After months of debate, we finally agreed to place mom in a memory care unit. Had already made a deposit, then the state mandated the stay-at-home, before we got all the paperwork completed and mom moved in.
Now, almost 4 weeks later, we are back to an impasse. The facility has stopped all interactions between the residents. Their only interactions is with staff members bringing in food and checking on them. My sister is adamant that we are not moving her in under those conditions, and she holds the medical directive for mom.
Personally, I am on the fence. I think she needs to be there. But I also agree with my sister that current conditions would be make it very difficult for her to transition from the comfort and familiar surroundings of home.
Two questions:
1) Would you consider placing a family member, knowing there will be no interaction with other residents, and that person effectively will be confined to their room?
2) For those who already have a family member in memory care, is this isolation something other facilities are doing?
Mom is 91 and still fairly social, so I am leaning to delaying the move. Other siblings, some of whom have been in the rotation of staying with mom sometimes, may balk if a delay occurs and that will shift all the responsibility to my younger sister and I, and we both live out of state.
Your siblings should understand. This is not an isolated case. ALL of the world is dealing with this. For almost every person in NH there is at least one person missing them terribly.
Sending your LO into a facility now would probably feel to them like solitary confinement. Please wait until she can transition safely and then try to get everybody to visit her on their appointed days if they have them. That way she won't be too frazzled with the move.
Regarding the isolation, I certainly hope that ALL facilities are observing these precautions. Do you know how many or what percentage of the patients have been diagnosed with the virus at the facility where your mother will ultimately reside?
Lastly, though you didn't ask this, you mentioned that the majority of the caregiving responsibilities will fall onto 2 of several siblings if mom is not admitted soon. Just as an FYI, while the others may not wish to continue to care for their mother in person, it would probably be equally helpful or maybe even better depending upon their attitudes, if they were to contribute $$$ to her current care and maintenance so that there was a more equal balance. Caregiving affects the caregivers physical, mental, and emotional well-being. They need a break. While placing mom in a Respite care facility would bring up the same problems, Respite care in the home is still available and individuals such as CNA's and HHA's, and even companions can be hired from Home Health Care agencies. Some agencies will provide a live-in caregiver on a weekly basis. If your sister as the POA has access to mom's funds she may need to start to use them for home care if siblings are failing to hold up their fair share of caring for mom. Sometimes the thought of chipping away at an inheritance might cause some siblings to suddenly have more time available... :)
In my opinion, purely in terms of CV-19, mom would be safer their than with us kids still rotating in and out, bringing in groceries, etc...any of which could contain the virus.
There have been times where we had to move mom for days at a time, hurricane warnings, scheduling, etc. Everytime we have done so, being out of her usual surroundings has been difficult, to say the least. But in those situations, she was at my home with family, or at one of my sisters with their family. This would, in all probability, carry the same 'change of familiar setting' issues. And it would add the isolation issues. Which is why we are on hold for now.
Our mother is in a MC unit, associated with IL and AL (not a nursing home.) The other units are restricted to their room, and more recently are not allowed out for anything other than a medical appointment (shopping lists must be used to get supplies), but they said the MC residents have freedom to move about, as before. They eliminated hairdresser, bringing in outside "activities" and "entertainment", no access for them outside the MC unit and limit who comes in. So far, so good.
With limited access, protective measures and not a lot of cases in this area... yet... they stated these residents would be allowed to move about the unit, as before. Meals are more staggered, to allow spreading the residents more from each other. If the virus gets in, it will likely spread quickly, but even with being shut into their rooms, the virus, if it gets in, will still impact many or most. So, why "punish" these people? It's bad enough that they have to live in some isolation before the virus, why make it worse for them? They don't understand it at all.
We get weekly updates on the facility, some pix sent, messages about anything that needs to be said, etc. No real way for me to visit or interact with mom. Her room faces into a garden, can't get to the window, her hearing is bad, so we didn't get her a phone, she doesn't do computer-type stuff, so there's no way for me to "interface" with her. The last pic was taken during bingo, shortly after a tumble. She certainly looked happier than I am!!! My own "isolation" is about 2 years in the making, due to financial issues, and just when that was resolving, this happens. So, I'm not really any better off than she is!!
While it is difficult to manage the current situation, you'll have to weigh all the pros and cons in order to make a decision. If her care is untenable, then as bad as room isolation is, it would be better to move her. If it means hanging on a bit longer and you all "suffering" a bit more, then find a way to make the current situation work for a little longer. It seems like we are reaching a point where some restrictions might be slowly lifted. Since none of you is really local, do you move into her home with her in weekly shifts? Can you bring her to your own homes, where you might have help from your spouse/kids, temporarily? Hiring outside help to alleviate some of the stress can help, BUT then you have to worry about that person/people bringing in the virus.
I wouldn't want to be in your shoes... :-( Hope that something works out for you.
My mother has late-stage Alzheimer's & there's absolutely no way I could have done it by myself & continue to work my FT job.
