Jesus Christ. When will this get easier!

I don't know why I started crying.

For some reason I found myself reflecting on the recent past. I thought of my wedding, how glad I was that my Mom got to see it, just before she became bedridden... then I remembered that she's gone now...and the waterworks just came flowing.

You'd think it was yesterday my mom died.

It's been 7 months to the day. It was November 1 last year I got the dreadful call. I had left the house with my wife. And when we came back, Mom was gone.

I have enough on my plate with university responsibilities. I don't need this grief too. I wish I could lock it away or get rid of the feeling.

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Ex, when I was little, my dad's mom passed away from breast cancer. In those days, you didn’t say "breast" and you didn't say "cancer". So I just knew that she was dead. My brother and I were not taken to the funeral.

About 6 months later, my dad brought home a treat--a banana cream pie, his favorite. After dinner, he took the box out of the refrigerator and saw that he had put in in upside-down. He sat down at the kitchen table and cried.

He really wept! He was a big man, and his sobs filled the little kitchen. I had never seen my father cry.

I whispered to my mom "why is Daddy crying about the pie?"

She said "he's not crying about the pie; he's crying because he's sad about Nana."

That's how I know that real men cry.
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Exveemon Jun 2023
I remember at the funeral, I was sitting right next to my Dad. When he started crying, I turned my head away and cried myself. I just...couldn't stand the idea of seeing my Dad cry. lol. It's the old fashionedness in us, I guess. We're a family of men. My mom only had boys.

We don't grieve in front of each other...but every now and again we message each other about it.

Sometimes I get a random call or a message "hey how are you doing? I was thinking about Mum today" and we talk about her a little.

We rather talk about it on the phone than cry in front of each other. It probably seems silly, but hey (shrugs)
You really don't want to lock your feelings away or get rid of them as they are part of the healing process.
Grief MUST be felt if we are to move forward in a healthy manner. Period. The sooner we deal with it the sooner it will become easier as time goes by.
And not to scare you, but grief never goes away completely, it just gets easier to deal with over time.
So let the grief hit you when it does and let those tears flow, as they are healing for the soul.
God bless you.
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Exvee, we get rid of those feelings by processing them to a done or as done as possible. Meaning, we experience them as they surface and cry, yell or whatever we need to.

Time does heal the greatest of our pain but, the firsts are always the hardest. Get through the firsts - first birthday, first mother's day, first year, all the firsts before you start worrying about your grief. It is normal to have these moments that you have like a realization that they are really gone and the hurt feels so fresh.I lost my mom, quite suddenly, February of this year and I understand what you are going through. Great big warm hug!I pray that you are given strength to carry on with the path you are on and that you can start remembering the good times, the laughter and love that brings you smiles instead of tears. She was blessed to have you as her son.
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Thanks for the warm responses guys. I guess i was just ....surprised at how the sadness can just come in ...waves.You know... I've cried more about my Mom's death in the time after the funeral than I did when we were actually doing the funeral arrangements.
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Ex, I'm so sorry!

My mom has been gone for nearly 6 years now; I started crying the other day when I heard one of her favorite songs from the musical Carousel.

Embracing the love and the grief is the only way, in my opinion, of moving on.
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Ex, were you brought up to believe than men don't, or shouldn't, cry?

Real men cry.

Love and comfort to you. ((((Hugs))))
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My husband cries more than I do. He is not inhibited that way. I'm glad for it. It's been well over a year since my mom died and he cries when we talk about her. I still cry when I think about her all the time. After my dad died I would cry all the way to the college, then teach my classes and cry all the way back home - an hour drive each way. And I sob right out loud about my sister, who died 10 years ago. Our loved ones stay with us, whatever we try. Accept the grief. Live it. It's part of you now, but you will go on and have your life. Something I heard a long time ago is that it sometimes helps men to take up something that their parents did to help them through the pain of losing the parents because they don't think it's manly to cry. Was there something your mom loved to do, an interest you could take up or study about?
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So .. I shouldn't feel ashamed that as a grown man, I randomly cry thinking of my Mom's recently passing, even if it's been more than 6 months ?

How did this happen ? Ok. Well, my birthday recently passed. So I was thinking of what I am thankful for in the past year of life. I thought "I am thankful for my wife...and I thought of my wedding" and I wrote that down.
Then I thought "I am thankful that my Mom saw my wedding before she died..." then I saw water dripping onto the paper...and I realized I had started crying....
I hate this feeling.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jun 2023
You’re a grown man who has a beautiful, warm heart. I would rather be with a man who expresses his emotions than being with someone who is ice cold and feels nothing.

I can see why you share a beautiful life with your wife.

By the way, happy belated birthday to you.
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I remember you. My mom had Parkinson’s disease too. She died in 2021. It has only been 7 months since you lost your mom.

It will become easier but you will have your moments of grief. I do.

Cherish your memories. Go ahead and cry. Tears can be healing. It’s better than burying your emotions. Trust me, I tried that and it doesn’t work very well.

You have a sweet soul. Your mother knew how much you loved her. She understands your tears but she wouldn’t want you to grieve forever.

I was thinking about my mom earlier today too and I got misty eyed. There are times when I cry my eyes out too. It’s okay.

You have accomplished so much. I know that your mom would be so proud of you.

We are here to listen. Sometimes, we have a heavy heart and we need to talk. We have all been there.

Please don’t feel as if you are letting yourself down in any way. You are experiencing normal human emotions.

Wishing you peace as you continue to mourn the loss of your dear mother.

Take care.
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Hi Evee - so sorry to hear the pain that you are feeling. The loss of your mom is still very raw, so it's extremely natural to experience the range of emotions that's felt, even in the course of a day. It's your body's way of going thru the process. Rather than to suppress it, or pressure yourself to move past it, understand that it's actually healthier to cry - it's a cleansing for your body to get it out.

Nowadays, you'll see more men athletes (like tough football players) and actors interviewed and openly discuss going thru depressions, expressing their emotions - and how it helped their overall well being and healing - rather than bottling their emotions all inside.

Just know that your mom is still with you in spirit - and I hope you always feel her presence with you. Wishing you my very best for peace and continued healing ~
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