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I am 79 years old and without family except a nephew who lives a 6-7 hr drive away. I use a walker outside my apartment because my balance is poor. If I fall I cannot get up alone due to knee replacements. I've had more than one cancer surgery in the past but am otherwise well and independent (but slow) in ADLs. However, I am so frustrated since I lose things daily (e.g. scattered phone numbers written in scraps of paper (I don't own a desk), my keys, my checkbook. I cannot do simple math nor follow my financial affairs on a computer, let alone compile everything for my tax accountant! I'm well-educated and sometimes I speak well, but often cannot recall familiar words or whom I've spoken to lately or regarding what.
It all seems alarmingly like Alzheimers to me. I'm a retired RN and have some professional knowledge in this area. I also failed the "clock test" a few years ago, but never followed up as I was advised by a visiting nurse whom I can't remember. Now I'm scared, feel like I'm barely hanging on. BUT nobody else I know seems concerned! Am I really hiding it that well? Or does no one else want to, or know how to, help me? My nephew is on my checking account and has a financial POA which he has never seemed to recognize a need for. I'm afraid of running out of money just to live anywhere.
Can you suggest any plan of action for me?

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Get a full evaluation performed by your physician. These are often called Medicare wellness exams. Prayers sent to you tonight. Give it to the Lord, thy God. Perhaps the physician will be able to advise you where to go for assistance since he or she is a medical professional.
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Contact your local Area Agency on Aging or Aging Service Access Point. Your local COA should have that information. Ask them to send a case manager for an assessment. Tell them everything you mentioned in your post. Ask if they have a Money Management Program to help you keep your finances in order. Set a spot at home that you will ALWAYS put your keys, for me its next to the coffee maker so when I make my morning coffee I can grab them and go, ALWAYS put them in the same place in your purse, Mom's purse had a decoration on one pocket so the keys always went there.

I use the camera on my phone to take pictures of where my car is parked or my shopping list that I always leave on my desk or in my car. I send reminders to my self via e-mail either to work or home depending on what I need to remember to do where or when. I set alarms and title them to remind me to stop at the store for something or pick someone up if it's not my normal routine.

I use calendars - at work I have a planner and use the calendar and task planner in Outlook as well as a monthly calendar that I track my staffs time off requests. I use the calendar in my phone for all personal and family appointments and at home there is a calendar on the fridge on which we all write our appointments in our designated color. When I look quick I can see that my husband has a medical appointment, the dog needs to have her medicine or go to the groomer, my son is on-call for the week and his GF has an interview.

Most importantly find what works for you.
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But I was reluctant to switch from a flip phone to a smart phone, but I am so glad I did. It may not be for everyone . The Tile app alone has saved me hours our trying to find my keys, phone, camera, password book wallet, car. (The ability to share location also allows my husband and myself the ability to “see” where our cars are located.) The Zmodo app and cameras allowed me to monitor my moms safety when she lived alone.
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First and foremost, and get professional help if you need it, make sure that your affairs - all of them - are in perfect order and up to date. Make sure your will and funeral plans are up to date and current. Establish a good relationship with an attorney and a doctor. Perhaps give some thought to moving into assisted living where you don't have so much responsibility. Is there someone you could entrust to be your POA or otherwise look after you? If not, start looking now - don't wait.
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In December I will be 79. I feel the “clock is ticking” too.

You are more capable than you give yourself credit for.
knowing that you need to take control of your life is the first step. It is being organized enough to be able to carry it out.
The “notebook” idea is a great one! One with alphabetical tabs to be able to do the organizing for you. I found all my paper “notes” to do things were just piling up and getting lost like you mentioned.

It seems like you are computer literate so can you do online banking through your bank? I have found this to be my absolute savior. I have not written a paper check in almost a year. I no longer feel the need to “balance my checkbook”.
That alone saves me so much frustration.

I do keep both a paper paper calendar and another one on my iPad to keep my schedules. I still have a paper Passcode notebook. But I don’t adhere to a “daily” schedule anymore.

