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My mom is 88 and has had incontinence for a while…she lives with me in my walk out basement level. It smells often and it smells BAD. She often has UTIs and she can’t smell anything. I am finding that she’s now losing a lot of urine all over floor despite wearing a pad. I’m guessing it is shifting or maybe bunching up? She’s heavy of that makes a difference - about 60 inch waist, 245 pounds. Help! She doesn’t admit to any of this (in denial or embarrassed?) - it’s tough to live in these conditions and I don’t want to place her in AL.


ideas for tight fitting undies maybe? I wanna cry. I’ve washed so many waterproof pads, sheets, blankets

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Does she currently wear depends or adult diapers? If not, it is time!
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I recently heard about leakproof period underwear for teens. The company seems to have had enough inquiries about incontinence that they expanded their product line to solve the problem with style.
https://www.shethinx.com/pages/speax
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Have you tried using a Pure Wick? It is a little expensive but they help a lot. The machine runs about $500 and a supply of Pure Wicks run about $200 per month. You will still have some wet bed issues but it will definitely be less and will eliminate most of the smell. When I first purchased the machine I didn't use it much. However now that my love one is not walking much and in a hospital bed it has been a huge benefit. They are widely used in hospitals for female patients but not in nursing facilities.
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I had an incontinent client some time back who was very comfortable wearing a Depends-brand diaper but could not tolerate the bulkiness of a Poise pad lining it. Most people can, she couldn't. Yet the diaper itself wasn't enough.
If you want absolutely no leakage at all, line that diaper with a trimmed down baby-diaper. This is what I used to do.
Get a pack of baby diapers. Trim the tabs and leg elastic off. Then line the Depend diaper with them. Infant diapers are made from different material than adult ones. You could pour a glass of water on one and that thing will not leak. Also the surface of it stays dry. They're also thin. Perfect for use as an adult diaper liner.
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Depends! My experience with this subject was a little different but the answer was the same. I did not have the leaking problem with my Mom. She had however, refused to even consider or try depends. She was happy with her pads, that was the problem. We were planning a 6 week road trip for Mom to visit family and friends. Rest areas are rarely where you need them and as all of us age urgency becomes a very real issue. So, knowing there may be a argument I prepared to illustrate that depends would not leak and would be the answer between rest areas or restaurants. Mom did not trust they would work any better than pads. I took one of her pads and, over the sink, poured a cup of water into it, nothing leaked so I began pouring the 2nd cup of water into the pad. It only held a little more than the one cup before it leaked. I then did the same with depends and it held 3 cups of water. We were both surprised! Satisfied they wouldn’t leak Mom was willing to give them a try. Once she realized how comfortable they were she never went back to pads. I realize it may seem like a weird demonstration but it was what my Mother needed to see to alleviate her fears. What do you think you Mothers fears are? Bless You for having your Mother live with you. It means more to them than they are able to express.
Good Luck!
Dianne

After posting this I read all the posts. Rather than referencing the brand depends I should have remembered all the other available brands of adult briefs.
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BurntCaregiver Jul 2021
Lovejoy01,

Your demonstration for mom is not weird at all. It's brilliant.
Sometimes a person has to see for themselves why something doesn't work like they think it will.
I always suggested name-brand Depends, with a name-brand Poise pad lining it to all my clients who were incontinent or to their families. They cost a little bit more than an off brand does, but worth the extra money.
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If proper garments can't be found or don't help, and the home is filthy because of her behaviors and accidents, why are you allowing her to remain - I sure would not put up with it if I tried everything. You need to put her somewhere to be cared for.
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disgustedtoo Jul 2021
People are not "things" that can just be "put" somewhere or disposed of if they have issues. There's no mention of dementia, and even if there was, legally you can't just "put" a person somewhere else unless they want to go there. Even those with dementia have rights and can't be forced, so stop with your nonsense about dumping people just because YOU wouldn't tolerate it.

Additionally, not every one has the funds to pay for a facility like AL or MC. NHs are even more expensive, and generally you have to NEED NH care, specialized nursing care. Dementia or incontinence are qualifiers. As for paying the high costs, Medicaid generally only covers NH AND has ridiculously low income limits.

