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I would seek to have private care givers come in to assist with his adl. Adult daily living skills find what his allotted hours are approved from his insurance and go from there they can direct you to companys and such to best fit your needs.
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I'm so sorry you have gone through this. It's interesting you weren't "prodded" to not do the procedure, by the hospital.

Prayers to you and your dad.
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A Geriatric Psychiatrist can assist you and Dad. It sounds like he is ready for a Nursing Home. A Gastroenterologist appointment may get him out of diapers and onto Assisted Living...........the psychiatrist can speak the truth and offer medications.
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Sadly Abby, you were placed in a position that no child should be. I know, because I was in a similar place with both my dad and my Stepdad. Fortunately, my Stepdad and my mom both had a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) notification in their Medical Power of Attorney and Living Will. It kept me from having to make that decision for them.

With my dad, he did not have a DNR, and I had to stand by and watch him being resuscitated and then placed on machines. With the help of doctors and lawyers, I was able to get a court ordered DNR for my dad after much anguish.

You may want to check to see if he has a legal/written (notarized) DNR. If your father is still of sound mind, and no DNR exists, you might want to suggest he get one. That takes the onus of a "life or death" decision off of the loved one's shoulders.
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You did the right thing! You had to try to save him. But, you may not need to put him into a long term facility. Look at in home care and see how much his insurance will cover to have a nurse check up on him at home. It will break his spirit if you put him into a place he can never leave. I can tell you from experience that it will lead to misery and death. It is no wonder people become so depressed in these places that they want to die with all the abuse and neglect there.

Please check into home care and let whatever time he has left be happy ones. Continue to pray for him! God can work miracles! God Bless you!
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tygrlly1 Sep 2022
Abby 2018.'my heart goes out to you , and the awful decision you had to make obviously came from a place of love for your dad. In response to Family Needed, I would agree that home care is the ideal..but FAMILY NEEDED , please choose your words more carefully regarding nursing home care, if that is what is ultimately decided by Abby and recommended by his medical team. I am a retired Social Worker , with over 30 years experience in the long term care field. I had the honor of working with a number of nursing care facilities that were outstanding , and where very elderly patients flourished..because of the committlent and love by the staff , who choose to do Gods work. Unfortunately we only hear about the bad ones. To describe all nursing homes as places of misery, death , abuse and neglect is not at all comforting to Abby, who is struggling hard and needs support...not more guilt and scare tactics.
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Abby2018: Emotional heartbreak (living in a facility) is one thing; physical heartbreak (if you hadn't approved the cardioversion) is yet another. You made the right decision with the procedure. Hugs sent during this most difficult of times.
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I think you did what was right for yourself and your father. You have said his mind is sharp, so he has his own mind. Let me add something that no one else seems to address, life over death. I have just found out I have a very bad heart, and I also live in constant pain. Yet do I want to keep on living? Yes, of course I am not that old and cherish each moment I have to live. What lies beyond this life? Perhaps you are religious and believe death is a step to heaven. Having studied many religions, I do not know. All I know is even in pain I choose to live (as long as my heart will keep on) Cherish each day you have with your father, let him know he is loved. At his age and in his health, you won't have him forever. May you have peace in your heart knowing you are doing what you feel is best. Hugs
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Can you imagine 2nd guessing the other option you had though? You did the right thing. Like someone else said, everyone can get affairs and good byes and desires out in the open. This is such a hard time being someone’s child, having to make these decisions. My heart goes out to you.
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I don't think that you can ever know whether the decision you make for another's health (or survival) was the correct one. Several decades ago when he was healthy, my grandfather made me promise to never let him live if terminal. He ended up in the ER with severe pneumonia, renal failure, cardiac arrhythmias, and on a ventilator. Blood pressure all over the place and unconscious non-responsive. Doctors asked me if I wanted them to continue or discontinue ventilatory support. The latter would most assuredly mean he would die. I went in and talked to my grandad for a while...never knew if he either heard or understood. Then came out and asked doctors to shut off ventilator. He died about 10 minutes later. Was it the right decision? You never will know. So, find hope and peace in the fact that you made the decision as a caring loving person considering his wishes.
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