Reading is a good pastime and I enjoy going to my little library. I play solitaire on my IPad. Also read the News there too and check out what the weather will be. My family is very scattered but I enjoy “messaging” them everyday.

In reaching this age, I, like you, am beginning to realize there are more and more limits to our capabilities. It is very concerning. Some are just knowing what we can not do anymore and accepting it.

Anxiety is a a big problem with me. I find that keeping myself busy helps with that. Also keeping myself organized. I know I will need the services of a person who can come in to help with the cleaning will help also.

We just need to start somewhere and keep on going the best we can. Keep all of us informed of your progress and concerns. We all help each other here.
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Many good suggestions here. I am also independent living place. I hang my keys on a hook I installed next to the door where I can see them and grab them as I leave. When out, I wear them around my neck on a chain. I have recently started the notebook/binder system which I like but it takes time. I also use a big cardboard box to put incoming stuff in first. I hate scraps of paper. Write things down in a school note book.
One important thing with memory. Quality of sleep every night is very necessary. Gets harder as we get older. Naps are wonderful too. Medications can interfere with sleep. Also pain and worry. Hope you can get some support people to talk to at least. Try not to worry and make yourself happy. Good if you can find some humor to laugh before going to sleep. I like to watch funny cat videos on YouTube. Good also if you have some friends where you live for company. I do and I am rather popular because I like to laugh. We are all in the same boat so it is good we can accept each other as we are. Best Wishes to you!
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Dosmo..I see you mentioned you are in an HMO...while they can harbor some good people, they typically want to save money as well...so if you can afford to go on your own outside the system, you might want to, for the assessment and perhaps for follow ups if needed. They can consult with your HMO most likely.
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Don't fret yet! Sometimes just worrying about something can override logical thinking!

Certainly ensure all legal documents are up to date and absolutely get a full checkup. The "Free" Medicare Wellness exam is anything but. Insist on a full workup. Testing for cognitive abilities should be part of a preliminary exam and if deficiencies are noted, it should result in a referral to a specialist. At the least, you will have a baseline.

If you do end up moving to be closer to family, check your MA plan for coverage. This IS one of the reasons one can change plans OUTSIDE of the normal sign up period. You mention HMO, so more than likely you will be outside the coverage area and will be allowed to change if/when you move. Have a good discussion, preferably in person, with your nephew, so you can be sure he can take on your potential needs. IF he has any issues with it (ask him to be honest!), you will need to set up alternate arrangements. A good EC attorney might be able to help/point you in the right direction.

One time I stopped to see my mother on the way to work, I found her in a befuddled state. Needless to say, it wasn't a "work" day anymore. In her case, because of so much focus put on drinking X amt of water/fluids every day, she was drinking too many fluids! Washes out the electrolytes in your system. Diuretics were not helping either. Potassium was the culprit for her. Once they restored her system with various fluids, she returned to her sharper nastier self!

Forgetting where you left items, such as keys, is very common, esp as we age. Keeping them in the same place does help. If you do misplace something, try to work out in your mind the steps you took that day, retracing activities can sometimes "jog" your memory. If you forget a word, someone's name, the name of a movie, I find trying ever harder to recall it just drives it deeper into the depths! Often when focusing on something else, it pops up. Crossing thresholds flips a switch in your brain, resulting in you forgetting why you went there! Silly as it sounds, I read about this years ago and LiveScience has some recent articles (studies) about it - I do KNOW this happens to me! Sometimes when you just throw up your hands and return through the threshold, the thought comes back magically!

Do eat a good diet. Do stay socially active. Do exercise your brain and your body (as best you can.) Word games are good. Maybe see if there are any math games too or practice your old school tables for add, subtract, multiplication, division.

As for documents, using the folder/envelope (and notebooks) are good ideas. I have to collect tax stuff for both my mother and myself and currently my filing system is stacking everything into one room. Means I have to search for it all! I have been trying to put mom's receipts (supplies/meds not provided by the MC facility) in a folder to save some time.

