I feel soooo worn out and alone. What can I do to improve my non-existent life?

Surprised to hear so many suggest "volunteer" when everything is CLOSED for the last year, and still is in many states; you can't even donate to a animal rescue thrift store let alone volunteer to work there!!

I am in the same boat, older, its several medical issues that limit mobility, but I live in a rural area and getting out to walk in nature, even if I see no one is helpful. My last dog died in 2016 and want to adopt as soon as I am better at walking daily.

I DID seek out several specific FB groups and a few humorous ones... I do get to 'talk' to people that way daily, but there is no real friendship or follow thru of course.

Of all the Facebook groups on sewing, nature, history, politics, animal and humor I notice a serious vicious attacking and the admins forcing people to 'approve' or 'support' issues which have nothing to do with that group...so be forewarned.

Not sure if you are interested in writing your 'memoirs', or a family history -something along those lines, but telling that story and putting it down helps me revive memories, and as something reminds me of an event at age 6 or 36 I can add it to the story.

Our town has a senior center... a physical 4 story building that hosts daily groups, an early coffee klatch at 8am (too early for me) I was pushed to join at age 50, and everyone there was 70+, I tried again at 60, and everyone was still 70-80..now that I am almost 72 I realize it will not be much of a resource for me no matter my age... my area is so political in one direction only that I, and many others get booted off of even "NextDoor" a community chat group for 'neighbors' (lost cats, car thefts, where noise is coming from, etc) for mentioning or trying to discuss any candidate, or social topic. So while I didn't know any of them personally the rage, hate and speech oppression ensures I DON'T want to know them in any 'group' either. So I find I tend to stick to a couple of women's political groups where I can speak and have actual conversation. I've never been a joiner, so I do better as a loner in any case, but as more states open up at least i can choose to go places I want and have some level of contact.

If it is any consolation recent studies of young people, those under 20 and under 30 reveals no one has close friends anymore; most can't name one person significant as a friend, at least we had that in our youth.

PS... take some naps in the sun to get that Vit D we need...

So glad you were there for your mother! That is an awesome thing, never forget that. I am sure that took its toll on you, but it sounds like you are telling yourself it is time to start doing things for yourself now. I think the first step is the basics; get fresh air and sunshine regularly, drink adequate water (distilled or reverse osmosis), exercise even a little and take walks. Then figure out the social piece. If you like dogs and can commit to that responsibility, find a rescue pup and go to dog park. It is a great time to get a part time job; employers can't find people to come to work. Your not alone! Best to you!

It's great that all you people live in vibrant urban communities with so many exciting volunteer opportunities but what about those of us who live in small towns where there is very little available?

If I may, without sounding corny, volunteering for a worthy cause is a fantastic way to receive abundant graces, plus helping others lessens the burden of self introspection. Bringing a smile to this world assures the doer a rightful place among the best of best. So many causes to choose from, there’s got to be one that tickles your fancy! Peace and Kindness!

This sounds like depression! I suggest you have a chat with your doctor. Also a Relaxation Therapist is often a great help. We are all feeling the effect of being shut in with the Covid problem and it has had the strange way of making us feel that we dont want to go out now that we can and feel its such an effort. There are organisations that have people who befriend and help. If you get in touch with Social Security office they would probably be able to give you the connections for this service. I hope you feel better soon. Perhaps you may know of someone who is lonely and then you could help them and by doing that----you will help your feeling of being lonely.

I recommend you find a willing partner and have a close, sexual relationship. You don't mention your gender but I promise this will make your life much more interesting!

I feel for you. My family used to be so close and warm. Now I have no family as caretaking for my parents had put a nasty strain on the relationship between me and my brother. Please take a moment to read this article. It has changed my perspective on life and helped me work through caregiver burnout.

https://www.upworthy.com/woman-shares-therapists-mental-health-tip-for-doing-dishes

Oh, sounds like my life. My Dad is 97 and I only feel comfortable leaving the house for 2 hours after he lays down. I spent so much time sitting and staring at the tv like a zombie all day that my legs would hurt and all I could think about was how I was dying. Yet, I couldn't get up.
I have started taking Gaba and 5 htp. After a couple of weeks I started having energy and motivation. I have started going for walks and I even called an old friend. I no longer have friends after 7 years of not being able to make appointments or commitments and I never cared to talk to people because I had nothing to say other than dad's the same and I'm ok. Anyways after taking the supplements I have now started walking, I quit smoking, I built an above ground garden, I am learning to sew and I call my one friend. I didn't realize how bad my depression was until I was no longer depressed. I am not living my ideal life but heck most people aren't for one reason or another. I am enjoying my life to the best of my ability. If you feel you have depression please do what you can to overcome depression either a Dr. or supplements for raising seratonin levels.

