I am in a weird spot and I feel utterly helpless and alone. I am the guardian of my mother we went through what is called article 81 guardianship. I have been doing this for around four years, and tbh it was the worse decision of my life.
As per my mother's order I pretty much need to seek court approval for any life altering choices in her care, and I also have a duty to do what is in the overall best interest of the IP my mother.
Here is where I run into issues. About six mouths ago with the help of my attorney we requested that my mother be placed because I felt I could no longer provide her care in the community.
My request was denied, the state had their own evaluation done and they felt she was not ready for SNF placement, and unfortunately AL is not an option for my mother with her Medicaid in our state.
So around two months later i made a request to be removed as guardian that was denied until the state or myself could find someone who could take over my duties. The state told me community guardians are only for emergency cases and my mother does not fall under that because I am her guardian.
I am legit stuck, my attorney told me unfortunately this is common in our county. The judges tend to favor family over state involvement and since I am already involved they tend to make it harder to get out of it unless the guardian is abusing the IP in someway but that comes with a host of difficulties.
On top of this everyone wants me to treat my mother's cancer because it is highly treatable but I don't want to. My mother wants to but she is IP and does not understand what prolonging her life means for her or myself.
I feel defeated. Not exactly sure what I am looking for maybe just a place to vent and feel less judged. That is what I feel everyday.
HOWEVER, when you DO this through either APS or legally with a court order through attorney, you will have not to be in any sort of back and forth. This must at that point be that you CANNOT DO THIS. Just as tho you were, in fact dying of some disease or struck down with a stoke. There cannot be any argument.
No one can force anyone in this country to be a guardian of anyone else when they are no longer capable of doing that service.
Your letter here does serve as fair warning. People should understand if they are POA or guardian for someone who has passed into competency it is NO EASY THING to simply walk away. In fact it is difficult, is a court legal action, and comes with a cost both monetary and emotional.
The courts dismissed my claims as active threats also.
Yes they cannot force me to be guardian but they can prevent me from giving up the role as guardian especially if they cite lack of availability of community guardians.
Fun times
It's insane that they could force someone to do this to their own mental, physical and financial detriment.
I totally get your not wanting to get this cancer treated too. It only prolongs your being stuck against your will as moms guardian.
They did note I was stressed and thankfully that means when a community guardian becomes available I can get out but as my attorney said good luck on that. Unless I do something to myself or my mother they will not view this as an emergency situation.
It's crazy how if the OP died today the mother would all of sudden be taken care of by the courts. Why does the OP have to continue to destroy their life because they made a mistake in taking on guardianship of their mother 4 years ago?
The most ridiculous part of all this is OP's mother has cancer and they want the OP to get the mother treatment. Why are we extending the lives of people with dementia and alz with cancer treatments, pace makers, stents, etc?
And this certainly is a cautionary tale for everyone to not try and get guardianship because even then you have to go to the court if you want to place them in a facility and strangers get to decide if said person should be placed, not you.
Are you on SSDI for what may be a mental disability?
What if you can change the focus to only your health, your needs?
Seems the courts and judges usually put a lot of weight on a doctor's letter or affidavit.
If you could qualify for a disability for yourself, at that time you would not
qualify to take care of someone else or remain their guardian. ??
Your own health could have changed over the last 4 years. A doctor's letter (on your behalf) might suffice to get you the break you need for your own mental health, before it does become an emergency for you.
Are you employed? Are you able to become employed?
You do not need to reply, just offering things to think about and bring up with your attorney or doctor. I am not a professional, but have observed some unusual legal issues in my lifetime. Sometimes, with enough information, we can work these things out.
In the meantime, check out medical care that comes under what is usual, customary, and reasonable in your Mother's case. Consult a second opinion on the part of her care whether or not to treat her cancer. A difference of opinion could get you (like you said) in big trouble, so get it in writing that a professional agrees with you not to treat the cancer. Especially since
1) Mom wants it treated;
2) It is easily treatable.
You need it documented that you sought advice on her treatment if you are going against the recommended treatment.
You may be required to get her the treatment anyway.
This is not the hill you want to take a strong stand on, because of the scrutiny
of the social workers and courts. You might need to comply for a time, just to protect yourself from accusations of neglect by the APS or court.
Can you get Mom in a clinical trial at one of the larger teaching hospitals, like
The Mayo Clinic?
Here is a far reach: Any chance that your Mom could be declared competent at some point and no longer be required to have a guardian? Her attorney could fight the guardianship? Yike, that's a stretch. But your Mom may need an attorney separate from your attorney. You are two separate legal entities.
NY LAW: (from internet)
"What if a Guardian Resigns or Dies?
Resigning: If a guardian wants to resign, they must file papers with the court (make a motion) asking permission to resign and file their final guardianship accounting. A guardian will often suggest a replacement (successor guardian) to take their place if no standby guardian has been named. If a guardian does not suggest a replacement (successor guardian), the court chooses who to appoint in their place. [see Section 81.37 of the Mental Hygiene Law about the resignation of a guardian.]
Guardian Dies: In a case where the guardian dies, if no standby guardian had been previously named, the court examiner will present the court with a Notice of Death and ask to have a successor guardian appointed. The court examiner may also request a “referee” be appointed to complete the deceased guardian’s final accounting or the Court may direct the successor Guardian to complete the deceased guardian’s final accounting. [see Section 81.38 of the Mental Hygiene Law about when a guardian’s position is “vacant” due to death or other reasons.]"
I guess for myself I would do this, and would tell the judge that I REFUSE to act as a guardian, and will not do so, and if the law wishes to prosecute me I will ask for a public defender and will be jailed before I will serve as guardian.
Then guess they would have to jail me and guess I would make the news because I have never yet in this country heard of a case of a guardian jailed for resigning.
I do think that you post here serves as warning.
I was POA and Trustee of Trust for a very loving, gentle, cooperative and organized brother, and it was a huge job that took many hours of my time. I always warn people not to take on POA or guardianship. I would never do it again.
As to the question of cancer care for an incompetent senior my answer would be NO.
Again, they wanted to haul me to court they could, as the guardianship pays for my defense, being I am guardian.
Once the money is gone, this is pretty much over.
Quite the amazing story, Wintergrasp; one of the most amazing I have seen in five years here. I surely do wish you the very best of luck, because quite honestly I would as SOON be in jail reading a book as go through this daily Hades. They'd have top feed you, house you and pay for your medical. At this point, that's not nothin!
In NY we have a program called nursing home diversion program. My mother is in a wait list for said program. They just happen to prioritize those in nursing homes first before community based applicants.
She is also on the wait list for a rental voucher.
Thinking outside the box here.
Has anyone applied the concept:
It is better to apologize after the fact than to ask permission?
Another concept, if it can be aptly applied:
Keep a low profile.
Order a written transcript from the hearing where the court told you that you would receive assistance with everything.
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