Checking/bank - if you use checks a lot, be sure to take the time to write down each one and how much, and force yourself to keep a tally. Using a calculator is fine. Makes it easier to reconcile with statements. Mom stopped doing this and it took me HOURS to balance her checking account (3 years worth)! I finally got it down to a few dollars and said good enough for now. I had to take it over when she started making errors on payments or forgetting to pay them. Personally I don't use many checks and rarely use cash (that flows out of your pocket too easily and then is difficult to account for where it went!) Most everything I pay by credit, using one that gives me cash back and pay it off each month. Then I can search online for payments made, if I need to. I still get paper statements, so I can search those piles in that room if I can't find it online! I also keep a monthly record of balances and bill payer payments, so I know what the bottom line will be at the EOM.

Stay with us!
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You have some wonderful suggestions already. And, getting a proper assessment before taking any further action might be the best thing anyone has said.

But, it sounds a lot like you are ready for assisted living instead of independent living. I know that sounds like a huge step - but it might be a huge relief to have someone else doing things for you.

Good luck, sweet lady.
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I am wondering how much you have to do for yourself if you have your own apartment. You are seeing a decline in memory and may have some anxiety, which would be understandable, it might be time to look for someone to help you with daily tasks and they could assist you in house keeping and making phone calls, etc. This would ease your mind and is also a safety issue. (I'm imagining you slipping and falling while cleaning the shower, etc.) If you do not already have such a person, perhaps a local college girl could pop in after class a few days a week? Another thing you will have to start considering is living quarters that provides more assistance when you need it. If living closer to your nephew or having a roommate is not an option there will come a time that you will need assistance. Tour some places in your area or talk to friends around your apartment and church to see what is available that would be acceptable to you. Your advantage is that you are aware of your limitations and memory issues and that you have the time and energy and wits about you to seek help and plan for the future. I had situation with both my mother and father where they were hospitalized and unable to return to their living quarters and we very quickly had to find suitable facilities to care for them. Since I, like your nephew live 6 hours away, I had to rush there to arrange care in a very stressful situation.
As far as others not letting on that you are having problems, most of the time they are trying to be kind and they are repeating things to you or helping you without you noticing. I'm sure they have the best of intentions but only you know yourself well enough to judge, so I applaud you for being so aware and for seeking help. I wish you the best of luck.
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I use TekkieChikk's method as well.  I have 3 ring binder notebooks for everything, having started that years ago, probably arising from the need for instant access to data for large business transactions or lawsuits.  

I have ones for gardening plans, literary research, taxes, medical bills, crafts, tech purchases, phone calls, credit reports, Christmas card lists ....literally everything. 

After my sister died, I set up Trust notebooks with sections on assets (house, cars, financial assets), pet fostering or donation, monetary or asset donations, etc.  

I expanded that when my father died, with all the legal data related to Trust management, contractors, asset disposition options, etc.   Contact lists are included, especially since I'm dealing with more contractors than I have in the past.     And given that I've encountered some real jerks and a few nutcases, I add those notes so I don't accidentally call one of the jerks again.

I LOVE my notebooks!    And to make it easier to deal with challenging subjects, I cut out photos from gardening catalogues, glue them to 8.5 x 11' paper and insert them in the clear plastic fronts.   Then I at least have something lovely to moderate my anxiety when I have to deal with an aspect that I dread, like Trust taxes,

Segregation by category really is a good way to focus on individual aspects and keep notes and stuff separate.    And eventually you can either consolidate or eliminate some of the categories. 
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I also want to emphasize ALZ or dementia research, ESPECIALLY contributing factors.   More research is revealing such factors, including sugar consumption.    And sugary foods can bring on mental confusion from a sugar high.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2018/01/the-startling-link-between-sugar-and-alzheimers/551528/

Work toward a more plant based, organic diet if you can afford to pay more for some of the organic foods.    If not, choose plants that aren't as contaminated and toxic as others:

This is an excellent chart for identifying foods most contaminated by pesticides:

https://www.consumerreports.org/cro/health/natural-health/pesticides/index.htm

You might even work with the community management to see if they'll implement a trip to a Farmer's Market for the residents.    That's a safer way to shop than by transit bus. 

