I'm having trouble turning my brain off and sleeping. Any advice?

Like “my2cents,” I found audiobooks to be extremely helpful, and also sleep stores on “Calm” app. Audiobooks need to be something you have already listened to so that they are not stimulating, and it’s important to set timer to turn off in 20-30 minutes). “Calm” app is expensive unless they offer a substantial discount, but my sister says you can find many free stories online. I find the train stories great! Also, Mary Berry does one about the details of preparing an English tea, which I have listened to countless times (but only the first part because I fall asleep).

Over the years I have practiced all the sleep hygiene advice, and came to know it doesn’t all fit everyone. For example, if watching a little tv in bed is what relaxes you for sleep, you break that rule.

I also found it helpful to stop eating early evening.

I do hope you can consider whether other arrangements are now warranted, as others have suggested. I know it’s really, really difficult and you are trying to do the right thing.

Well said, texagirl.

Precisely what I've been dealing with for 2.5 years, and it's taking its toll. Chronic interrupted sleep and the stress of listening to someone lie in the bed and yell and talk crazy for hours has aged me 10 years.

In addition to the dementia rages, I have to have a bed alarm that goes off when my mother rises out of the bed so I can get up and get to her before she has the chance to fall.

I too, struggle with getting back to sleep and it can take up to two hours, depending on what's going on, and then within 30 minutes my mother will be awake and at it again.

The adrenaline rushes that all of this brings on will harden the arteries and cause other health issues, and I try so hard not to be disturbed by this disturbing nighttime dynamic, but there again, it's taking its toll.

I try to keep my mother up most of the afternoon and in the kitchen until around 6 pm every day. She usually spends the day yelling and fussing and if I keep her mouth busy - with chewing gum, food, water, candy, it's quieter. But she's the loudest person I've ever known - always has been.

Every night I give my mother melatonin, a CBD gummy and magnesium glycinate to help her to calm down and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I never know when I go to bed what the night is going to be like.

Some people have had success with pharmaceuticals, but they have the opposite effect on my mother.

I'm terrified that I'll be unable to break the pattern when the time comes that I can sleep again.

Hi Texas Girl
I am just starting my 6th year of caring for my wife Vascular +Lewy body
You have described far better than i could have done the relentlessness of disturbed nights and the effect it has on the carer.
Well done let's hope it prompts some positive advice to replace -
a glass of whiskey or a sleeping tablet !!!
Terry C

Hi, am reading this and thinking I could have written it myself. I don’t have any answers but you’re definitely not alone!!

I have trouble sleeping too after a long day of taking care of my wife I have trouble sleeping. I found some strenuous work during the day helps. Also after 2 or 3 days of not sleeping I may get a good nights sleep. Also regular sleep times help. It is usually after the nightly care that I am just too wound up.

Talk to her doctor about medication that can lessen the anxiety and maybe allow her to sleep better.
I have to tell you though if you are getting up at night to change her you will still be getting up at night long after your role as caregiver ends.
It was probably a full year before I was able to sleep through the night fully not waking to listen if my Husband was restless. (although I never had him screaming or beating on the walls)
Hiring an overnight caregiver is an option as well (grandma pays for caregivers)
If this can not be managed and it effects you mentally and physically it might be that you have to look into Memory Care for her.

I listen to audio book or have the TV on a movie. I focus on those until I fall asleep. If I wake up and refocus and let sleep take over again. Otherwise, my brain can go from 0 to 60 faster than a race car!

Your description of waking with your heart pounding reminds me of my former sleep issues. I got tested for, and diagnosed with, sleep apnea, and now have a CPAP machine which enables me to sleep through the night.

I agree with others who encourage you to find a way to get your grandmother into care. As the sole caregiver for my mom who lives with me, I am pursuing care for her because it’s getting to be much for me to manage.

I put a couch in my mother's room and slept there most nights. It made my mom more secure as well as myself. She was starting to try and get up by herself. This worked very well for us. Her neurologist wrote a script for Ativan on a when-needed basis. It helped her get to sleep quickly and I slept as well. I only gave it to her when she could not sleep and was agitated. We turned and changed her every 3-4 hours during the night. I took melatonin 5mg when I could not sleep and was effective. Hope everything gets better for both you and your grandma.

Like others I'd say maybe it's time Granny move to assisted living or nursing home. I commend you for all you have done for your beloved granny thus far and continue to do. But honestly, you have been doing this for what, 5 years straight now? And like others have said, it will only get worse.

I totally can empathize. I too have older brothers - 3 in fact, and am the only girl. I was left to care for my father with Dementia and had done it alone, over the last 6 years. Unlike you I wasn't LIVING with my father which would have been impossible. But I still was driving 5-6 hours to NJ every other month, then every month, then every 2 weeks to care for him - staying weekends, extended weekends, all while working a full-time job.