You make everything sound so simple, but it isn't.
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Hey EV
1. We use Depends daily around the house and Tena when we have to go to any appointments. The Tena have better fitting leg openings for our purposes.
However,
2. I agree with the advice about AL or at least in-home care. And, to help you make that decision, you should check the Social Security Life Expectancy Calculator. You can get a generalized idea of how many more years that you may be dealing with your mom's declining health and increasing needs.
3. I'm not sure if this is true in every state, but you may be able to call in Hospice for some respite services. Your loved one doesn't have to be terminal. In my state, as long as they are not expected to improve, they qualify for assistance.
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disgustedtoo Jul 2021
Anyone care hire hospice and pay for it, but in order to have Medicare pay for it, the doctor has to approve it AND there does need to be a "terminal" condition. Medicare rules do say 6mo. Many survive beyond that, requiring recertification on a regular basis. While Medicare does offer "respite care" for someone who is on Medicare hospice, it's limited to 5 days and may incur up to 5% of the cost.

My mother was 97, already in a wheelchair, with dementia, limited hearing, Mac Deg and when she had a stroke that disabled her dominant side, the MC nurse called in hospice. We actually had to fight them, make them come back several times. They rejected her for hospice not once, but TWICE.

Beware telling others that hospice is easy and the condition doesn't have to be terminal. Medicare has specific criteria and any hospice working under Medicare has to abide by those rules.
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My mom had UTI's all the time and she was taken to the hospital at least half the time. It was a waste of time. Her Urologist finally told me to order D-Mannose from Walmart.com and give her three a day. It was magic. She hasn't had anymore UTI's at all. It's been so wonderful. D-Mannose is a supplement. Very safe. Another thing he told both me and my mom is the minute you feel the urge to urinate to go right to the bathroom. He said holding in your urine will bring on UTI's when you are older. I don't hold it any longer.
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SatchimosMom Jul 2021
D Mannose is like a miracle! I personally had dealt with repeated UTIs for years. D Mannose twice daily stopped them. (Turned out to be a tiny fistula had developed between my bowel and bladder. It was repaired during surgery for something else.).
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We use an adult diaper with a pad inside for 91 year old Mom. Both the most absorbent available.
Then a protective pad under her where she sits or sleeps. We try to take her to the potty every few hours to hope she does something in there. She has no sensation when she has to go. She has a problem wiping well, so we try to do that for her.
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Is your mom taking prescribed medication that is causing all the urine? Maybe it can be adjusted?
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I think you can get a prescription from her doctor for cream pads pull ups and pads because she is incontinent the Medicare may help with the cost.
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So sorry correction it is Uquora from Target
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I saw a commercial about this product you mix in water from Target Quora .com....it's for frequent UTI. Depends pull ups and Tena overnight pad inside.Good diaper ointment on her to decrease skin breakdown. For floors Resolve Urine Destroyer
works pretty well. Please be careful with your back....this can be really hard for one person.
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Try feminine catheters
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I use adult diapers because my mother spends most of her time in bed. I find that the large/extra large STRETCH briefs work best. When I remove a soiled one, I place it in a plastic grocery bag, tie it, and then put it in her lined garbage can that has a lid. Home Depot sells an aerosol lemon citrus scented air freshener that cuts odor down. I spray it in the can until I empty her garbage and I spay a little in her room (away from her). I take the trash out frequently and anytime it has a strong odor. I also give her a quick mini-bath with non-irritating baby soap or Vagisil to keep her skin clean and control odor. When I can, I open windows. I always use a large pad under her in case of leaks so I am not dealing with soiled sheets. I do the same if she is up in a chair. Hope this helps.
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Imho, she may require a thicker feminine pad or an adult diaper. She may have lost her olfactory sense. Many elders have a diminished sense of smell. My late mother did not realize that she was leaking all over the commode (not into) as she could not smell it (or see it since she was legally blind).
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Plenty of suggestions for briefs - the one from PeeWee57 might work best, since her sister is about the same size (weight at least.) You can try some of the less expensive briefs first - pick up a few from WM to try them (you can check the various offerings online too - Depends shows XL might work for her size - XL: 45-64" waist.)