This can actually be exciting if you can view it as a turning point in your life.  

Good luck!
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AlvaDeer Oct 2019
Files in a winebox for me!!!! Hee hee. A PRETTY wine box. After the wine is gone.
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I feel a bit timid, but feel my case might be of benefit to yourself. I too had the "Clock Test" administrated (which I failed), and as a result of both my issues (long term minor concussions) and a general feeling of "losing it". I came to this group to get information on how I might learn when to "hang up the car keys" before I cause irreparable harm. I don't have that yet, but working on it. Both my grandmother had symptoms of some form of dementia (ca 1942), serious enough to require institutionalization. My mother clearly had dementia, Alzheimer likely. Passed away at age 89.

Many of the suggestions made, I already do, in that I keep daily notes, and start each day with the date and time, and can refer back to. Also, as suggested, anything which seems important (Appointments, results, password changes for computer PC and TV channel pass-codes like Netflix, etc.

During conversations, I "lose" intended words, so my conversation appears stilted, If my wife of 32 years is with me, she'll fill in the empty words for me. Oh yeah, about the clock test, my NPN schedule me for a Ultrasound on my Carotid arteries (both, I presume checking for possible Venal Dementia to the brain. I had a brother who due to falls had the arteries damaged, and eventually lost it all.

I wanted to offer other helps, as suggested, to let you know I do understand (too well) for some of the other productive suggestion, but being in short term memory kinda of got lost. And yes, we have all those other documents in planning. (DNR (not yet) POA, etc.

I am fortunate in that I have several caring family within a few miles, both here and in our vacation home. Our new-to-us home we downsized to, I am glad we made that transition and not leave it to my kids (bio & step).

Sometimes I wonder if that old platitude "don't worry, everyone gets a little forgetful as they get older!). While my mother was hospitalized, I found people on her ward could still have brilliant minds into their 90's and 100's but whose bodies were falling apart, and those with excellent bodies, were playing with 49 card deck or simply no longer knew the difference? Or worse, the light in their attic had already burned out. (my mom was in care from her fall to the EOL, about 8 years). (Maybe out looking for Where The Sidewalk Ends)

I use humor a lot as a coping mechanism for my self.

Sorry if I over-stepped, but in my anxiety to learn, I also felt I could share as a part-time caretaker and also as an impending patient (eventually). :(

Robert
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AlvaDeer Oct 2019
SO admire you, and you sound, Robert, more bright and capable than me and any other 10 people put together. Thanks for chiming in here. My brother, with his early Lewy's can often outthink me in a second. I think that those working through very early stages should know that it can stay there for a long time. And also that me with my anxiety cannot think where I put something my longest day. I took a plane trip last April in which everything went wrong and they gave me 150.00 toward my next trip. I will be making that trip (to my bro) November and wasn't until I was cleaning out files last night I remembered I had that coupon! As to where the keys are? Without the trusty nail they could be anywhere along with my distance glasses. Admire your forthrightness, and your guts, and when I look at your words here I can't even begin to imagine the clock is a problem at all. Thanks for writing this. I think you will give courage to so many.
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IF your Asst. Living has a social worker, I would consult that person for guidance. Otherwise, I would make an appt. with your doctor and express your concerns and see if what suggestions are made in that regard. Maybe you need to have outside help coming in to assist. Maybe outside help in an outside living situation would be better in the long run. I would include the relative and see what the person could offer. Maybe would be knowledgeable in many ways or knows someone who could offer helpful advice to you.
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From an RN to another RN - you. Seems you have some dementia beginning. Get to your doctor and get onto any meds that might help preserve your executive functions. Ask your nephew to come visit and set up automatic payments for any recurring bills. Let him know that he will need to start handling your finances now or talk to your accountant about handling your financials. Have one of these people set up a reloadable debit card and agree on the amount of money that should be loaded it each month for your incidentals. Start streamlining your home and assigning a "place" for each item. Label and write reminders for yourself to leave in areas you frequent - bathroom mirror, refrigerator, back of doors.

