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Morning all! Blessings to you who are also trying to cope with all this!


I am getting to a point with my DH that I am beginning to think he will resist almost anything I ask or encourage him to do. I am worrying about his dental hygiene, which at this point is almost non-existent. I asked the dentist to clean only, he went ahead, did X-rays, scheduled two more appts for a cavity and the cleaning. I know in my heart this is not going to work. I watched Teepa Snow (thanks again to you for that tip!) show how to help with brushing, but the resistance is still in my way.


Any of you already been thru this, is it time for me to get someone else to come clean him up every couple of days? What do you all think? Thanks, as always, I read and learn.


I'll add a funny side issue: I had a thought this morning earlier about the resistance. I am, as I age, growing to look more and more like my own mom who was, to say the least, not a favorite of my DH. Maybe I need to have plastic surgery on myself so I don't look like the evil one! Every now and then I see the same look he used to shoot at her! That scares me more than anything else so far! :)

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I think I would not worry about it too much. It's probably a lower priority at this point in his life and not something for you to stress about. It's pretty typical for LO to cooperate much better with anyone but their primary caregiver.
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Good Evening,

How about an "electric toothbrush". I read an article by a dentist and he said if everyone used an electric toothbrush, he would lose 60% of his patients.

My mother has one, I help her and it seems to be doing the trick.

Hope this helps...
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I took the road of least resistance with mom when her dementia progressed where the dentist was concerned; I'd have the mobile dentist come into the Memory Care ALF only when totally necessary. The dentist would come into her room and extract a tooth in mom's recliner, after giving her a relaxant and Novocaine. She was very anxiety-ridden when it came to the dentist to BEGIN with, so I didn't want to increase that anxiety any further. The mobile dentist charged a $250 trip fee, which is ridiculous, but hey, so was the MC bill every month and I figured, in for a penny, in for a pound. I also figured mom's teeth were the least of her problems so I didn't dwell on the hygiene issue in general.

Here is an Aging Care article on the subject:

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/oral-health-tips-for-dementia-caregivers-203144.htm

You mention Teepa Snow videos being helpful: I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with a loved one who's been diagnosed with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

She also has published a workbook entitled, “It Isn’t Common Sense: Interacting with People Who Have Memory Loss Due to Dementia.”

Here is a list of useful tips from her e-book I found to be excellent:

The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience
The Do's
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment
Language Needs
· Use short words
· Use clear and simple sentences
· Speak slowly and calmly
· Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer
· Talk about one thing at a time
· Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas
· Use common phrases
· Always say what you are doing
· If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information
· Wait patiently for a response
· Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words
· Speak softly, soothingly and gently

Care Needs
· Recognize that receiving personal care feels intrusive
· Reassure with your tone and manner
· Do one thing at a time
· Talk through the care “play-by- play”
· Be aware of your body language and use it to communicate relaxation and reassurance
· Be sincere
· Use a soft, soothing touch
· Be aware of the individual’s unique triggers
· Be aware that a person with dementia may not accurately judge whether a situation is threatening to them
· They may respond to fear, pain or anxiety by defending themselves with what we call “aggression”
· If they become distressed, stop immediately and allow them time to calm down – don’t try to restart the activity right away
You need to change your behaviour to adapt to the dementia because the person with the disease cannot.

Another good book is Living in the Labyrinth: A Personal Journey Through the Maze of Alzheimer's, by Diana Friel McGowin. Learn all you can about AD/dementia b/c knowledge is power!

Wishing you the best of luck!
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HisBestFriend Feb 2022
Thanks so much! I doubt if we have a "traveling' dentist anywhere with 100's of miles! It's a great idea though!

Thanks too for the other info. I have read quite a bit and am putting it to use, always something new though, appreciate your kindness, take care.
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