Eventually I said enough - I can't take it anymore, he needs assisted living and literally moved myself and him down to Florida in order to afford it all.

But guess what? I developed a heart problem and now need beta blockers maybe for life - and I'm pretty sure it's from all the stress and anxiety this entire ordeal caused me over the years.

Don't let it get that far. Lack of sleep is serious and I totally know what it's like to wake up, heart pounding, panicked and waiting for the next shoe to drop.

Your granny I'm SURE, would NOT want you suffering like this. You ARE still a great granddaughter if you have to place her in a home. And she will still get great help - maybe even better than what you can provide...

So think about it. At least consider it. There will come a point when you likely won't be able to give her all she needs - the dementia just gets worse and worse. My Dad can't even open his eyes, hold a conversation, feed himself - I'd never be able to handle him on my own. He gets violent at times - moves furniture around. You don't know what granny might need so just at the very least look into it.

In the meantime - yeah the sleep apps and drugs/supplements might help. Good luck!!!

Try 3 mg of melatonin at bedtime. I find that if I wake up it allows me to go back to sleep, and it doesn't make me groggy in the morning.

It's a natural chemical your brain makes to sleep, so it'll help train your brain to turn off again.

I had a similar situation with my husband. He has mild dementia and prostrate problems which cause him to get up at least 4 times a night to urinate. Once he turned the light on to get up I was fully awake and unable to go back to sleep for hours (he fell asleep as soon as he returned to bed).  After about 6 months of limited sleep, I decided I needed to move into another bedroom. I put a baby monitor in his room and moved upstairs to the spare bedroom. I found that as long as I didn’t have to be subjected to the “light” I could eventually get back to sleep although it took some time (hours some nights). Speed forward a few months and I was once again awake half the night because he would call me to come help him (even when he really didn’t require assistance - I think he just needs to know someone is there if he needs them). I spoke with my PCP and he suggested I try taking 5-HTP to sleep at night and use an app called Headspace (meditation app) to fall asleep again.  I scoffed at first but when it became unbearable, I took his advice and bought the 5-HTP supplement (Walgreens) and downloaded the Headspace app (I’m sure there are many other apps out there less expensive than Headspace). It took about 2 weeks for me to acclimate to the 5-HTP (I take 150 mg but I suggest you start at 50mg and go from there); however, I can still get up if I’m needed without feeling “drugged”. As soon as I get back in bed I activate the Headspace app for sleep (my favorite is under “falling back to sleep” – Racing Mind. It’s a 10 minute meditation that has me back asleep before it finishes…… It has literally saved my sanity

When are you going to say enough is enough and walk away from this? And why do you feel that you are the one responsible for your grandmother's care when you aren't?
Until you relinquish her care to either a facility or other family member(s), things will never change, except to only get worse.
Lack of sleep at any age is very dangerous, and can lead to many health issues, so until you make yourself a priority things will continue as they are.
I was initially going to recommend melatonin to help you sleep, but in all reality you need to remove yourself from this "only going to get worse" situation, sooner than later. It will be then and only then that you will be able to once and for all get a good night's sleep.

I think your body is telling you it is time for a different living arrangement. When you get woken up in the middle of the night like that it turns on the brain and it can be hard to get back to drowsy sleepy feel. I have had insomnia for ten years and I wake up a few times a night. I have learned that the best way to get back to sleep is not let your brain start spinning with thoughts. That will be tough to do being woken up with screaming and banging. Also don’t look at the clock when you wake up. I have a really boring fantasy that I use to shut down my mind when I wake up. If your really tossing and turning get up for awhile. I will make sleepy time tea and sit outside.

Texasgirl, I am concerned that according your profile you have been at this since 2017, when you graduated from high school.

Sleep deprivation is bad. This situation could go on for years. . . What are your plans and why is a facility out of the question?

I’m wondering if your beloved grandma would truly want you to sacrifice your current health and future wellbeing like this.

Might be PTSD. You really need to get out of this. She can’t get better and you could get a lot worse.

Can you possibly get someone to stay with her a few nights a week while you go elsewhere (a friend’s/hotel) to sleep? La k of sleep and anxiety will make you sicke!

Reading this post plus your profile makes it real that you’re doing a job far beyond what any one person should be, or is really even capable of sustaining. Your family is hugely taking advantage of your kindness. It’s not your fault that you can’t adequately sleep, no wonder, there’s far too much responsibility resting all on you. Please let your family know you cannot keep this up and a new plan must be found for grandma’s ongoing care, in both of your best interests. I wish you peace and rest

I started doing things like when I had a baby, sleep when my mom sleeps. I also get woken up a few times a night, the worst is when she calls and has the lights on! Grrrr. Can't go back to sleep once my eyes hit the lights! I watch 30 mins of a show in the dark and try again to sleep. Naps are the only thing that saves me!