I am a loner as well.
I socialize when walking trails. As well, I have been blessed with two cats that are the most lovable critters I have ever met. Then there is gardening. You would be amazed how many men and women you come in contact with at a garden center.
If you are always the initializer with your siblings I would cut them lose.

HI

Do you have a pet ? If you can , consider adopting a kitten or pup to keep you company and give you another thing to care about. A dog might be nice because you can then take it for walks and maybe meet others with pets that way . Even if you don't meet anyone at least you'll have your little friend who will love you no matter what.
Start doing things for you , go see a movie , go have a nice lunch or look around and see if there are painting classes nearby or workshops you can join . Volunteer work at an animal shelter is also a great way to not only spend time with lots of lovely animals but also to meet people if you want .
If you're depressed, perhaps ask your doctor if they're anything you can take to lift you up a bit if needed . If you don't want to take meds , you need to get outside , one step at a time . Maybe a walk, start small , maybe if there's a park nearby you can get an ice cream and sit on a bench and people watch . Dip your toe , so to speak.
Speaking of watching , try to watch comedies or funny animal vids . It might sound silly but these can actually lift your mood if you do it often enough.
Focus on you and getting yourself happy and involved in something. Reading , a hobby , exercising, volunteer work etc It isn't easy but all you need to do is take baby steps and I think you'll find things will improve .

go volunteer at a type of place you would enjoy, for me it would be an animal shelter or wildlife clinic. I can't wait to retire so I can volunteer. Look online for clubs you would be interested in. Is there a senior center where you live. Those provide a host of friends and activities to do.

Find something to do that benefits your community-- helping somewhere-- working in a food bank... at your favorite local church... even at the local senior 211 center... you life is not over--- .
My mother who died from dementia after 20 or so years-- yes-- it affects/affected me--- but she in a Better Place and so should I be. YOU can even take a job working in a nursery with sweet little children reading to them.
SEE yourself a s a victor--- not a victim--live a real life-- take a vacation -- go to a beach with a friend... for a day or two.
Start eating better-- more fresh food-- ! Remember how food prep at home was a FAMILY THING ! Act like they are still there representing a spirit of fruitfulness !
IF the sibs are not available-- let it be and look for new friends ! Now-- do not be needful-- try and be a blessing to someone-- take 'em out to eat !
Soldier ON !

You are not alone. Many people have a similar life to yours myself included. It is very lonely and isolating.
It's possible that you suffer from depression. That could be why you back out of upcoming events and don't have interesting in anything. Also who you're taking naps all day.
Would you consider going to a therapist to find out if you have a mental health issue? Depression is real and should not go untreated.
Maybe your siblings and their kids would like to get together just for a visit. Like a cook-out or something. A family Get Together that will not involve anyone's issues or complaining, or hard feelings over the past. Just a visit. They might be into it.
It can be hard to make friends when people are older. The advice on this thread is some good stuff. Volunteering with different groups you're interested in can be a good start.

