He is verbally abusive and on top of all of that I am trying to keep up with the house and yard because he has alienated the whole family and at the same time I am trying to take care of my 81 yr old mother that has not left the house since the pandemic started.
My best advice is to please plan an exit for yourself. Tuck away your share of funds discreetly and consult an attorney. You say he is not mobile so I would imagine calling an ambulance to transport him to ER would be the way to eventually transition him to a facility that is equipped with skilled professionals to meet his needs. Be ready for his wrath, social worker pressure with lofty promises for home care help, etc…. Insist home is not safe for him anymore. You’ve done more than enough and earned some peace.
If you don’t separate, this is the rest of your life, laid out for you to see. On top of that, it sounds as though you have more love for your mother than for this man, and that he is a part of your problem of feeling alienated from your family.
See a divorce lawyer for advice first, then go ahead giving your own life priority. That’s the “help” you almost certainly need right now. If you have joint bank accounts, open one in your own name and split the balance – joint accounts are often cleaned out immediately when divorce is first mentioned.
DO NOT allow your husband to verbally abuse you regardless of whether he’s ill or not, and you should follow the advice that’s given to you here on this forum. It sounds like your husband has psychological problems and he’s taking out his frustration on you. You need to walk away from this abusive situation before you become ill and then there won’t be anyone to take care of you. You are worthy to have peace in your life.
Like all things in this life, nothing is going to be free. If you own your home may have to sell it and move somewhere smaller. You may have to get by on less income if your husband is placed. You may have to get a job to bring in money to pay for your expenses.
There are choices out there for you. The way you're living now does not have to be the only life you can have.
If it's gotten to the point that you had to jail your husband ---- you need to get a divorce. Yesterday.
The only reason I can imagine that you continue to live with him, is financial. You feel you need to be in that house, and your Mom benefits too, since she lives there too. They (husband, Mom) need to hire caregivers, but I guess they have no money, otherwise you would have hired already. The fact that your children hate you, means something is very wrong ---- adult children aren't that easily manipulated to the point of hating a parent, unless something wrong happened.
1. I hope you can smoothen things out with your children asap.
2. I suggest you get a divorce.
You cannot care for 2 people. Since he is the worst of 2 evils, he goes.😊
Check the coronavirus community level in your area. Your mother requires professional help and medication for her anxiety of coronavirus, can be via Zoom. Does or can she have her updated booster vaccines to keep her out of the hospital? If not, contact her doctor to get protection.
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