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I don’t need the attacks on me for a comment that other people also made. I have had two major cardiac surgeries in the last six weeks. I am in the hospital now and having a third cardiac surgery in the morning, probably more complicated than the other two. This surgery will be a stop gap measure at best. I will be going on a heart transplant list. But since I’m not a good transplant candidate I probably won’t get a transplant.
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I want to say EVERYONE'S journey is different. I'm kinda in the same boat with my mil. Yes, I chose to bring her here but I felt as though I didn't have a choice. I knew that his siblings would do nothing for her and they haven't proven me wrong.

Every day is different, or in this case, every moment or second.

She still has her own home and her bills are paid because I set them up to be paid automatically. And the few that aren't auto I pay manually, out of her checking account. All of her bills are paid out of her checking account. I am assuming that your mil has a home. Or did she come from an apartment? I'm sorry if this information is buried somewhere in this thread.

I'm not going to tell you to leave. I myself have thought about doing that and the truth hurts, but I know deep down what needs to be done, again, in this case.

I think that your mil needs to be tested or assessed again. But I think, we may be just a bit jaded. I know I am!

I truly hope that this all works out for you and in your favor. I feel bad if anyone is going through a bad time and issues!

Best of luck!
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Becky, this was hardly an attack. And I'm truly sorry you're having Heath problems. But that hasn't stopped you from repeatedly posting your opinions. But when I respond, and you don't like it, your health becomes an issue?
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Guys, Mercy is long gone. She (and her husband if he did post) aren’t coming back, for whatever reason. She didn’t want our advice. Probably never did. She started a really upsetting to me bunch of posts. This thread is getting so accusatory I’m surprised it hasn’t been deleted. Let’s just please let it all go. Please.
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Last comment from me.
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Hi Everyone,
I have read through all the posts (I may not always post but am on here daily reading posts) and am really sad right now. Y'all are a wonderful bunch of people and helped me so much.... please no more fussing at each other. I can understand the situation that Mercy is in as I have seen it with two families that I knew. Life is no picnic in the situation that she is in any more than it is in a lot of our lives as caregivers.

I am not fussing at anyone, just saying lets get back to being a "team" to help and emotionally support each other. I came very close to splitting with my honey and am still having some bad days. But thanks to all the wonderful advice on here (and a month without him around) I was able to get my feet under me and boundaries set as to what I will tolerate. I am not saying that my situation is perfect as it isn't, but at least now I have a handle on it. Course I am not promising that I will not be back on here venting about my situation and asking for additional advice or a shoulder to cry on. (smile)

If not for all y'all, I probably would have run down the street screaming by now. The advice y'all gave I knew was mine to take or leave, but y'all also gave me an opportunity to vent; to get things out in the open which along with the advice helped more than anyone knew.

I hope Misery will return and let us know how she is doing. Y'all take care and have a great day!
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Thanks, Dusti. Some of these posts just hurt my heart. This group is my refuge, too. I’m not Little Susie Sunshine, but sniping at each other just makes me so sad. None of us needs MORE stress.
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Hi Becky...I am so sorry to hear of the cardiac issues you are going through. And so hope that you are on the mend soon. What you are going through is difficult to say the least but you sound like a strong woman and a fighter who won't give up.

I am going through the same thing with my honey. He has severe heart failure and right now is on an IV 24/7 here at home. He and the doctors are trying to determine if he will go for a heart pump or try to get on the transplant list though with his age and past medical history they are not sure he would be accepted as a candidate. I am so glad you have been accepted and can get on the list if it is needed.

I am not trying to be nosey but what type of cardiac surgeries have they/are they doing? Though I do not know you... I do care and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Please keep us posted and let us know how you are doing.
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Hi Ahmijoy...thanks..it hurts my heart too. I am not always Little Susie Sunshine either... but we all need to support and stand with each other. As I said.. the advice I was given by everyone was wonderful and I knew it my choice as to whether I took it or not, but knowing I was not alone and had people I could talk to meant and means so much to me. I hope we all get back to the easy relaxed "relationship" that I saw when I first joined this forum.. Everyone has an off day...
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I call it like I see it. Misery's boy's feelings were discussed (which was fine), so I really don't see the problem with pointing out the swimming without supervision issue. And, as people have stated, it wasn't just her son. It was his friends, also. Safety is very important.

Thread policing never works. If someone doesn't like the way a thread is going, then they can leave.

