I really need help. I have talked to you guys before. Everyday at the same time my mother wants to go home. Where she lived as a child. I have tried to change subject, left the room for 10 to 15 min. Given her something else to do. She goes right back to the same subject. It never changes. Starts at about 3 goes on to about 9 non stop everyday. I give her meds that is suppose to calm her down it doesn't help. It is driving me crazy. I end up screaming and upset trying to make her understand something simple like this is your home. Some days she think she is in jail and can't understand why she can't go home. She accuse everyone of not coming by to see her. Then we go through a crying spell. Everyday. I am now in the process of trying to find a place for her. This is year 10. By 2 o'clock she does not recognize anyone. What can I do until I can find a place for her?
Any advise is welcome!!!!!
What It Means When a Person with Dementia Says "I Want to Go Home"
If you are the family caregiver for a senior with Alzheimer’s disease, a phrase you’ve likely heard them say is “I want to go home.” In most cases the older adult is already home, but home is an environment that no longer looks familiar to them. While it might be that memory loss is causing them not to remember their surroundings, the phrase might also mean something else.
Communicating with a Loved One Who Has Dementia
Adults with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia often lose some or all of their verbal communications skills fairly early in the disease process. This makes it hard for their loved ones to understand what is wrong or what the senior is trying to say.
Sometimes a person with dementia is searching for home because of unmet needs or because they are feeling isolated and alone. Here’s what they might really mean:
Undiagnosed pain: Is the senior in pain? Sometimes you can tell by the look on their face that something isn’t right. If they aren’t able to tell you what is wrong, try pointing to different parts of the body and asking them to answer yes or no if it hurts.
Sad or lonely: The very nature of Alzheimer’s disease is isolating. As memory and abilities slowly decline, the older adult’s world becomes smaller. They might remember faces of loved ones but be unable to recall names. Eventually, they live in a world where no one and nothing looks familiar.
Confusion: As short-term memories fade, an adult with memory loss might be confused about where home really is. They may try to find their way back to a house that was home many years ago.
Unmet needs: Sometimes the senior wants to “go home” because they are hungry, thirsty, tired, or need to use the bathroom. When the environment they are in doesn’t look familiar, they feel an urgent need to search for home. It can help to offer them something to eat or drink or show them to the bathroom.
Boredom: Creating meaningful days can be difficult when a loved one you are a caregiver for has memory loss. Their need to find home might be the result of boredom and not enough activity.
Redirecting a Senior with Alzheimer’s Attention
When a senior with Alzheimer’s is frustrated and agitated at not being allowed to search for home, redirecting their attention is often the best solution:
Ask for their assistance. Bring a basket of towels in to the living room and ask for the senior’s help folding them. Or try offering them a dust cloth and asking the senior to clean the dining room or help make dinner. Giving the senior a job may help redirect their thoughts.
Turn on favorite music. Research shows that music has the power to change mood. Uplifting songs can boost mood, while the sounds of nature can soothe agitation. Music an older adult associates with the happiest times in their life might also help calm the senior and make them forgot about searching for home.
Agree to go later: If you aren’t able to redirect your senior loved one’s attention, agree with them that you will go to their house later. Tell them you have to make a cake and clean up the kitchen first. Agreeing with them might help soothe the agitation they feel, while also buying you time. It’s entirely likely a senior with memory loss will forget they were searching for home before long.
Also, try giving your mom a baby doll to hold; they can be incredibly comforting to women sometimes.
Best of luck!!
Tell her that she is safe, you love her, hold her hand.
Most of the time when people with dementia say they "want to go home" it is not a place but a time when they were well and felt safe.
So making her feel safe is one of the first things you can try to do.
Yelling will only increase her agitation (and yours and that will increase hers more..see how this cycle is never ending)
Turn on lights, change to LED lights they are brighter. Close blinds so there are no reflections. If she likes music play some she likes that might calm her or at least distract her. If she can get her busy with a task, folding towels, sorting socks, stacking blocks. Anything that will keep her occupied.
If you are getting dinner ready about that time can she help in any way?
If worse comes to worse and you can not take it walk out of the room, wear head phones yourself anything to keep you from getting caught up in her cycle.
Continue your search for placement. She needs this now. YOU need this now. She may be engaged with new things in her life; you cannot tell. I think there will be more socialization and I have seen friendships form even in the severely demented that have helped redirect their minds. At home there is really nowhere to go with it.
So sorry. This has to be so hard on you and enough to make you tear your hair.
still , nothing makes it easy .
I agree with what was said prior regarding lights on in the room, changing subject and soft music. I also found that a soft stuffed animal nuzzled next to her neck was very soothing and calmed her down. I have also found, with my husband alzheimers, cutting out ALL caffeine has worked wonders along with cutting out a lot of sugars.
But I will tell you sundowning is something can cause some strange events. Main thing is keeping her safe and yourself sane. Do not try to make her understand, they can not. The brain does not allow them to understand or learn, so please do not even try, save your breath and it will help you. Take a deep breath and know you are doing the best you can. Hope this helps. mp
Important note: you are not trying to make her understand. You are reassuring her in the moment by acknowledging what she says and responding appropriately. Her understanding and retaining the information is not possible, so again - give up.
With her feeling abandoned and her crying, it's almost the same strategy. She DOES feel abandoned. She DOES feel sad. Not because of anything anyone has done to her, but because that's what her brain is telling her. You can't change it, so just sympathise with the pain, do what you can to soothe her, and let her be.
Please don't think that I don't get what torment this is, and how horrible it is not to be able to connect your mother with her reality. My heart is in my boots for you.
Many blessings to all
ktsmom
Good luck.
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