I moved my mother in with me three years ago. When I moved her in with me I was retired and not working. My daughter who also lives with us was working so I was able to stay home. About a year ago my daughter had a stroke and is unable to work and is still waiting for disability. I had to return to the workforce to handle the household bills. My mother is a doctor junkie and when I moved her in she had at least 8 Doctors she was seeing and had multiple medication(s). I have siphoned her down to two doctors and reduced her medication to only what she needs which is a lot of supplements. Within those 3 years she has fallen on several occasions which required trips to the hospital and follow up care. She blames her balance issues on a series of mini strokes. However, no one seems to know the Doctor who cared for her or made this diagnosis. Just about every time she has fallen, it has been behind closed doors with different stories about what happened. On one occasion my mother “fell” on the porch while we were all out back, my granddaughter later said grandma laid down then said she fell. On two occasions I walked in to check on my mother and she was jamming her shoulder into the chair which she injured in one of her falls. I have spoken to her PCP about this but it was shrugged off. I’m really concerned that she is going to really injure herself very badly seeking attention. I want her to see a health care professional regarding these issues, but when I bring this up I hit a wall. How do I get the care she needs to stop hurting herself?
1. Does she have a medical issue that might cause this.
2. Ask for a referral for a neurological evaluation to rule out dementia that might be causing her behavior. A neurologist can attempt to clarify her history of mini strokes (when, where and who diagnosed).
3. Ask for a referral for the VNA to send a social worker out to assess her safety at home due to her history of "falls"/ attention seeking behavior.
Sometimes we have to be assertive to get the care our family members need. Healthcare professionals are seeing more patients in less time, trying to deal with electronic record-keeping during visits and some times in the rush, "minor issues" aren't addressed as well as they could be. I am absolutely not being critical of any provider at all when I say this.
If you can talk to the doctor with a list in front of you it's a lot easier because they know what your concerns are and how you would like to see them addressed. They might have different or better ideas but you have opened up a dialog and now they know you have your mom's best interests at heart.
I'm not a medically-trained professional, but do have a background in a medical administrative position. I have been around this block more than once with both of my parents and have been a full-time caregiver for the last 7 years. You learn a few things along the way; The most important thing is that we are the ones that know our loved ones best and often the ones who have to be the squeaky wheel.
This, for me, applies to pediatricians, veterinary doctors and any doctor your elderly LO is seeing. Babies and pets often can't talk, so WE have to advocate. Young kids can't always express what needs to be said. Elders often brush things off. Add in a dash of dementia, forget it! I've lost count how many times my mother was beside herself, ill or in pain, but when you get to the doctor's or the ER, absolutely nothing wrong, she's 100% fine!
Any doc or vet who doesn't talk WITH me about the exams, issues, etc isn't going to keep my business.
In my mother's case, SSDI was approved, because she had been working within a few months of her stroke, which meant that her SSDI was eligible and not denied for the a no-recent-work technicality.
As my mother experienced, your daughter would be approved if she has a "Disorganization of motor function in two extremities , resulting in an extreme limitation in the ability to stand up from a seated position, balance while standing or walking, or use the upper extremities, persisting for at least 3 consecutive months after the insult."
All in all, the methodology to obtain SSA approval the wording on the application must match the SSA BLUE BOOK parameters.
https://www.ssa.gov/disability/professionals/bluebook/11.00-Neurological-Adult.htm#11_04
MOTHER: Your mother, based on your post is exhibiting VERY manipulative behaviors. Would she stop her nonsense if you toured a nursing home with her?
Minimally your mother seems to be competing with your daughter, for attention.
The indicator of competition is your mother's utilization of the word stroke, to "explain" her incidents. That being said, it's time to present nursing home options to tame your mother's manipulations.
Neurology = the department that handles elder brain functioning. I've mentioned Neurology based on the number of replies saying to ask her doctor for a referral to a psychologist. Technically your mother, based on your post, is beyond the realm of psychology, meaning it's time to ask her PCP for a neurologist referral because, your mother's behaviors and statements mandate an MRI and/or CT scans for the most accurate evaluation.
TLDR: Research the following: SSDI Blue Book, Nursing tours and Neurology referral.
