go to 2 churches...even..go to smaller stores..talk with people briefly, the park district has senior classes..join list serv on the computer that you can chat on....senior activities...take up a hobby--go to the garden centers at places and talk with the people about plant care...go to a small cafe a few times...good luck...be positive and do the best with your health..you don't need meds..the public library---keep covid safe too...the relatives...we have the same thing and it's sad...we took care of our parents..and for those saying it's a burden...missed dad yesterday, everyday same w/mom and visited their graves yesterday and often...shame on them. Believe in God, don't use substances and get into good shape and pray. There are also many online masses to look at --makes you feel good believe me. We like cooking too. Good luck.

This has been the toughest year for everyone. You sound like you are very depressed. Please reach out to a healthcare provider. In the meantime please back away from the recliner and t.v! It is DEATH to the soul. Yes everyone likes t.v. and I love to binge from time to time but I also work F/T, have quite a few close friends even though family relations have really fallen apart in the last 2 years. Long story but it's very depressing not to have the support of your family. Seek counseling - maybe go to church? I'm also single with no kids so I feel you! I sometimes just go into stores or to the park just to see another human being! I'm an introvert but sometimes being alone too much is very depressing.

I try and stay healthy, cook, go for long walks, swimming. Find what you like to do - what are your hobbies? And then take steps to embrace that! God Bless and caretaking takes a toll. Even after the parent no longer needs our care the lingering guilt, i.e....did I do enough - should I have done more? Those thoughts can haunt. Try not to ruminate....Good luck to you!

I wish I could answer this for you but I am in the exact same boat you are andvit sucks. If you find an answer please let me know

Sounds like you're suffering from Depression. Your remaining family has let you know they don't want to be "bothered" with you (you're not alone, no pun, in this regard). Many people use death as a way to "close the door" to staying in touch.

You have to love yourself. If you can do that, then you're going to see how happy you can be.

Good luck.

The first steps are the hardest. Try some day trips just to get out and sight see. Get used to getting out of the house. Once a week then twice a week etc. hen in a month or two, make yourself go to a group or sign up for an evening class at a community collage.
Your health will decline if you don't get out or find a purpose.
You have "retired" from care giving but you can't retire from life.
Honor yourself and do some things for yourself.
Think about your childhood and teen and young adult years- did you have a hobby or interest you could start again.
Sitting around is depression or leads to it. It is very hard to change routine but you have to make yourself and it will get easier the longer you do.

What about starting with one day a few hours of volunteer work? It will get you out of the house & get your mind off yourself…& the “Woe is me” feeling. Inertia is real & even a walk of 20-30 minutes can help! Don’t worry about siblings who don’t care about you. Don’t waste time on them. I hope you can get yourself going….perhaps a therapist will help too? We can all use one as a result of being burnt out from caregiving. Let us know how you are. Hugs 🤗

I may not know the death of a parent but my dad has dementia and is living with me and I fully understand the no life thing even before he moved in with me I feel so young to be this old if you know what I mean. I just hope you will find whatever it is you need and are looking for. I try to take time with neighbors that seems to help some and I’ve never been a get to know my neighbor kind of person

me too, i had to make sure i wasnt the author and forgot lol Sounds like you are a people person w no quality people. Same here and family is the worst, you got ostriches i call them (to myself) that bury their head in the sand at the first hint of trouble and the talkers who dont walk the walk etc What do YOU like to do? think of what made you happy in the younger years or a new thing. Photography? Outdoors? You will probably have to improvise since we arent Spring Chickens now! lol I liked bicycles but have no balance for example, due to a wet stroke SAH So i got a recumbent trike basically ride slow and take pics. Trying and learning something new is good for stagnant brain- it grows new paths for nurons to grow on. Google Senior Center w your town or County, also the YMCA's, you just need a lil spark I bet, tc hope you find some activities and caring people, ditch the undesirables, they arent worth your frienship!

You're in a rut. It takes some energy to make yourself change your current daily routine. Go back to one of your groups, sign up for the planned outing and make yourself go - maybe it will help to get over that hump. You are probably depressed because of the current situation you find yourself in. Perhaps talking with a counselor would help you identify some things that would help get you back on track. The longer you sit in the recliner, the harder it will be to move (mentally and physically).

You are important. You did an important and invaluable service as a caregiver. Maybe your body needed a rest for a while, but you have to find something to give you joy in life again while you can enjoy life. Go outside and take a walk - pull some weeds in the flowerbed - anything to break the current routine.

Wow. Feel for you. Wish you were here and MY sibling as I am similarly in my 60's and approaching retirement within months. Never thought I would be, thought I would continue until maybe 67, but heck, I am exhausted. In fact could retire in weeks but would not get as much monthly as I would holding out till Dec.

Maybe when you consider these events, the reality is you are happier doing what you're doing and enjoying your own company more than what you expect you will encounter. ANd it's possibly quite true! Some of us are just not groupie types. No shame in that.