As far as Misery goes, I, too, wonder if she was real. I don't believe that there was nothing she could do to make her situation better. She chooses to believe there is nothing she can do. I'm not sure why she ever even posted, then. Did she want to win a Martyr for the Day award?
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I gave her plenty of advice on the assumption there was nothing she could do and planning for the long haul with her MIL. She needs to spend some of the MIL's $3K per month on a helper and also a better bed and lift to save her back.
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I bet it feels good to just get this off your chest with people who will listen.
I like the idea of you leaving when your husband comes home because you need a break!! For heavens sake, don’t separate or get a divorce! That will certainly add to your problems, and with your mother-in-laws health she may not be alive for long. Please sit down with your husband and come up with a plan that’s workable for both of you and your family. Who helped her before she moved in with you?
My Mom’s Dr. ordered therapists to come in and do an evaluation and insurance covered it. Then they came in a couple times a week to help her become more moble. If your mother-in-law has a couple good friends, ask them to come visit her while you have lunch with a good friend. And, Pray!!
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Maybe I got this wrong, but I understood that MIL when in her own home was "getting help" by inviting in grifters. When mental illness is involved, and I suspect it is here, then you have a problem for sure. You could send her back to her home, as a competent adult, but she isn't really. So what does someone who wants to protect an elder do in this situation? Wait for the bricks to fall and then take over? Probably only thing you can do but it sure is a rock and a hard place.
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Please insist to your husband on moving your mother in law into a care home. The pressure and stress on you is unacceptable. No one should have to endure such a strain when professional care services are available. Please contact social services and get a social worker involved to do an assessment of your mother in laws needs. My father died two weeks ago after caring full time for my mother for several years (she has dementia). No one fully saw the extent of the pressure my father was under as a full time carer with no outside support. It killed him in the end, please do not allow your mother in law to take your life. You have the right to make choices here to protect your own wellbeing. Please act now.
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Please insist to your husband on moving your mother in law into a care home. The pressure and stress on you is unacceptable. No one should have to endure such a strain when professional care services are available. Please contact social services and get a social worker involved to do an assessment of your mother in laws needs. My father died two weeks ago after caring full time for my mother for several years (she has dementia). No one fully saw the extent of the pressure my father was under as a full time carer with no outside support. It killed him in the end, please do not allow your mother in law to take your life. You have the right to make choices here to protect your own wellbeing. Please act now.
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You must get physician to order home health and make sure to ask for PT AND OT AND AIDE and find out about a HOYER lift and whether she would qualify, you are going to injure yourself with these transfers. And tell the professionals to train your husband in how to use it!! You should not be shouldering all this burden, period.
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She’s gone, guys.
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Susanneedshelp

If you get a chance watch My 600 lb life. Miserys story sounds similar to some of their episodes.
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This has been one enjoyable thread. For those who think Misery was blowing smoke, if you get a chance watch a show called My 600 lb life. Her story is similar to one James K. He was/is an obese bed bound man who depended on his girlfriend and daughter to do everything for him. He is in his 40s his daughter teens. He would get very verbal and angry easily. Enjoyable episode with some laughs as well.
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Love that show, it made me feel skinny! Twisted, I know.
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I had the surgery. Lost 100 pounds in a year.
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Good for you Ahmijoy!! I had it in 1990 or 91when it was grueling and left a huge scar. Betcha feel so much better!
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I did back then when I lost the weight. I cried in the women’s clothing section of Kohl’s when I realized I didn’t need to go into the plus-sized section. But, like my surgeon said, it’s a tool and not a cure, and it’s certainly not the “easy way out” people think it is. To this day, I’ll make myself a plate of food and take one bite and put it back. Thankfully, my husband no longer interrogates me about why. I’m a bust at buffets and I tell servers at restaurants to bring me a to-go box as soon as they bring my food. I can say I no longer have paralyzing back spasms that I had when I was carrying all that extra weight, but it didn’t help much with the arthritis or fibromyalgia. All in all, I’d say it was worth it. I’ve gained some back, but I’ll never be over 300# again!
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I know that cry!!
I was 300+ twice in my life. When I was in my teens, then after my second son was born. (1989)

Back in the early 80s diet pills had enphedra and caffeine in them. I took handfuls everyday and lost 140lbs in 4 months. Brilliant, I know. 

The next time I got that big, I had the surgery. Gone up and down, here and there, but pretty much maintain 162ish. At 5'7 that's good. Huh, I used to be 5'8. Lol, If I hit 172, it's salads and intermittent fasting. Boom! Weight comes right off. Thank God, cause I can not maintain a diet for any real period of time. I'm truly a food addict. Thanks for sharing that Lil' Joy! 😉
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Yes, this was a 'enjoyable' thread, and I learned a lot of useful information from the wonderful people giving great, helpful information. We certainly all came to the aid, of someone who was asking for help, didn't we? I guess this thread is done, now..so..until the next thread..adios!
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No sense thinking about what you should have done or could have done, but she will have to be lifted again....either out of bed or into bathroom...& you cannot do this without lift machine...so this is your opportunity to call 911 & say you cannot transfer her...she’s no lightweight....& you must get her to hospital & then the Social Worker there will help you place her into SNF even for rehab & then you can decide what to do. ...leave her there or have insurance send hoyer lift to your house w home health aides to operate it & they will transfer her w that. She needs 24 hr care w professionals . Don’t kill your self over this. She’s not even your own mother . Nobody can force you to do anything unless they are holding a gun to your head 😡🔫
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I also thought of this: get a dr note & show EMS when they come to house so they know you are on disability & can’t take care of her.
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My take on this site is get different options, then choose the one that fits your situation best!
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So sad you and your husband are going through this. Please don’t let your MIL pull the two of you apart. Most likely she doesn’t want to go into a home because you are doing everything for her, and it’s FREE! It sounds like you have a compassionate heart and you’re doing your very best, but she will suck the life out of you and your marriage as long as she has the opportunity. Tough love would mean you Do Not take care of her every need. Allow her to be the one in misery, if it means putting her back in her own home and giving her the number of an aide that can come once or twice a day and if you choose, tell her you’ll stop in once a day to check on her. She has to reach a point where she Knows she needs to be in a home. That will be the Very best thing for her and for you. May God give you the guidance and help to do it.
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I thought of you so much today & I believe you have another potential problem to be aware of: if she has debts, & she’s now your responsibility....well then so will her debts be yours too! Just don’t say I didn’t warn you....govt can put a lien on your home & you will have yourself a major nightmare in addition to the one you already have!
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