Hello. I have been a live-in 24/7 caregiver to my sister's mother-in-law with dementia for 7 years. I have an oppurunity to move out and get my own place. Another sister has a apartment that she need to rent. She asked me because she knows this job has been so stressful and mentally exhausting, taking a toll on my health. She wants me to find peace and get some kind of life back. She would not charge me much. I would not have a job, but right now I believe for my sanity and health, it might be best to take a step back after I move to get myself back. It would be the best thing to take the apartment to get some kind of life back. The other thing is, I thought when I did move out here I would back out state I would be moving to is in the state I live in now, but maybe this could be a stepping stone, but it would be my place. The other thing is the daughter would have to place her mother and I know it would be hard for her. I have to think of myself and health so I am conflicted, but I know it the best for me to get out of this situation, because like I said, it's 24/7 and not much time off and it is taking a toll. It's not going to change and the lady getitng worse. Thank you. Sorry this is so long. I just need help in my decision.
If you just want to find another line of work, then give them all notice and move on. If you don't plan to look for work, you haven't created a better path for your future.
Where you get off this train is up to you. Whether you stop full-time caregiving, move to one of a bigger team, become a wonderful visitor for this lady in a memory care facility, or even have no further contact - it is up to you.
But your sister's MIL will stay on the train. I'm sure you have made a wonderful travelling partner, but now she needs more than one to meet her increasing needs.
Kindly explain to her relative that an assessment of her needs is due as she needs more care. This is your gift to her. MORE care.
Then take your freedom & choose your next path. All the best for your own life journey.
Are you planning to quit the caregiving entirely, give notice, and then move? Or are there any expectations of what you will be doing for 'family' once you move?
Proceed with a wonderful opportunity to get yourself free!
Courage! You can do this. Banish negative thoughts and uncertainties. You'll be so grateful to yourself when you're on the other end.
Best wishes
Things seem to fall into place for you right now.
You already made up your mind and thought of all the pros and cons and you need to put yourself first. It is your life and as many people mentioned, the lady’s issues will only get worse and not easier to handle for you.
Best of luck and best wishes! 🙂
What will happen when your sister's MIL dies? --you will be left on your own! unless she is wealthy and leaves a fortune to you in her will, I would take that opportunity to leave this situation.
and don’t agree to any ‘part time ‘
situations.
when you’re ready look for another line of work .
best of luck
You have done the very best you could, to help this lady live at home for 7 years. You have given her and your daughter a BEAUTIFUL GIFT.
Now, you OWE YOURSELF the gift of wellness, peace, comfort, and FREEDOM.
You took on a very difficult responsibility, honored it, and have now come to realize that you are also an important responsibility, TO YOURSELF.
Enjoy EVERY SECOND in your new apartment. See new things, try some new adventures.
You are Blessed for having stepped up. Relish every moment of your future.
The person you were seven years ago when you took on this responsibility is not the person you are today. You need to recapture the good parts of the old you and let go of the bad parts of the new you. If one of your sisters can see how this has worn you down, surely the other sister is aware as well.
I hope the transition goes smoothly and that there is no family rift because of this. Perhaps this is the very thing your sister and bil need to get them to move forward with a placement for mom. Wishing you all the best.
Why would you destroy your own life for your sister's MiL?