golden23 Asked May 2020
Is anyone revising their plans for their own future care seeing the spread of covid-19 in facilities? I know I am!!!
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I am 82 and in pretty good health, still living in my home and independent other than hiring people to do my lawns and garden beds, and these days doing online grocery shopping with delivery. I had planned at some time in the future to go into a facility, but, when I see how this virus has spread among residents and of care facilities, who are the most vulnerable segment of the population, I am having second thoughts about my plan. Anyone else? I put this under assisted living but it applies to all institutional care.
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Another story about another aunt - my father's other sister. She (E) and her hub (B) lived in their home of many, many years up into their 80s. Both were pretty healthy. She had had a small heart attack but recovered well. B, her hub, used to cycle a lot, even at that age. One day out for a ride he fell off his bicycle. I never heard if he had an episode of any kind that caused the fall. He was sent to a facility of some kind after hospital. They were a couple who were still very much and obviously in love after 60+ year of marriage. E did not do well without her hub and she was placed in a different facility. Sadly they both died within 3 months of B's accident, but apart. On the other hand they had had a good life together all those years. They had a daughter who helped them with some things, but I think they were essentially independent until B's fall.
I talk regularly by phone/messenger to a friend in NY and another 350 miles away.
I've been totally home bound since 12th March thanks to Covid 19 and it's given me time to reflect on my plans for the future. I have a will in place (though little to leave), an Advanced Directive (how I ideally want end of life to go), an End of Life Doula, my funeral and burial are sorted and my bff has POA.
I want to stay in my (Housing Association) bungalow with my cats until the end, that has always been my wish.
On Thursday my Dr. video called me and at the end of the call advised me that
she was concerned about my deteriorating physical/mental health from being in prolonged isolation (I can't get outside at all at the present) and as such I had 2 choices go into hospital or go to a place that is usually run as a Respite Centre.
It was closed in Jan for refurbishment and Covid 19 meant it didn't reopen. It's now being used by our NHS for people who are not safe at home (temporarily) but don't need hospital treatment. There are Nurses there. I'll be away for a month and arranging care of my fur babies has not been easy.
I still hold to my original decisions though, I will return home when I am well (I hope) and end my life in my home with whatever Care Support I can tolerate.
My late DH had carers when he had Cancer because I was not physically able to care for him with my own disabilities. That was the theory anyway, the carers were for the most part a nightmare and I nursed him myself July-Feb when he died. I then dealt with not only his death but the effects of months doing things I physically/mentally shouldn't have done. No regrets though, he had a gentle death with me at his side to his last breath.
so the respite place is a brand new Or newly rehabbed building designed for continuing care? That’s amazing (the type of thing you can do easier when there’s universal healthcare) and if being there for a few weeks can help you get better both physically and mentally, it’s a good thing. If there’s bereavement counseling, please think about participating in it. Best of luck to you.
I don't recall if there were hired caregivers, as most of them were still able to care for themselves, but didn't want to be alone. Of course there were personal squabbles and that sort of thing. But there was backup in that others were living there as well, but it wasn't an apartment complex.
Some years ago the Eden Initiative had become noted for its different and more personal approach to elderly living. I only visited one place adopting this approach, and it was a government run facility, depressing, and definitely not someplace I'd want to be.
My sister and I were talking about how long the strict restrictions can be sustained in Retirement Homes and Long Term Care.... I think that people in the former category who have some flexibility to find other care options in the community will not subject themselves to a life that amounts to a sentence of solitary confinement, and in the short term nobody will be going into LTC who isn't carried in on a stretcher (in dire need).
My dd has said I could live with them. We lived together here this summer for 5 months under a time of some stress and it worked fine so she felt she could offer that. I guess I will leave it in the realm of possibility but it would not be my first choice. If I got to the point of needing more care than assisted living I would not want my dd to be burdened with that.
Ideally, I would like my own residence of some sort, that was or could be adapted to senior needs. Aging in place is a great idea if there are enough resources.
Illness may strike so if one has to live in a facility - so be it.