Even with my siblings offering , they would not have been allowed to see Mom or be there to help with her care due to social distancing.
And any at home care mother was approved for would not have happened either as we could not afford to have people in and out of the house potentially exposing my mother.
With all this being said, I feel at peace with my mother in the facility.. yes, she was exposed to a resident with C19, thankfully her tests came back negative..
They are monitoring the residents very closely taking temperature three times a day.. Residents with a temperature above 100 are moved from the unit to a dedicated isolation wing.
I am blessed to have such a wonderful facility available for my mother with a dedicated staff.. we call our mother every day and we can FaceTime her.
For our family, this was the best decision .. The care she is receiving ,the protocols in place at the facility, peace of mind , moms demeanor, & continued contact with nursing staff all make for a confident decision that she is truly in the best situation possible considering the circumstances in the world today.
You may have to look at hired help, if affordable. If not, placement. I’m sure people are being placed in facilities daily because there is no other option. Just do the best you can to pick the right choice, then go with it.
I know communities that are isolating memory care and others who are not. It is difficult, and many would argue cruel, to isolate a person in the later stages of dementia. They are not able to understand the purpose nor benefit of confinement.
However, none of the communities I work with are allowing new admissions to memory care anyway. They are not doing strict isolation in memory care and so it would be irresponsible to bring someone new in and potentially infect others.
if your chosen memory care is doing isolation and you think your mom can handle it, go for it. If not, wait awhile.
Talk to the siblings carrying the load at this time and find out what they need to delay the move a while. Maybe pay for some in-home health care, if you and sister have been isolating (go get tested to confirm you don't have the virus)-go help or bring her to where you/sister are.
During the lockdown they prohibit anyone from visiting at windows. They consider this trespassing.
Legendseniorliving also charged every resident a daily fee for room service, to bring meals to their room. And are charging a monthly fee for gloves!
Legendseniorliving Homes across the USA have taken advantage of a very grim situation.
I would suggest not moving anyone during this time, it probably is best to keep loved ones home as long as possible.
The Cares Homes for our Seniors are doing what they want during this time, because no one can police them because of the lockdown.
Why do you feel you need to move your mother into a memory care unit?
The answer is NOT "Because she has advanced dementia".
Is it that none of the family can care for her in her or their home? Is it that she needs 24/7 caregiving because she can not conform to family's lifestyle, especially being up and wandering at night? Is it that the finances do not exist to pay for in-home care providers? Answering these types of questions and searching for solutions will help every person to come to agreement on residential facility or other types of arrangements.
Prayers to you and your family with this difficult decision.
It would be Downhill for anyone from the moment they walked in the door.
I ended up hiring around the clock Caregivers so my Dad could stay in his own home.
You might think about hiring part time Caregivers to give a brake to the ones caring for your mom now.
You might even consider hiring a Live In for your mom
But if you have any control over the timing of the placement, now is not the time to enter any kind of care facility. If you just can't care for the person any longer then you must place them. If you can safely delay the entry until we have reached the new normal, that's what you should do.
I have explained there is a bad flu going around-i don't want to make her sick. All staff are wearing masks so by now she understands flu is a real thing not something I made up. I had to get her out of the awful place she was in. New community does not have any cases thus far. My state is now posting the facilities that do get positive cases-there have been several facilities positive and several deaths. My son is still working and could bring home the virus at any time-i think sis chances are better where she is to stay healthy and get care if she should get sick. Hopefully we will get thru this and we can catch up on hugs and going out for pancakes in a few months.
My LO is in MC and I might be more concerned if she were alert, but ,she is in a semi-vegetative state and has no idea what is going on. She stays in bed most of the time and sleeps. I trust that her caregivers at the MC are doing a good job. They and hospice nurse are taking care of her and let me know what's going on. I spoke with a staff member yesterday who said that the staff is VERY careful with PPE, taking temperature before starting shifts, regularly wash hands, change gloves, etc. and that they are putting the residents welfare as their top priority. I appreciated her telling me that. The entire county where this MC is located only has 3 confirmed cases, with NONE of them being in a LTC facility.
Maybe, someone else knows this, but, isn't the restrictions against visitors in long term care facilities related to a federal restriction that is for recipients of Medicare and Medicaid? I thought I read something about that.
One sister (2 hours away from mom) broke her foot and is on crutches. She is still helping, but the foot is not healing as expected and she may be facing surgery and will be out for the next few months.
Sister 2 is 8 hours away, and I am 4 hrs away. On one side, I agree that the timing is terrible, but the positive is that the MC unit only has 25 residents, and has yet to see a case of CV19...so I think she would be safer there.
With the rotation routine, all 3 of us have been in and out of moms over the past few weeks. There is an argument that mom would be safer/less exposed at the MC unit than she is with us in and out.
At this point we are holding off on the move. If sis 1 does have to do surgery, that will create another "test" moment, with sis 2 and I both a fair distance away, and no other support, something will have to give, sooner or later. Thanks for your insights.