My uncle just died and his obituary was a well written summary of his life and legacy. The obituary itself said he left memoirs and I am sure that helped his family. My mom & dad are both 87 so I want to be prepared for when the time comes. It seems that writing the obituary would be a hard task to do right after death, has anyone else began writing the obituary before death? And what are some clever ways I can get them to give me information? I really don't want to tell them what I am doing. Just wanted to ask the community their experiences. Thanks!
Boy I felt on the spot! I asked for some time and selected a dignified loving text to engrave on each side. I had our last name in the middle.
Neither parent has passed away yet. I’ll be cremated so I won’t take up any room. They bought the headstone fifteen years ago! But they’ve never had a POA drawn up so I can take care of them now.
My mother wrote my grandma’s obituary right before she died.
I’m not so sure I want an obituary myself. I don’t want people knowing my business. Yes, I’m strange and so is my family. I don’t want a funeral either.
Mom and dad want a grand sendoff!!
We brought along a tape recorder to tape their answers during the car ride, it was fun, and of course we knew many of their stories, but it did come in handy for dates and such. It's especially nice now, bringing out that old cassette tape, hearing their voices and listening to their stories!
We kept our Obits short, but had very extensive Eulogies for both of them, as with 6 kids and many Grandkids, their are a lot of memories! And Yes, even 14 and 15 years ago, Obituaries are so very expensive!
All anyone needs to know.
Plus there are "obituary scams". These scammers will claim they have important information of the love one who had passed, and will ask for money so that the info will be sent to the widow or widower, or their grown children. Or claim that the love one had owed them money.
Scammers will claim to be from the VA [if the obit has military service mentioned] saying they have an expired life insurance policy, thus if the widow or grown children send a certain amount of money, this life insurance policy can be available to them.
Crooks also use obituaries to plan robberies while the family is at a service. So if you do want to have an obituary in print, do it AFTER the date of service.
Be careful what you write on Facebook.
https://www.aarp.org/money/scams-fraud/info-2018/scams-using-obituaries.html
I am doing a major family tree, and I found that obituaries didn't offer me any more information then what I had found already generated on Ancestry.com.
I started talking to my mom and dad a couple years ago. Not interviewing and taking notes but just asking about the old days. They loved telling their stories and I learned much more about our family history.
Later after mom died and Dad was in care I spent time going through old pictures and the obit and ulogy started taking shape in my head. I also had some help from my nephew who’s a good writer.
It came together very nicely. The obit and the service were brief but covered Mom’s life and times pretty well.
I’m not sure how many people actually read those long obits you see families do. And that’s big bucks.
plus like someone said it was kinda expensive, even as small/average sized obit. I found myself cutting out as much as I could and staying within a certain letter count.
plus trying to locate the "right" picture I wanted in the paper.
im not very good at writing something that sounds "nice" I have to read other obituaries for ideas on how to express myself. (hope that doesn't sound bad. but some obits have such a nice feel to them)
You will need to rough out at least a basic family tree. Otherwise you might find them looking at you narrowly, not taken in for a moment!
During the time I spent caregiving for him, I talked to him a lot. I would write down things he said that I wanted to remember, and it turned out that this really helped me to write the obit.
After the basics--parents, family names, etc, you'll want to write something that is an homage of sorts to the person. I was able to write that daddy was a very hard worker, loved his family and his religion, and had taught all 6 of us values that served us our whole lives. A few very short comments on his amazing life and influences and that was it.
Obituaries are VERY expensive. Mother balked a little at the cost, but in the end, knew that many old friends would want to read and remember him.
Talking to your LO and writing down, in advance essentially a "rough draft" of the things you want to have said NOW, before they pass will help you to get an obit written that will stand as a tribute. Make sure you have dates, places, names of people who would be mentioned in an obit. This can be done by simply talking to your LO about their lives. Unless you never talked to your folks or lived in a cave, you probably DO already "know" what you want to say. Having the obit "pre written" will be so much easier than if you suddenly are faced with the daunting prospect of writing one.
I can't imagine your folks not wanting to share information. Most elderly folks can't get enough attention and talking to someone who'll listen!