You did not mention the other legal documents: medical POA, DNR, living will, will... Now is the time to get to a lawyer and have those documents.

You may want to think about what is the best plan for you as your abilities diminish - round the clock caregivers in your apartment (my MIL does this option with her dementia and my BIL manages her care from afar), moving into a phased senior complex that moves residents from independent living to assisted living to total care. Move closer to your nephew. Ask your friends to help care for you.
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I am also 70. Because my Mom has had ALZ for years and I have cared for her, I did not want the same road for me. I joined an ALZ research for 5 years at the nearby hospital which has that department. Each Year they take an MRI and PET scan, blood tests and memory tests. The first time I had the MRI (earlier this year) they saw a white area in the brain which could mark future issues.

Immediately, I began my own research on how to prevent or reverse early ALZ issues. Here is a book which is a MUST for all to read so that you can begin taking self-responsibility on things that regular doctors do not yet put into practice or may not even know about....this is the latest research. I have been on their program, followed their advise now for a year. Cognition is better.

Please read and follow the instructions of Dr. Dale Bredesen's "The End of Alzheimer's - The first program to Prevent and Reverse Cognitive Decline."
Be the most important part of the team which heals you! Don't wait!
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GardenArtist Oct 2019
Balanced caring, excellent precautionary and advanced planning advice.  I'm going to check out Dr. Bredesen's book if I can find it locally.
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Dial 911. Try calling the police or fire department and cry for help. If you are that vulnerable, the police or fire dept. they may be able to physically get you to a facility. Your situation strikes the core fear of myself and others with no family. I do not think the nephew can or will necessarily step up to the bat, and should not count on it. People... when she says, no family, take it literally. No supports.
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Stop with the scraps of paper... record everything in a nice, thick notebook and DON'T tear out the pages... that's your diary of all things important. Date everything as you enter it in the book and keep it in the same location. I've been using this method for 20 years at work (even in my 30s) and there are times when I've had to flip back through several months to find a note or phone number I thought I'd never need again. If you need to take a number with you, then write it on a separate piece of paper.

As others have suggested, keep a bowl or container in sight where you will always keep your keys.

The exercise of saying things aloud is a good one- I do this myself (I'm 56 and forget at least one thing at day, it seems).

As to the memory issues, not sure what to suggest. I've seen ads on TV for memory loss supplements but honestly, taking any kind of drug seems to be rolling the dice (you see an equal number of ads for lawsuits being filed against pharma companies, too.) Maybe time to consider assisted living?
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AlvaDeer Oct 2019
I am big on diaries as well, whether for ourselves or for those who may need to follow up on our care and finding our stuff AND also on any caregiving we are doing for others. Invaluable. Invaluable in any court sitch as well.
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Do you have a friend nearby who could act as an alternate or contingent POA?
Regarding medical POA, I suggest you discuss your Advance Directives with your doctor. There is a wonderful booklet about planning ahead called 5 Wishes.
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My husbands elderly aunt lived alone and never married or had children so her nephew, my husband, was all she had.  We knew she had some issues and we were paying a neighbor to check in on her, cut the grass and take her to the store, but it wasn't until another person in the town called us and said that she had called him looking for her parents.  Her parents had been gone for 45 years.  We simply could not manage her from far away, so we moved her into an assisted living facility by our home.  She was only there for three months or so before we had to move her again into a secured memory care unit.
Your nephew will need more than financial POA to manage your needs.  You need someone to make medical decisions for you as well and have in writing what your wishes are.  You need to call him and tell him he needs to come see you because you are getting worse and some serious decisions need to be made.  Involve your doctor as well.  It is in your best interest to move closer to him so that he can manage all of this.  It is not easy to manage someone's care and you want to make this doable for him.