It doesn't sound like those pads are doing much for her. I would think they are likely going to bunch up, esp given her weight. When I tried using them for monthly needs, mine would tend to get "pinched" in the middle, potentially leading to leakage with that too, and I wasn't even half your mother's weight! If they are for monthly cycles, they probably have a different absorbency criteria. If they are for incontinence, they are probably designed more for a little leakage, not full on flow. The pads and briefs also vary in absorbency like Max, Ultra, Overnight, etc. You might want to try various ones, brand and absorbency, to see which works best.

A toileting schedule might help as well. Going on a regular cycle will reduce how much she would have if she has an "accident."

When we switched mom to adult briefs, the aide and I just removed all her undies and replaced them with the briefs. We did use incontinence pads inserted into the briefs at night before bed.

Definitely give the briefs (try various ones, to see which work best) a try, and work on getting a toilet schedule going.

As for the strong odor, perhaps it's just part of aging, but I do find that urine tends to smell MUCH stronger when fluid intake is reduced. Encouraging sufficient fluid intake might help with the odor - beware not to go overboard as too much fluid can cause problems! The down side of drinking more is more urine, but with a schedule and briefs, it might work!

As others have noted, hopefully you have legal documents in place, so that you have them when you need them and are making plans for future care. As much as many, like you, don't want to put a LO into AL or MC, the downward spiral can become overwhelming, much more so than it is now. Her weight alone is concerning, as you could get seriously hurt yourself when trying to assist her. Even people trained to do it "right" can end up injured, At the least, you will want to hire help, to physically assist, but also give you time to attend to chores, shopping, cleaning, etc., AND time for yourself. You WILL need it. Meanwhile, even if now you don't plan on using a facility, at least check out those in your area, so that if the time ever comes that there is no other option, you won't be scrambling to figure it all out!

(HDIS was mentioned, but not explained what it is. Apparently they are distributors of various types/brands - if they are more expensive, why buy from them? I was able to order from WM and have them delivered for a reasonable price (meet minimum order cost and shipping is free.)
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Forget about pads, you need adult diapers. My mom is under HMO Medicare plan which has a quarterly CVS OTC (over the counter) benefit; I get my mom's diapers, wipes and disposable Underpads this way. They have them up to XL, not sure of the waist measurement but the Unisex large fits 44-58" so the XL would work. Also, I find that the fitted diapers are a wider than the pull ups (comfortable with elasticized top, but not very wide. Check and see if you mom has this benefit. My mother suffered a massive stroke late last year. After discharge from rehab, she came to live with me. Initially she was not able to control her bladder but the diapers were helpful, I just checked often especially after she drank something; 7 months later, she is now using less diapers due to better bladder control. Good luck.
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If she is incontinent she may not be accepted into Assisted Living.
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the nursing home that my mother is in uses "Prevail" briefs, they come in different sizes and can be pulled on or has a release tab on the side. no problem with them. if she is just using a "pad" like women do for their monthly cycle, that is not enough. does she know when she goes? if so maybe after the 2nd time, she should change, if she doesn't know then maybe check her like you would an infant at different times. wishing you luck.
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Depend Fit-Flex Women's Maximum Incontinence Underwear, XXL, Light Pink, 22 Count - Walmart.com - Walmart.com
And you can put a pad inside of these, too.
My FIL wears the depends during the day and then at night we add a pad to it.
Just make sure you get the size right and that they are pulled all the way up.
Good luck.
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If she is walking, adult pull ups are better than pads. If she’s bedridden, the tab briefs (diapers) are the way to go. Everything leaks I've noticed unless I just haven’t found the right brief. The only way to have less urine everywhere is to change them more frequently. If you enlist hospice for her chronic, permanent condition then all the briefs & pads are free. Hang in there, there are ideas here & solutions to try.
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She might do better with "pull-up" style incontinence underwear. Several companies (I know Depends does) have ones that look a lot like regular underwear. Since she has frequent UTIs it would be worth investing in a bidet attachment to the toilet. Get one that "cleans" as well as rinses. She will hopefully be cleaner and have less UTIs. Please also have her checked by a urologist to evaluate and treat her incontinence. There are medications that can help if her bladder is "weak."
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Tight fitting? My mom can pee through ANYTHING. And she is fairly small. Liquid just does what it does, and that's follow the path of least resistance.

