Forgive the straightfoward question. I know grief is never easy but I am genuinely wondering is it easier when you anticipate your LO dying?
My dad died so suddenly and it was such a shock, my mom is on a roller coaster of being sick and getting better then sick again. Every day and night I anticipate a phone call from the hospital I know it won't be easy when the time comes but is it easier when you're anticipating it?
It is much easier when we know that someone is dying. It’s still upsetting and we grieve even if we are expecting it but I feel that it is easier.
The death you want and everybody else hates - you are healthy and die suddenly. For you there is very little suffering, but everybody else is not prepared for you to die. They feel a lot of pain and grief may take longer to heal.
The death you hate and everybody else is OK with. You have a long, slow slide downhill into death. You may be sick and suffer until finally you have no more life. Everybody else sees that death is a mercy for you - no more suffering or pain. Many of these other people can come to terms with their grief over your death since your life was painful. You hate this because you suffer until you die.
Since none of us know exactly what type of death we will experience, it is best to live each day to the fullest - as if it were your last. BUT, also prepare for a long life on earth.
She first lost her dad to a sudden heart attack.
She lost her mom to cancer and she was suffering from it during the final months of her life. The lump couldn't be surgically removed and I believe she was doing chemo. Her last good day was less than a week before she died.
Both of them died before turning 65. The father was 62. The mother was 64. The friend was 32 when her mom died. She and her husband announced they were expecting their first child four months after her dad passed. Her older sister was pregnant with her third child at that time and somewhat named the child after her father.
I was my beloved mother's caregiver up to the end....and it was absolute torture to watch her day by day, grow weaker, then lose interest in eating, all that....it was horrible. She and I were super close all my life, and it felt that we were each other..hard to explain.
I'm now over 5 1/2 years out from losing her, and my life is just no longer the same. I exist, but my joy of life is gone for the most part.
If i didn't have Christ the Lord as my Risen Savior, and He keeps me going, I would have ended my life that first year without my dear, sweet mother.
So, No....to anticipate the loss, has a name, it's called, Anticipatory Grief. Grief is horrible in all its forms.
May the Lord be with your spirit. Shalom. 💜🕊💜✡️✝️💜🕊💜
Of course, my mom also had dementia for those seven years, and the mother I'd known had died long before her physical body gave out. That also made it somewhat easier.
I didn't really get to grieve for my dad because I went straight into being in charge of my mother, and she lasted another 2 1/2 years. It meant that my all-consuming sadness at losing both kicked in some months after Mom died.
I still think about them every day, and it's been almost five and two years now.
"You're never ready."
It doesn't matter if it's out of nowhere or if it's been anticipated for weeks, months, or a year or two. The shock and sadness will be there.
It's sad, and as my FIL kept telling his grandchild... This life is temporary... These bodies are not meant to live forever..
A friend had diabetes, was born with it, lived with it his whole life, and devoted to never having kids so they won't go through what he endured...
ON HIS BEHALF.... HIS MOTO: DEATH IS OK. And Death Is Okay.
We just need to understand that everyone is mortal... We do have a beginning and an End....
My first parent passing was a shock and I was not prepared even though I was told by a friend, my parent was a goner because you need a liver to live... My friend, I only new a few months just told it to me straight forward... Was it the right way? Perhaps, I am thankful he was truthful.. could've added some sprinkles on it... but no....
The roller coaster? After a while, you just want the ride to STOP... Stop and catch your breath... How long can you actually ride a roller coster? I could ride one for hours it seemed like when I was young...
I believe, the way or reason why it happens so you can either prepare yourself for a long time that this is going to happen; or it's taken away quickly, like a bandaid being ripped off you skin with the bits of arm hair stuck on it...
There is no right or wrong answer... This is personal, and nobody knows exactly what YOU are going through or had to.
If death comes at your LO from something other than organic, like health issues of some sort, mind or body... but from an outside issue.. than, that's a whole different topic and that I still cannot wrap my mind around it... but.. it happens, sadly...That is the hardest one to sort through...
So your dad died suddenly.. and mom is hanging on... you got to be there for her.. and she may still be suffering from the loss of her husband... and there is no time limit for grieving... It comes and goes, and hopefully, it will start to heal....and happy memories will come to surface.