We wish you well and I am sorry you don't have more family to rally around you during this difficult time.  Take care.
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My heart went out to you when I read this. I think it's time for you to have a good conversation with your nephew, and make sure he listens to you. Could you tell him you need him to set aside some time for an important conversation (so you're not hitting him cold on the phone at a time when he might be too busy to really listen)? And then, at the time you agree on, tell him what you told us here. I feel strongly about this, because I was in his position a few years ago -- I was (am still) the PoA for a widowed cousin who has no other family in a position to help her. She tried to tell me she was having memory problems, and I kept trying to reassure her that she was under a lot of stress (newly widowed, trying to sell her house, etc.) so it wasn't the best time to judge whether she had memory problems. Though that was true, she knew -- just knew -- something was going on, and had I taken this more seriously earlier, she could have given me better direction as to what she wanted. By the time I realized something was definitely going on, it was harder to have the conversations I now wish we’d had, because I want to do right by her, and I don’t always know what that is.

Here are some suggestions based on my cousin’s and my experience: 

1) If you're having trouble keeping up with your finances and need your nephew to take over, tell him; otherwise he won't know until it becomes so obvious that there will likely be some complicated messes for him to sort out. (In the case of my cousin, she just stopped paying bills and started hiding them, so some of them went into collection.)

2) Is your nephew’s name already on all of your bank accounts? I know you said it's on your checking account; if you also have a savings account, you may also want to add him to that, as he may have to transfer money on your behalf at some point.

3) Is your Social Security deposited automatically into your account? If not, set that up, because they do not accept PoAs, ever. Your nephew will have to apply to be a "representative payee" to make decisions about your Social Security.

4) Make sure that if you have investment accounts, they recognize your nephew’s power of attorney. We discovered they did not automatically accept PoAs -- there was an application process that required a couple of layers of paperwork. It got complicated at tax time, because I couldn't get hold of her year-end statements until the paperwork cleared.

5) If you’re ready for your nephew to take over your finances, get duplicates of your bills (or the bills themselves, if you don’t want a copy for yourself) forwarded to his address. It’s very little extra work for me every month to write checks for my cousin’s bills, because they come to me and I write the check from her account (which has my name on it, too). 

6) Make sure his name (and PoA and presumably healthcare proxy) are on file with your doctors. And if he is taking over your finances, make sure the medical bills go to him -- a couple of my cousin's doctors didn’t have this information, and by the time I found out there was money owed, they were threatening collection. 

7) Do you expect your nephew to use his own funds to travel to your location to check on you? Or do you want him to reimburse his travel-related expenses from your account? (If so, make sure that’s in writing -- it’ll help if Medicaid becomes necessary.) 

8) Are you wedded to your current location? If not, you might want to consider moving closer to your nephew. I live quite far from my cousin -- I’m in NY and she’s in Fla. -- and it’s too late for her to move, but she feels extremely lonely. If I could do it over, I would have my cousin look at continuing care facilities near me because I would be able to check on her in person more often, and she'd be closer to family, which she often says she wishes she were.
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Judysai422 Oct 2019
Great suggestions with one possible exception. Your nephew should only be on any of your accounts as POA, not as a joint own. This is an important distinction because if he is a joint owner and, heaven forbid, someone sues you, his own assets could be at risk. The same is true if he gets sued...they could come after your assets. This was explained to us by our elder attorney, so it is wise advice.
One other suggestion. There are professionals who will handle bill paying, etc. For you. If your nephew cannot take on the POA responsibilities, then that is an option to consider.
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Tell your doctor about balance issues. He/she can arrange for home health care to come out for therapy at your home. My sister and I did this for our mom and it helps so much. You do have to do your exercises every day to keep your balance in working order.
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See if there is a local Alzheimer's organization in your area. I am in St. Louis and we have a good one. Contact the local senior center if you have one. Get a Desk! or at least somewhere you can put things. I struggle too, and have to put things in their proper place, or I lose it and my mind. Hope this helps.

