I live across the country from my aging parents. My father is falling a lot and having trouble with incontinence. He is extremely stubborn so won’t wear adult diapers, so makes a mess that my mother has to continuously clean. He falls all of the time, and has no body strength, and she cannot lift him by herself. I am trying to think of how to help her because she is becoming angry and depressed dealing with him. Would home care be an option, even though she is there and somewhat “able” to help? He really should be in assisted living, I think. I’m just starting to think about this, so any ideas or direction would be appreciated.
There are incontinence underpants. They don't look like Depends, they look like thick briefs. Replace all your dad's underwear with those. That should help a bit.
No one who can reason continues to pee on the floor if they can see they have no control.
You need to get “across the country” and get your parents some help.
Yes, there is home help available but under the present circumstances it doesn’t sound like your father would cooperate.
He needs a medical evaluation to determine his condition and the best course of action going forward
Do have a urinary tract infection (UTI) test run first to rule this out as it is often the cause of dementia type symptoms in an elder. You need to find out what the problem is before you can decide on a course of action.