In mid-June I will need to undergo surgery--I have a malignant growth on one side of my thyroid gland. I have NOT told my Mom it's cancerous (she had a mastectomy in 1988, when she was 58). She does know I will have surgery. Then two weeks later I will have to go back for a post-operative isolation for a few days...some close relatives will take my place. How should I prepare my mother (of the "Doppelganger" situation) for this?
I hope others more experienced with dementia have some ideas about explaining your treatments (or at least your absences) to your mom. I wonder, is her memory such that she would be able to remember from one day to another what you've advised her? I can see you want to prepare her, but not alarm her also with information she can't handle, right? This is difficult, to be sure.
My sig other was able to handle the grocery store runs. And my parents changed their doctor appointment to later dates.
I was afraid if i told my folks about the cancer they would go back into their helicopter parent mode and I didn't need that stress during recovery.
Good luck with the surgery. It should be simple with little down time.
If I had a bad cold and was home from work, Mom would be on the phone at least once an hour to see how I am feeling, giving suggestions, wanting to know if there was anything she or my dad could do. Mom was acting like I was on my last breath.
Ok it was sweet of them to check up on me, but enough already. Nothing like finally getting to sleep and the phone would ring.... [sigh]. Plus it wasn't like I could say "could Dad run to the drug store and get me cough drops" as neither one were driving due to their advanced age.
Of course, at 86 and with heart issues, she shouldn't have been expected to recover like a younger person; but the surgery turned out to be more complicated and extensive than expected, too.
I pray the best for you, and a speedy and full recovery.
All the same, I like to expect the best while I prepare for the worst.
Day before, " Mom, Sally and Mike (substitute family names) will be coming over tomorrow when I go to the hospital for a little procedure. I should be home on _______. I'll call you each day. Have fun with the family. They want to take you out for a hamburger. You'll like that!"
Good luck Doogie. We're all here pulling for you.
But if she is a resident in some sort of care facility then tell her the day before & make light of it like 'I have a small cyst that annoys me when I do up my top button & wear a tie so I'm doing this to avoid buying new clothes ... you know how I hate shopping' or something along that line because she would focus more on the end part of shopping not the earlier part of surgery - don't use the word 'surgery' either use 'procedure'
During your recovery make sure to stand back & let yourself heal for her sake as well yours - I heard there is a rule of thumb for recovery ... 1 week for every hour you are on the table to start feeling like you're getting better but 1 month for every hour before you are better - I have found with friends & family that this is about right - so don't over do things - your second procedure sounds like the iodine treatment & is usually just a precautionary to avoid to many people so get a good book to read but nothing to heavy just something light & humorous - good luck
Keep the reason for being missing simple, even if you can call it a business trip or a mini-vacation. If you have to tell her about the real reason, refer to the surgery as a 'procedure' and the second trip as follow up for test results or suture removal or the like.
It would be good if your "backups" could take on some care time before you have this done - get her used to having the others take on your role. They should be there to assist you after the surgery as well. You do not want to over-exert and rupture sutures or cause any set back!
Sounds like the second round is the radioIodine treatment? My 19 yo cat had that done in February of last year (depending on who's chart you use, she would have been around 90 in human years at that time!!) She had to stay for a few days and then be "isolated" at home for a bit after (no snugglies, separate litter box, special disposal, etc.) So, even after you come home from that "vacation", you'll likely have to keep personal interactions with mom limited, if at all, for a week or two, meaning you might need to rely on your "backups" for a bit longer... You can always fib and say you've pulled a muscle or sprained your ankle (get some props if needed!) and need some help for a bit... :-)