My Mum has recently been admitted to an Aged Care Facility in a memory care unit (she has dementia). When I visit her she is sitting in the communal areas. I spend all of the time with her, but because there are other residents next to her or nearby they like to chat and include me in their conversations. Sometimes they ask me to show them where their room is because they cannot remember where it is, other times I might ask a carer if the resident can have a heat pack if they are in pain, or I let the carer and/or nurse know they are in pain so they can help them. Some of the female residents are really sweet and might give me a hug when I arrive because I have gotten to know them. Now I have been told that I am interfering and the staff does not like it because I might make the residents agitated. I have been told not to touch them (a bit hard when they come up to you and hug you) and not to help them because that is what the staff are there for (the only times that I have helped them is when the carers are nowhere to be seen (frequently) and/or the carers or nurses have asked me if I can assist someone). I have been really enjoying the visits with my Mum up until now and it has been great to see my Mum interacting with the other residents. Now I feel as if I am unwelcome and that I am a pest and I feel reluctant to interact with the staff and the residents. Any suggestions as to how I can move forward in a positive way?
I NEVER took the place of family, and if there was family who felt I was over-reaching, I never heard about it.
Later, a NH was built in my neighborhood and we were encouraged to get to know the residents and visit with them. (Again, so many had no one).
I don't see the problem of making new friends, or easing someone's loneliness.
While you might seek out carers to show a resident back to their room to avoid any perception of impropriety, I'd keep doing the rest of what you're doing. If you're rebuked again, use the community explanation above and ask them sweetly why they'd want anyone to ignore their neighbors. Wait for an answer, too -- they won't have one.
I'll bet you anything the staff feels threatened by you doing their jobs better than they do. I ran into this at my local library. They're grossly understaffed and have only one person to check in returned books, fill the holds, and shelve the returned books. They have a Friends of the Library group, but they absolutely refuse to allow the volunteers to shelve books. They flat-out said it threatened their jobs, so now returned books sit on the To-Be-Shelved shelf for up to two days. It's ridiculous.
You keep being you. Don't step on toes, but being kind doesn't get to be regulated.
If this happened to me I would honest consider speaking with other family members visiting their elders if they were amenable to this. In the community cottage at my bro's the coffee pot was always on with a tray of goodies at the side, and visitors and residents often mingled.
I am perplexed by this post.
I am sure they are not getting enough attention. We need attention. You are there lending a helpful ear, listening, conversing..
if in doubt, talk with a manager. Nowadays everyone has to be cautious. Maybe not walk them to their room, but track down an employee carer and say.. Mary wants to go to her rooom now.. I can’t take her, I’m visiting mom and that’s your job.. (too harsh) . But some places may have more rules..
when my friends mom was in a place, COVID rules were window visits only.. so I’d sit and wait for her to be wheeled up. In the meantime any resident who saw me would make a beeline right to my window to chat until my friends mom would arrive…
Jerp it up, you’re doing good.. if someone complains right then, tell the resident thsnk you for the chat.. I’ll see you next visit 🙂..
ask management about their rules of talk.. it sounds absurd to me….
Please don't stop being the caring person that God created you to be. You have done absolutely NOTHING wrong.
It's my experience(especially in a memory care setting)that these folks are often left to themselves with perhaps one person looking after 20 folks, so whatever you can do to put a smile on their face or help them, please continue to do. They need you.
The last person I visited in memory care about a year ago, I was helping to feed her, and a lady at the same table needed help as well, so I would give my lady one bite and then I would give the other one bite and so on.
And yes there was only 1 CNA in the dining area with about 20 residents during lunch time, and many of the folks were needing help eating.
So again, ignore these ignorant staff folks and continue to spread your kindness and joy to all you come in contact with at mums facility.
God bless you as you continue to be His hands and feet.
I can understand they have liability concerns sometimes. So if they had an employee come to admin and say "Rumpole was visiting and helped Irma with her wheelchair and what I observed was so unsafe for both Irma and Rumpole" then that's ONE thing. Because there is liability. But what you explained to us was not that.
I am so glad you are pursuing this. Do so honestly seeking information. They cannot divulge who says what to whom, but tell them you have done your own exploration, and you need to know what has upset staff so you can understand what you might be doing wrong. To go now and to visit, being uncomfortable even with visiting folks who approach you, is just out of order.
Good luck. I sure hope you will update us and will be watching for your note to us.
we would come on play music, and all of us would including staff, get up and dance with residents, all of us would pass the ball around I got them a big Disney princess plastic ball . One time mom got tired of it and threw it T me!!! She had stopped talking months before that…
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