Michael from St. Louis
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I have a dear friend who is like a brother to me who has told me, more than once, that I worry too much. So I want to point out that some memory loss as we get older, as you know, is to be expected, and we just have to devise a plan to help us remember better. Keep an appt book, have one with an address/phone section in back. I like the hard copies rather than the computerized stuff anyhow.
My guess is the stress of this worry is complicating things, and may even impact scores if you are tested. Clearly you are sharp enough to communicate here (an on the computer!!!) and to have awareness of your concerns.
Even in the worst case scenario, you will be calmer knowing that you can make plans that would make you more comfortable. Assuming you have a good relationship with the nephew I would communicate with him. Find out who the best and most compassionate neurologist is in your area...it can often take a while to get an appt to see the good people. In the meantime I'd find a good certified elder law attorney who charges by the task, i.e. a flat rate for a consult and they can guide you through the process. I'd guess you don't want to impose on the nephew any more than you have to, so doing this "leg work" prior will probably make things easier.
Assuming you are close with this nephew, would you want to consider moving closer to him?
You have a lot on your plate, but things have a way of working out. And as someone else said, if you have a local office on aging (can you call 211, or your local city hall to find out?) they may be a resource for you.
take good care and let us know how you are doing...
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Is there a YMCA or similar facility near you that offers classes for seniors? Many people take classes (like Silver Sneakers) specifically to help them with balance. Classes also offer regular social contact and a chance to share ideas on how to cope with daily living.
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Local Area Agencies on Aging often offer trained and vetted volunteers to help seniors with money management. For example of the types of services: https://seniorconnections-va.org/services/support-to-stay-home/money-management/ The RSVP program also provides these kinds of services, http://seniorsinservice.org/volunteer/rsvp/bill-payer/ (these links are to particular programs as examples, since I don't know where you live.)

Dosmo, so sorry to hear about the loss of your kitty. We recently lost our 16 year old kitty (lymphoma) and I must say I'm having a terribly hard time with it even though I'm not alone as you are.
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I also wanted to say, Good for you for paying attention to your own situation and for recognizing the need for a "Plan for Action!"
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You could hire someone to come in once or twice a week to help write checks and manage paperwork. You would need to be sure of their background and references, but I used to do that myself. I was the "home office" help and could help as well with errands, appointments, etc.

Look for senior agencies in your area which have referral services for things you need help with at home. Consider part-time in home help for things that are too difficult to manage.

Continue the activities you enjoy. Don't beat yourself up about the games and activities that you find frustrating or confusing. Is there a book club in your area that you could get to? That is sometimes a nice supplement to your reading choices.

Good luck to you and to us. I am likewise on my own in my late 70's and trying to plan ahead for managing life as my own abilities decline.
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Bronish Oct 2019
I find that these ideas and suggestions are helpful and excellent food for thought.
I'm starting to feel concerns as well....about how I'm going to cope and manage stuff like survival. I cannot rely upon my only child, my daughter who has sternly informed me that she doesn't want to be stuck helping me, that if she has to help me financially, then that will be akin to me taking food out of the mouths of her children....she does NOT want to have to help me, should that day ever arrive. Btw, at this writing, she's not married, no children.... she's just now finished her education, and has been busy at work as a resident doctor, but now she's a bonefide doctor.
I don't know where to turn, especially as I grow older and begin to experience a diminishing of my capabilities. I'm praying day and night to the Lord to take me home very soon. I don't want to burden my daughter anymore than she hates me to become a potential burden.... it's scary when family doesn't want to be there for you, in case you need to be assisted.
Right now, I'm in great health, but having big trouble already financially. Like I said, I'm praying that the Lord Jesus Christ has mercy on me, and will soon deliver me out of this Shadowlands...to borrow from C.S.Lewis. 😃
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Kudos to those who have mentioned “anxiety” as a fouling agent for clear and relaxed and focused thought.
My anxiety level reduces my NEEDED sleep, my pleasure with homely old activities that I once relished, and positive, comfortable interactions with friends and loved ones.

