I have been taking care of my grandmother for the better half of 20 years. I was tricked into taking care of her and my pawpaw with the promise of then giving me the house after they are gone, and being single and not getting help from my kids father I didn't have much of a choice at the time. It has since been said that she thinks I couldn't afford to keep up the house but she just wants the control and something to hold over my head. The years here have not been without tears, but up until recently I had no idea how much of a bad person she really was. She has numerous health problems but because of the way her property is set up in a living trust she refuses to go to the NH and has been on hospice for 2 years w CHF as her dx before her pacemaker was installed. She can get around but constantly spends (outrageous amounts) on things she thinks she needs, while her vehicle has needed work, it runs but check engine light is on. No one else comes around because of her behavior (2 sisters, 1 uncle my dad passed two years ago) I have literally seen her make waitresses cry in restaurants because she is horrible and absolutely nothing you can do will make her happy. I have a-fib as well as almost crippling anxiety because of how she treats me. Now I see just how this affecting my kids. I feel absolutely trapped in this situation no one in our really small town wants to come work for her, and she has spent nearly all of her retirement money. There are no other jobs here and I don't know how much more I can take before I wind up in the hospital with my heart. I have to get out of this situation/hell before it kills me.
Please do check into low income housing (and expand your search to places not in your town!) Plan for YOUR future, and hand gma over to the state if relatives won't help you.
Your kids need you. Grandma is toxic and that is not a good environment for kids, or obviously for you. My MIL was so horrible to ME that my kids have little to nothing to do with her. They do not respect her at all.
The 'promise' of a house 'when' a relative dies has been the carrot on the stick for a LOT of people, who wind up inheriting nothing, or a beat up house they cannot afford to pay upkeep on. Your situation is not unusual.
But--for you & your kids--get out and stay out. Gma sounds just mean enough that she'll survive on her own.
Midkid, this was Moms neighbor. From the time she moved in, 57 yrs ago, there was something mental going on. My Mom went over and introduced herself and then the woman stood out on her front step and hollered across street Mom was a bitch and other bad things. Mom never talked to her again. He husband was the nicest man but he passed a few years ago at the age of 93. Her estranged daughter not long after. So then a niece took over her care, hiring people when it got too much for her. Then she walked away. A live in aide, that didn't work. Aide after aide. The last one wasn't being paid. She called APS and told them she was leaving. They removed the lady from her home. As far as I know, she is still living and bedridden in some NH. She had been bedridden for ages. So yes, sometimes meanness keeps them alive.