I cleaned out all his clothes, sold his model train collection, and just got rid of mostly all of his possessions within about 60 days.
He was a raging alchoholic, and I'm a rescuer and empath by nature.
Due to having a couple of family members who have narcissistic behavior tendencies, I've been researching NPD, and suddenly I realised that my deceased husband was, in fact, a narcissist. What a revelation!!
I felt nothing but relief when he died, and spent a lot of time reconnecting with my children and the rest of my family (this was a second marriage) Never did I ever mourn his loss. I still feel guilt over this.
He had two sons with whom I'm still in contact.
When we get together they have happy memories of their father, and I don't spoil their memories. He treated them well for the most part while he was living, but he seldom saw them. However he was very mean to my two sons and their families, and also my extended family.
How it took this long to realize what was going on, I do not know. I'm a retired registered nurse, I should have picked up on this, and left him, I see now.
I met my current husband in 2014. married in 2016. He is an amazing, loving, caring man for whom family means everything. He treats me like a queen, and both my children and stepchildren adore him. My husband doesn't know my history with my deceased husband (I didn't want him to think I was broken, and I always kept his behavior a secret from friends and family)
I still feel kind of guilty because my deceased husband died without being healed. I know that I tried hard, but he just couldn't see himself as having mental problems, and here I am, having a wonderful life with my current husband, as well as our two families, as I always hoped.
My question is, should I share this info with my husband just to get it out in the open? He of course can't really do anything about it, but now I feel guilty about keeping a secret from him. It's really the only thing I've ever kept from him.
Have you ever seen one of the pictures that is made up of hundreds of other pictures/photos? Up close all you can see are the smaller individual pictures. It is not until you step back and look at the whole thing that you see another picture.
That is what most lives are like.
We live in the now, seeing what is going on now. It is not until we step back and look at what has happened that we see the larger picture that is our life. Some people never see it. Some people see it to late. And for some it takes years of therapy to see it. All those little pictures make us who we are. And it is constantly changing as we add new "pictures"
You can share whatever part of your life you want to share.
You are under no obligation to do so.
But it is part of who you are.
Every life we touch and ones that touch us has an effect. It might be a ripple or it might be a tsunami most are in between.
Now to grief.
No one can tell you how or when to grieve.
Some grieve before death
You may have grieved before. Grief for a life, marriage that should have been but wasn't. (have you ever asked yourself if he had not died would you have remained married to him?)
You share what you feel like sharing.
How much does your husband know about your late?
Do not feel guilty (we use that so much and it is the wrong word to use)
From what you have gone through I hope you have found a gentleman that you will grieve when he dies, or one that will grieve when you die. Sounds odd when I write it out but what I mean is that I hope that you have both found each other and that you are good to and for each other.