I could be you. I’m now 64! Moms been living with me 22 years. She recently caught RSV a children’s disease but in adults can be deadly. She had to be initubated two days. Ten days in hospital. The Drs had her dead. Honestly they abruptly told me we won’t be doing this again. Meaning the intubation, shaky vest, bells and whistles. Actually legally they will if I tell them too. They took one look at 84 year old Mom and I must assume deemed her old crinkled and worthless to live another day. That really weighed on my mind. She made a full recovery. Obviously something else will come along. She won’t live forever. I have two selfish siblings that never contribute. Although they got a tad pushy demanding their “right” to come into the ICU to say goodby. They claimed for closure. Lol. Their closure, as they have no interest in saying Hello while she’s alive!! Anyhoo, I told them all “NO”. No one but myself is going in to see Mom. I’m not taking any risks of unnecessary exposure to covid. My sisters entire family of 4 had covid at the time actively. My brother thinks covid is a hoax. Won’t get vaccinated. My sister felt the same until she landed in the hospital with covid. Now they got vaccinated. I had to throw my power of attorney in their faces. They were not real happy. They hate being told no. My husband has alpha one anti trypsin deficiency. A genetic condition that causes lung and liver damage. He’s end stage. Could die at any point. He’s 60. The isolation has resulted in my own depression and thus self medicating at times. There are days I wonder if I’ll be the first one to die. I’m in no financial position to just take off. I never would be able to ethically and morally anyway. I’d feel horrendous guilt. So I just take each day as it comes. It could be so much easier if family would take turns and give me some respite. However, I’m old enough to have witnessed people’s me first lifestyles and it’s not going to change. The sea of people in the world have always been selfish for the most part. It’s a fact. Sorry not to be helpful. But at least you know you’re not alone.

a pet might help or volunteer helping at a shelter for people or pets

One other thing you could consider is doing volunteer work at animal rescue organizations. If you like animals, studies show that they help people cope with a lot of things. I know a lot of people will get a dog as they require feeding and walking. A lot of people who have dogs and walk them meet people along the way. This could be one way to meet other people. Or, if you don’t want the care of an animal in your home, you could volunteer at a rescue organization and meet people that way as well IF it’s something you’re really interested in. Do things that you have a real passion for and you may meet like minded people and could develop friends with shared interests. Join Nextdoor to find out what’s happening in your neighborhood/area.

I got extremely depressed caring for my 87 yr old mom (dementia). I had phone appt with my doctor and got placed on antidepressant. It helped me enough to get out and start talking to people again. I had completely shut down. Antidepressants may help you get back to a baseline to make more positive choices.

Think of places where you could volunteer to help some other people. If you are able to drive and have a reliable car, call churches or seniors organizations to see if they need volunteers to deliver Meals-on-Wheels or to be a volunteer driver for people who need transportation to medical appointments. If your local library has a Homebound delivery program, maybe they welcome volunteers to help deliver and pick up library books.

You are fairly young and you have had recent experience in helping someone older and more frail than yourself. A Meals-on-Wheels visit or help in getting to a doctor can mean the world to someone who is homebound and alone.

You sound depressed. There are many online support groups and I would start there. Just a little bit more every day. I agree with the senior center idea.

Start small. Think of just one thing that you could do, by yourself, that would make you happy for a bit. That may be as simple as sitting outside in the sun and watching the clouds. If your depression is fairly mild, you may be surprised at how much of a difference it can make to simply go outside and walk for 15 minutes each day. I know this makes an enormous difference in my life. You might even start with just stepping outside the door and smelling the fresh air. Try to go out before 8 am, if you can. The world is a better place in the morning (unless you are a confirmed night owl). At any rate, you do need to get out of that recliner.

I can identify with your feelings, I have felt that way a lot in the last few years. I know that even the simplest things can seem overwhelming. If you can get yourself to do just one simple thing, though, that can give you enough of a start to do something else. Try to fill your mind with enough other things that you can forget your siblings for as much as possible. They have already taken up enough of your life; don't let them have any more.

Think about maybe reading a book instead of watching tv. It doesn't seem like much of a difference, but you are more actively engaged when you read. I would recommend "West With the Night" by Beryl Markham. You can get it on Barnes and Noble. Every time I read the book I am inspired by this early woman pilot. It is a great memoir and will get you out of yourself for a while.

Another small thing that could make a big impact would be to look at what you are eating. Buy some fresh fruits and vegetables that you can just eat raw and plain for breakfast or lunch. That requires very little effort and will awaken your tastes. Most of us tend to eat carbs when we are depressed because they are easy and give some immediate pleasure, but they tend to contribute to that leaden, tired feeling.

And keep posting! We are here to help you through this. You are obviously a very good person and you deserve to get good treatment from yourself. Hugs.

I sure can relate to what you are experiencing. In my case, I have absolutely not a living soul in my family. Just two friends who live far away. I live in assisted living which I detest as most have dementia and I am 100% high functioning, work, drive do it all - but I can't walk. Had I family like this, I would face the fact that they may be blood but they are NOT family and never will be. Find activities that make YOU happy and talk to others to the extent possible - but make your own happiness. You would be surprised what you can accomplish to feel less lonely when you put your mind to it. It is not easy but it is far better than running after the dream that is just non-existent. Move on and don't look back. You will soon become more at peace.

