Is there any help out there for a caregiving wife? I weigh approx. 115 lbs. and he is approx.185 lbs. and can't walk. I seriously cannot handle him.

The help out there has to start with you deciding you will not live like you currently are anymore and having the courage to make big changes. No matter your husband’s health situation, there is never an excuse for verbal abuse and for you to even attempt to provide a level of care on your own that exceeds the capabilities of any one person. This isn’t your fault. My mother survived a devastating stroke, there was never a question of us being able to provide the level of care she required as she was a complete, two person assist for everything. Please see a lawyer, do not say where you’re going, not a peep, and also call your local Area Agency on Aging for a needs assessment for both husband and mom. Tell the AAA in plain language that you cannot continue in this situation. If necessary, when husband next lashes out, call 911 and have him transported to hospital, and once there tell every staff member there is no one at home to provide the care he requires. I’m sorry for your pain in this and hope you’ll one day soon be coming back to tell us how you gathered the courage to make changes. I wish you peace

He sounds tremendously ungrateful and your role is nurse/servant. You matter. I’m a Caregiving wife too. Although my DH is a kind sweetheart, he also refuses to even minimally remain active to maintain mobility. We’ve had many a hard talk that when he’s no longer mobile (as in your case) AL will be his reality. The size difference of physically 126lb vs 220lbs. is impossible to lug him around. My back and rotator cuff are fried already. It’s heartbreaking but that’s where we are.

My best advice is to please plan an exit for yourself. Tuck away your share of funds discreetly and consult an attorney. You say he is not mobile so I would imagine calling an ambulance to transport him to ER would be the way to eventually transition him to a facility that is equipped with skilled professionals to meet his needs. Be ready for his wrath, social worker pressure with lofty promises for home care help, etc…. Insist home is not safe for him anymore. You’ve done more than enough and earned some peace.

You say that your (second) husband is 70 years old, is hard to handle physically, is verbally abusive, and “its just getting worse by the day”. That’s on top of the results of his ‘brain bleed/ stroke’. If he “can’t walk”, you are waiting on him hand and foot.

If you don’t separate, this is the rest of your life, laid out for you to see. On top of that, it sounds as though you have more love for your mother than for this man, and that he is a part of your problem of feeling alienated from your family.

See a divorce lawyer for advice first, then go ahead giving your own life priority. That’s the “help” you almost certainly need right now. If you have joint bank accounts, open one in your own name and split the balance – joint accounts are often cleaned out immediately when divorce is first mentioned.

My heart aches for you as I read this. There is no way you can safely take full responsibility for your husband, unfortunately. Start with an elder care attorney to discuss your options. My attorney was wonderful and incredibly helpful. A consult is not terribly expensive and was worth way more than I paid. I'm praying for you, Christine, that God will guide you on to a path that is doable and give you wisdom as you make these hard decisions.

I, too, have had a brain aneurysm just like your husband. Fortunately for me, and through lots and lots of prayers, I have regained 100% of my health.

DO NOT allow your husband to verbally abuse you regardless of whether he’s ill or not, and you should follow the advice that’s given to you here on this forum. It sounds like your husband has psychological problems and he’s taking out his frustration on you. You need to walk away from this abusive situation before you become ill and then there won’t be anyone to take care of you. You are worthy to have peace in your life.

There are choices here. You can place both your husband and your mother in a care facility. Or hire in-home caregivers. I think your best bet based on what you've said would be placement for both of them. There are also landscapers who can do your yard work and housekeepers who can do your housework.

Like all things in this life, nothing is going to be free. If you own your home may have to sell it and move somewhere smaller. You may have to get by on less income if your husband is placed. You may have to get a job to bring in money to pay for your expenses.

There are choices out there for you. The way you're living now does not have to be the only life you can have.

I see from your profile that you even called the police and got your husband jailed. (Then you dropped the charges).

If it's gotten to the point that you had to jail your husband ---- you need to get a divorce. Yesterday.

The only reason I can imagine that you continue to live with him, is financial. You feel you need to be in that house, and your Mom benefits too, since she lives there too. They (husband, Mom) need to hire caregivers, but I guess they have no money, otherwise you would have hired already. The fact that your children hate you, means something is very wrong ---- adult children aren't that easily manipulated to the point of hating a parent, unless something wrong happened.

1. I hope you can smoothen things out with your children asap.
2. I suggest you get a divorce.

Time to place DH. Go to an elder lawyer and have ur assets split. DHs split going to his care and when almost gone, apply for Medicaid. You stay in the home, have enough money to live on and a car.

You cannot care for 2 people. Since he is the worst of 2 evils, he goes.😊

This is all too much - physically and mentally. You need a serious break from it all. What is possible? What do YOU want?

Time to place both your husband and mother into a facility.

Check the coronavirus community level in your area. Your mother requires professional help and medication for her anxiety of coronavirus, can be via Zoom. Does or can she have her updated booster vaccines to keep her out of the hospital? If not, contact her doctor to get protection.