Maybe you might want to consider some volunteering? Maybe you might want to adopt a pup?
Wishing you peace and comfort and that you were here:-)

The 5 stages of Grief are
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
and Acceptance
Not necessarily in that order - either.
You , and your family, may have been going through grief before Mom’s passing. Then afterward also. I noticed what l call depression when my mother moved to assisted living. It got worse moving her into a nursing home. I know anxiety well.
l knew counseling could help me change the way l think. That’s what l wanted. Tools. She called it situational depression. Can’t change the situation. Can change how l think about it. Started with a one hour block outside. Walk and water - for me. Her idea .
Be kind to yourself. You have been through a lot. I hope the next chapter of your life will bring Joy .

Sorry you are having a tough time.

If your family are being jerks, blow them off. You don't need their negativity towards you. Don't put up with crap from them just because they're "family". So what?

Then what? Force yourself out of the house. Get in the sun. Start going for walks. No matter what your physical condition is, you can walk a little and add a little to it every day until you're actually taking a decent walk. Drive to different starting points if you need more variety.

Get up off that couch and get out to do something. Anything. Even if you don't feel like it. You obviously aren't really enjoying this place you're stuck in, so do something about it.

As mentioned, you could be suffering from depression. You might need meds and/or therapy. I'd pursue those options too. It might be short term to get you back on track.

Sometimes we all feel like we are the only reaching out to make plans. Sometimes it's true. Seems like many people are horrible at making plans. If you enjoy someone's company, then don't keep score of who contacted who last and just reach out and make plans. Invite a friend to walk or go to lunch with you. If you have to be the one, so be it. Just do it.

Maybe take some kind of a group class. Yoga? Tai chi? Even if you think you won't like it, could always give it a try and see what happens.

I'd look into volunteering somewhere which could be more interesting and flexible than a job. But if you want some extra cash, get a job. There are so many businesses that can't find enough employees these days, I bet you could find something pretty quickly.

Do something nice for yourself. Buy a new outfit. Get your haircut. Hire a cleaning lady. Or something else that you will appreciate and will make you feel good.

Time to move on and take some steps to improve your life!

I'm really sorry for what you've gone through and are going through. You sound like a good, kind person who's been deeply hurt. It also sounds like, understandably, you may be a little depressed. You have a lot to process. It may be really helpful to get out in the sun and go for walks, if you are able. It might even be helpful to journal, if that's not too overwhelming. If the despair you feel is too paralyzing to allow for that, it may be helpful to talk to a professional or talk to God. You showed real strength reaching out to this group. I feel that same strength will enable you to get the help you need, and deserve. I was a caregiver, too, until my mom passed away in April and I am sending you prayers and good vibes.

I believe there are MANY here on these boards who are feeling the same way, which Covid exacerbated, especially if there wasn't a good foundation going into it. Me too - no children, no family or relatives, and absolutely and totally wore out and exhauster physically, mentally and spiritually from taking care of a parent who passed away. I know that it takes our bodies and emotional health time to rest and recover - there is no 'set' time to do this - it might take longer for some than others. And if that foundation isn't there, one feels very alone and unsupported.

We know, deep down, what we 'should' do ... but doing what 'needs' to be done can be challenging when one feels this way - unenergized, lacking focus, uninterested, depressed. Hey, there are days when even taking just a shower can be a major accomplishment! It is easy to slide into and stay in that state of existence you are speaking of. But finally, after nearly 7 decades, I know for a fact I cannot look at other people to help me move forward-it has to come from me, deep within me. And taking that first step - maybe it will be the only step right now-is a start. Since the depression is so deep within,making an appt with your reg doc for a rx to help your depression would be a start (all it takes is making a phone call and going to the appt.-that's it right now). Doesn't mean you stay on the rx forever, but it will give you the kickstart you may need right now. Once the outlook is more positive, then you can take the next step, and then the next. But take that first step.

I feel worn out and alone often. I have a spouse but he isn't enough to fulfill me and I would never put that kind of pressure on him. As many have said on here. It's up to the individual. Maybe we expect too much out of life sometimes. It can't always be exciting. I would settle for tolerable at this point. Sigh.....

Volunteer! It is a great feeling to help others and so many opportunities for volunteering these days. It will help your self esteem. Sounds like you are very depressed so a trip to your doctor is a must.
You will need to help yourself now that you have spent years helping your Mom!

I would distance yourself from these siblings who seem a hindrance than a help to you in your family. It's very easy to say for them to make excuses about not wanting to be involved in someone's issues. Can you by any chance hire in home help or put this person you care for into assisted living? Going to church might help if you're able to meet people you know. You can join a group that does a relaxing activity that you would like, or just go to the park or see a movie.

Help someone. Your local schools need paraprofessionals that will help a child. No degree necessary. Schools are a great place to connect with people.