One aunt, on my father's side after her husband died, moved from her home into a senior's townhouse, I guess you would call it, It was her own unit, she cooked etc for herself. The outside and grounds were looked after. There was a pull cord in the bedroom and in the bathroom if she needed help. And there was a main building for seniors who were not as independent as she was. She lived there till she was 97. I gather she had some heart issues but didn't seem too badly off. One morning bending over to pick up the milk bottle which has been delivered to her door, she lost her balance and fell onto the cold brick patio type area outside her door, and lay there for a while before someone noticed and got help. She was put into hospital due to hypothermia, and passed within 2 weeks. So basically she lived in her home until the end. It's a nice way to go though she really wanted to reach 100!
I have more stories of seniors in the family I will share later. They are the ones I am looking at for ideas for myself and well as learning for everyone here.
For other ailments, it will depend on what it is and how much assistance would be needed. Hopefully it won't come to that...
My friend, earlier in the year, finally moved into a Senior apt. Loved it. A few months later landed in the hospital and then an extended stay in rehab. Not sure of all that happened but she went beyond the 100 days allowed and now is in LTC. She had to give up her apt and her dog. At 71, she has parkinsons and just diagnoised with stomach cancer. She is her own worst enemy, though. Estranged from her sons. TG she has a couple of friends who have handled things for her, one her POA. But, she is going to have to live in LTC for the rest of her life. And now Covid. She can have no visitors. How depressing for someone who is still with it. In a room all day long. Even though I have been upset with her the last year for a nasty message she left me, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
So yes, I may rethink the AL thing. No, I don't want my girls caring for me. So, I hope I stay healthy. I know one thing, I don't want to live into my 90s.
"I don't want to live into my 90's".
Dear one, we don't always have those choices. The women in my family tend to live pretty healthily into their late 90's and mother raised the bar by surviving to 106. It wouldn't be my choice to live as she did her last few years, but, it is not within my control.
Here there will be some major changes to how seniors are cared fro moving forward. One outcome is going to be better working conditions for staff and better employment, full time hours and benefits, so they can work in just one facility instead of many.
I am sure shared rooms will be a thing of the past too, unless it is for a couple. Finding a way to stop people from wandering into other people's rooms is important too. A friend who is physically impaired but mentally all there is having to shoo people out of her room all the time.
I think the use of restraints in facilities will increase, physical or medical. There will be court challenges, but one person's rights end, when they impact another person's health and well being.
Here in BC there has been a program called Better At Home that provides supports to seniors in their homes, I feel that program will need additional funding. It will also need far more staff and the staff will have to assigned to set families, perhaps 5 different families in their case load.
One thing that care facilities are acknowledging is all the unpaid labour provided by family and other volunteers. With facilities on lock down, the staff is being stretched even further to provide needed care.
Lastly, I think the "keep them alive at all costs" method of medical care will be reviewed. If someone cannot survive without many medications, trips to the hospital etc, perhaps Home Hospice will be called earlier? I am not suggesting euthanasia, but just allowing nature to takes it course. This is what my grandmother did, when she had Chronic Leukemia, she refused excessive treatment and let nature take it course. She was only hospitalized for 5 days prior to her death, up until that time she was at home.
My mother spent 5 1/2 very good years in a local residential center, a second relative who had 2 good years there became infected recently by a non symptomatic carrier, and survived the infection, and if I were to become unable to remain in my own home at some point, I would prefer to be in THAT facility, and I have informed my children of that choice.
Life, at present, is a cr*p shoot. It may change, and it may not. But if and when I ever got there, that’s the choice I’d make, hands down.
So no my plans have not changed but COVID19 has cemented the fact that I made the right decision 5 or 6 years ago.
I'm evaluating what needs to be done to accommodate older, possibly somewhat compromised living and plan to make those changes as I alter other aspects of the home to accommodate older living. More desirably, I want to move to a quieter, less congested area, where people actually speak to each other and cars don't zoom down the street regularly. I want peace and quiet.
Taking care of my parents and sister offered good insights into different levels of care, so I have a pretty good idea what I'll need, unless I develop some catastrophically compromising disease or illness.
What plans are you making?