Mom wears an internal cath with outside collector bag. A pair of the heaviest depends and 2 thick Poise pads---yet she can pee through them all. Her floors are all ruined and her apt. stinks to high heaven. At some point, we simply couldn't keep up with the urine flow. It smells extremely strong as she is on many meds and also is always very dehydrated. NOTHING has helped with the smell. And trust me, we've tried. It's in everything.

When mother has worn briefs that are too tight, she gets rashes and then there's one more thing to deal with.

I wish I had answers for this--it's so bad people won't go visit her. I get a migraine from the smell of the old urine mixed with 6 air fresheners 'spritzing' every 15 minutes.
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Kelkel Jul 2021
Shampoo carpet with a pet urine cleaner (Target has a great smelling one. It’s so fresh!) or if she has hardwood or vinyl floors then mopping with either vinegar/water or a pet urine spray will get rid of that smell. Opening windows & putting on fans while it dries will help air it out. I would use a Lysol type pet urine spray for the odor in the air, too. You may have to do it weekly. Whatever you do, don’t use bleach. The mixture of urine & bleach fumes is deadly. You might have to do this weekly but there will be a lot less ammonia to breath from the urine in the air & maybe she’ll get visitors again.
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For UTI's, my mom was getting them frequently last year. Doctor, antibiotics, 4 x last year. The last time, she was kept on antibiotics longer, maybe a different or stronger one, I think 3 or 4 weeks. And knock on wood, since December last year, she hasn't had another.

Then I bought the urine dipstick to check her urine now and then to see whether a new one was starting. And if so, get the dr. to write a script to have it checked ASAP. I also have Mom's nails kept cut short ( as e.coli from stools is the most common cause ) so wiping after a bm has less chance of contamination.

The most common symptom in older folks is increased confusion and increased urination.

As far as products, I'm reading others' responses, as so far, just thick Poise pads are working for my mom.
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Thank you all SO much for all the GREAT info!! So much feedback, bless you all!!
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GAinPA Jul 2021
If you decide to use pull ups and a pad, be sure to get the correct pad that does not have a plastic bottom liner. The incorrect type of pad will cause the urine to flow OUT the sides instead of downward into the pull up. If you have the pad with the plastic lining, slit the plastic to allow the pull up to absorb the flow.
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Maybe not helpful but food for thought. My Mom won't wear underwear any more. As their skin gets thinned, nerve endings are closer to the surface and they find many things very uncomfortable. She wears her clothes inside out on purpose - even with dementia - as she is aware of this fact. But she just can't do anything tight fitting any more. Soft, soft and more soft.
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Wellness Briefs! Designed and worn by astronauts! Never had a problem with my mom or dad
https://wellnessbriefs.com/
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energyvampire Jul 2021
Ohhhh, interesting! Thank you!!
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Call HDIS, Explain your problems with them and they will help you come up with a solution. They are not inexpensive. My mother is now wearing assure overnight pants all day as well as changing out pads every few hours. Which she needs to be reminded to do.
They will send samples
good luck
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energyvampire Jul 2021
Thank you I will try this :)
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Tight fitting underwear isn't going to help her is she has serious incontinence.
I call it serious incontinence when the house stinks all the time.
She needs to be in diapers now. Not 'Pull-ups' which are for mild incontinence. Diapers. Then line the diaper with an incontinence pad. This will take care of you problem of there being urine on the floor or furniture.
Keep a garbage can with a lid in the bathroom too. That will help with the smell.
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energyvampire Jul 2021
I feel like it's more of a fit issue because I've seen her pad after hours of use and it's pretty dry! It seems to be when she pushes herself to get up (with arms), she is losing control. :(
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