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As I have said before, my BIL is in a nursing facility almost 200 miles away from home and family. We have been trying forever to get him closer. However, the facility claimed no facilities would accept him due to behaviors.


The way they have handled so many things in an inappropriate manner, I had a gut feeling something was not right. I made a few phone calls and now this is what I am hearing.


Since they have hired a new staff (including administrator) and giving him the care he needs …. HE IS NOT HAVING ANY BEHAVIOR ISSUES AT ALL.


My question is this, Now that his rep has been ruined, how will he ever get a chance at being accepted near home?

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Will they allow a camera in his room so you can see things for yourself?
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How often are you visiting him now?
How often are other members of your family visiting him now?
How does he behave when you or others visit?
What would you do differently if he were closer?

I think you have a lot of questions to ask yourself to determine whether or not moving your BIL is really in *his* best interest.
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Haley, I think there is another point to consider. It's along "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" lines.

I am very glad to hear that your BIL's difficulties seem to have been resolved, and that he is now doing well at the NH under new management.

But leaving aside any question at all of what caused the difficulties and what kind of "record" it's left your BIL with, what about the impact a major change of location might have on him now?

The advantages of moving him would have to be really, really certain and significant for this to be a good idea. However frustrating it might be, and however unfair it feels on the family, might it not be better to leave him settled in a place where you know his needs are being met?
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haileybug Mar 2019
Countrymouse, Thank you made a very valid point and I have considered what I think would be the best interest for my BIL.

To me, isolating a person from his home and family is not the right decision. No one knows a loved one like family.
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Do you have access to his medical file?

If current facility can be absolved of any behavioral issues in the new facility there should not be an issue in moving him.. Current facility is protecting itself first and foremost.
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haileybug Mar 2019
We have seen his FL2 form.

Yes, it is about facility protecting their self. I guess that is why they focused on hiring all new staff and not trying to help us get BIL closer to home.

It's about them.
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Sorry, that I'm not familiar with the backstory, but, just curious as to why the AL he's in has the responsibility of locating a new one for him to move to that is located 200 miles away? Are they his guardian? Does he have one or a DPOA?

I know that people who have dementia often have behavioral issues within a long term care facility. It's very common. I don't get why that would preclude him from facilities. Is his AL an MC? Have they told you what level of care that he needs?
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haileybug Mar 2019
Hi Sunnygirl Thanks for your response They say BIL level of care can be either way. (ALF or skilled nursing home with wander guard)

Every facility that my husband and I have tried to get his brother transitioned to has denied him admission due to behaviors.
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I think it might be time to bring an ombudsman into this scenario. Whether difficult or not, they should be trying to accommodate the family’s wishes. You should be able to locate your local ombudsman online through state websites.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019
Great suggestion!
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As a last resort, I wonder if you could install a camera. A picture is worth a thousand words. Just in case you had to prove his behavior.
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I would think all things should be considered. Some places are simply not a good fit....and hopefully you have documentation to prove the care he was given was subpar and that now he is flourishing and happy in his surroundings. If you’re fortunate to find a compassionate facility and explain the situation along with a positive recommendation from the present staff and admin. his previous bad behavior won’t be the deciding factor. Good luck to you ..... none of this is ever easy.
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haileybug Mar 2019
Thanks for your advice. I am definitely going to try explain the situation and ask staff and admin for a positive recommendation. Thanks again
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Maybe, will the new administrator document the new behavior in a letter? I would also call a few closer facilities just to see if they have ever been contacted; it's possible former staff was just telling you they had contacted other facilities.
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haileybug Mar 2019
Thanks I am going to contact the new administrator and ask her for documentation of new behavior. Again, thank you so much
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