I think there are quite a few of us in similar situations. It’s hard to be motivated to get out especially after the last year of isolating. My suggestion to ease into society would be to do some volunteering in something meaningful to you. You can meet likeminded people but the focus is on the task so there is no pressure to be chatty if you don’t want to be. Helping at a local animal shelter can be wonderful. Being around dogs can be so uplifting if you are comfortable with that. And most importantly if you have a place of worship to connect with. Also get some exercise -Yoga is excellent as we get older because it’s gentle and strengthening. You can even find classes on free cable channels to get you moving. Take care

I'm not going to repeat what other's have said as they have given you very good advice.

What I will say is go to an event telling yourself you will only stay 5 to 10 minutes and then you can leave. At least you showed up and just maybe you will stay longer. At least you made the effort and that alone should make you feel proud of yourself.

That said, I exercise at home in front of my TV (there are youtube video's such as Leslie Sansone: walking, dancing video's, etc.). Exercise raises one's serotonin levels and makes one feel good!

Best to you,
Jenna

Please please go for some therapy. You have suffered a great deal of loss and need to work out the rest of your life with a professional. Some people are reluctant to go for counseling because they thing they have to be “crazy” but therapy is for anyone, especially someone like yourself who is sad and stuck in their lives. I feel for you too but you are relatively young. You could live in this unhappy state for many years so please get some help.

It is hard to get moving again. And sadly, it's even harder to rebuild your social life, especially, after COVID. BUT isolation kills so it's time you got up and got out.
First, volunteer part-time at two different places so you don't feel tied to just one place, not like it and then you end up back to square one. So it must be 2 different interests and just a few hours a week for both. You can always expand this, but it's hard to decrease hours later. Start small.

Socially, you will meet people who are like-minded. You will find friends.

Then, start a dance club. So many folks in their 60's/70s loved to go to dances when we were young. They were fun, full of exercise, and inspiring. Everyone has a good time at a dance. In fact, if you wanted to jazz it up a bit, we hired younger (not too younger) men to come in and it was their job to dance with all of us because there were usually more women than men. We got everything donated, especially the church dance floor and the DJ to play all our old records. Did I really say, "records"? Oops.

Hi Caregiverhelp11
I feel you. I haven't lost my mom, but I too have no children and people that I thought were my friends I no longer hear from them. I take care of my husband and really the only close ones in my life is my mom. I have nephews and nieces, but never hear from them. So, I don't know if anything I say will actually give you comfort, but I do think you need to start getting out. Take baby steps and try to do something you enjoy. As far as family, I had to realize myself that I can't change my family. So, I try to remember to focus on things that I can change then do so, but things I can't change I pray about it. I try to Let Go and Let God handle it. Do I always succeed at what I just said, NO. Just take care of yourself and prayers are with you.

A change in status (like no longer having responsibility for someone) can be difficult. And allow yourself time to grieve. The pandemic has changed all of our lives for the worse, but we now have ways to defeat the pandemic with vaccinations. Are you fully vaccinated? This is highly recommended by the CDC, and will help you get out and mingle with people. You need to get out of the house. Can you join an exercise group? Or get out and walk? You might benefit from talking to a trusted counselor or therapist. Reach out to people who can help you get back on track mentally and physically, and ask for help.

Community work may help: a dog shelter, homeless shelter, church.
My mom has met lots of good friends at church where they go out and eat, talk and go to events together.

It can be hard to get out again when you feel you have no one. But be brave and go out, even if you do something small but with other people. Even a hike with the Sierra Club, or another club where there are other people who are either in the same situation or just want to get out and meet other people.

Try some new hobbies, join a new class, learn a new instrument or study a new
course. The world is at your feet; be confident; start big or small.

You might try joining some senior exercise group classes if there is a YMCA or Silver Sneakers facility in your area. I thought I was participating in classes in order to get some exercise, but I found the regular social contact as beneficial as the exercise itself.

I do not crave.being with other people and am generally conten by myself, but I have enjoyed having to "gear up" on a regular basis for a casual level of social contact.