Through some research online, I figured out my mother had signs of early dementia myself (some of the very subtle signs were missed previously, but she lived alone and I knew nothing about dementia then. it's only in hindsight that these incidents make sense!) Initially the plan was to try to keep her in her own place longer, so I hired aides 1hr/day. Before starting, they sent a nurse to do the screening/evaluation. This IS covered by Medicare and was more extensive than the test a PCP office does. It was less scary/threatening to her as it was done in her place, at the kitchen table, with 2 of us there observing. You might be able to get this evaluation done in other ways (through doc office, if they aren't being stupid still), but you could contact local aide agencies to see if they provide this service - you could imply intent to hire, but need to have mom evaluated first. Schedule it when YOU can be there, to ensure mom participates (and gets the attention she craves!) If they determine dementia, if she can afford to hire care-givers, perhaps having an aide there at least part of the day while you are working can keep her occupied. This should NOT fall on your daughter, she has enough on her plate to deal with! However, she could at least monitor the activities and relationship between your mom and the care-giver(s) - not all are a good fit, and it may take trying several to find the right person/people.
"I have spoken to her PCP about this but it was shrugged off. I’m really concerned that she is going to really injure herself very badly seeking attention."
This PCP is doing your mother a disservice. Either PUSH back and get the issues addressed or find another doctor. No matter what your concerns are, they should not be "shrugged off." Full checkup, blood and urine tests for starters. If nothing is found, then insist on additional evaluation. If he shrugs off again, either find someone else, or hint at legal action if she harms herself.
Always better to entice the bees with honey, but sometimes that doesn't work!
Don't worry about her truly hurting herself. She evidently has the presence of mind to "fall" and not hurt herself too much. She is acting like a child, and therefore needs to be treated like one. A loved child, but a child nonetheless. Some ways to approach this:
1. "Mom, I don't think this is a safe place for you anymore. I'm very worried! Since I have to work and daughter isn't well, we need to get you into an assisted living place ASAP. I've found a few nice ones close by that I think you'll love."
2. "Oh, you fell again? You're fine. I'll help you up and have you lie on the couch for awhile." Do just that and walk away.
3. "It seems like you're bored here, Mom. I found a great senior 'day care' place where you can have fun things to do."
I suppose #3 seems like the option she may agree to most. I assume she will balk at the Assisted Living suggestion. When you don't rush her to a hospital for every "fall", she will get the message that her antics aren't working anymore.
If she does "fall" and actually does get hurt, then it'll be Assisted Living time regardless. You can get the ball rolling with this as soon as she is in the hospital. Best thing would be to get into AL straight from the hospital.
IF she is cognizant a sit down talk with her might be in order. Tell her that if she continues to "fall" or get hurt that this might not be the safest place for her and begin looking for Assisted Living for her.
If she is not cognizant. but grasps what she is doing a move to Memory Care might be a proper place. If she does not grasp what is going on a move to Memory Care might be in order there would be more eyes on her, less "alone" time so less falls. ( Don't get me wrong falls do happen)
The best way to "prove" she is doing this on purpose is to install cameras. The main problem would be that cameras can not be placed in areas where one would expect privacy (bathrooms for example) in that case if she is doing this on purpose all of her falls would then happen in areas where there are no cameras. (that would be telling in itself)
Next time you see her hurting herself call 911 and tell the dispatcher that she is self harming and you are concerned for her safety.
How to get the care she needs to stop doing this depends on her cognitive ability. Therapist, psychiatrist, medications and time. You need to get to the Why before you can get to the stopping.
Tall to your mom about why she is hurting herself and let her know that you will be making an appointment to have her psychologically assessed.
So sorry about ur daughter. My niece had a stroke in her early 40s. She is now 48 and has bounced back. Not 100% but she walks without a cane and drives locally. She says CBD oil has helped her. Hopefully she has a lawyer helping ur daughter. She will get a retro payment going back to the day she applied if excepted for SSD.
If your daughter actually saw mom get down on the ground then lie saying she fell, that proves it.
There's two ways to handle this nonsense and both work most of the time. Find her something to do during the day like adult day care or the local senior center for the day. Tell her that because of her falls that it's too risky to let her stay home while you go to work because your daughter won't be able to help her if she gets hurt. If she refuses day care or the senior center then tell her she will have to go into a nursing home or an AL facility for her own safety because she could get seriously injured the next time she falls if there's no one around that can help.
Get your daughter in on it too. Guaranteed you will see a drastic and immediate reduction in the number of "falls" your mother has.
What injuries resulted from these falls, and what follow up care was given?
You say that no one seems to know who diagnosed your mother's series of mini strokes. Who have you asked?