It seems to me that I have read about some services run by the AARP for seniors with concerns like yours, Dosmo. Personally, I feel more confident about your sorts of questions if I can research them to some extent before actually talking to the humans involved in running them.

I concur with the suggestions previously offered for getting some formal assessment of your current circumstances. Although from your background, you must know, a diagnosis of something as nebulous as cognitive status can cause more concern without yielding information, there’s still a certain amount of security brought by getting more knowledge about what you’re dealing with.
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Thanks for all the helpful suggestions from those who responded to me.

Margaret, I've begun to use a something like your "bag 'n hook" system for remembering important items. It does help! Also my new walker has a neat little bag with extra zippered pockets under the seat which has become a replacement for my purse. And I never lose my walker. Your big envelope labeled "tax info" is what I'm doing now. It will be a relief, if need be, to turn it over to someone else to figure out. And a businessman recently reminded me that it's most likely all on computer somewhere, so misplacing some things is not necessarily a crisis.

As for the clock, I haven't used a digital watch for years. The old "two-handed" type watch face worked better for my job anyway. And I always had trouble setting a digital type watch.

I live in an active independent living facility. They all play bridge, poker, rummikub (?) hand 'n foot etc. Not FUN for me because I can't remember the rules or what cards I've played. Nobody plays Scrabble ( I used to be really good at that....maybe not any longer, I don't know) I can still play Bingo, however, and I love to read! Also, I'll try to get back to word search and crossword puzzles on my own.
My favorite activities used to involve pets. But I recently had to have my 18 yr old cat put down due to diabetes and kidney failure. I still cry sometimes missing him. Maybe I could get transportation to help socialize some animals at a pet rescue. But would I be allowed with my poor mobility? I liked getting outdoors to observe wildlife, but don't know how to do that anymore.
Anyway, I appreciate all your suggestions.

I will make some neurological testing a priority, AlvaDeer. And I'll let you know how that turns out, but don't know how to send you a private e mail.
Dosmo
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AlvaDeer Oct 2019
You press your cursor on my name. It will click on my profile and you will see a place for "message" right below me. There you can decide to press PRIVATE message in upper left hand and just write me, then send.
I lost my "last" little dog last weekend. About 9 days ago. Hard. At 77 I won't get another but will continue to foster as rescue in my home. She was such a sweet good girl, 16 years old, never sick until the last week, and no suffering, just more sleep. Had to have the vet come a week ago this last Saturday. Painful for certain. Have always had pets, both cats and dogs. Hard to imagine no more, and yet, if I am scrupulously honest, an odd relief of one less thing to be responsible to/for. So many passages are tough. Hope you stay in touch on the forum, and I love word search and such stuff. You can play scrabble with yourself, you know! And see which of you wins.
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Dosmo13, is your IL apartment part of a larger complex that offers a continuum of care? If not, as you figure out your physical issues, I'm wondering if you should consider finding AL in a senior community with a continuum of care near your nephew? He is the most likely person to be your best advocate, but he can't really do it from 6-hours away. If he is willing to do "some" oversight of your wellbeing, then at least 1) you will be near family; 2) you will be engaged in a community of like-people and 3) you won't need to worry about your medical care and your nephew won't have all the responsibility. I know it is a big step to pick up and move (and only if he is willing) so I'm not suggesting this lightly.

I also like Caroli1's suggestion about hiring a financial trustee, but that doesn't solve your help and care issues. If you have the financial means, you can hire a reputable in-home service (I have used Visiting Angels) to help you daily while you sort things out? Or, can you move to AL now if your community offers it? Wishing you blessings and peace!
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