It's 2am. I'm sitting here studying and the waterworks came pouring out. Gosh, I miss my Mum. When will this get easier?

There are going to be a lot of heartbreaking moments in your life.
Thankfully they are offset by the wonderful moments in your life. You have already had a lot of firsts without mom, first Thanksgiving, (if you live in the USA) first Christmas, probably first birthday and on and on.

It has been 6+ years since my Husband died and I can listen to a song on the radio and it is "just" a song, the next time I hear it the floodgates open. No rhyme or reason.

Mom is still with you. In your heart, in that voice in the back of your mind. She is there. You do not really wish you could get rid of the feelings. They prove that you have a heart, they prove that you had a mom that was a loving influence in your life.
I am sure if you read a lot of the posts here there are plenty of people that wish they had a mom that would have been there for them.
Grief is part of life.

Here are a few things that I keep by my desk.

Grief never ends
But it changes.
It is a passage, not a place to stay
Grief is not a sign of weakness
nor a lack of faith
It is the price of love.

The other:

Crying is a way your eyes speak when your mouth can't explain how broken your heart is

.Grief is something you get through not over. Let yourself grieve the way you need to

From my experience, the first couple of years are the hardest when feelings of grief are overwhelming at any given time. My mom died unexpectedly as well and has been the greatest loss in my life. The loss never disappears.

Now is the time to be gentle with yourself, allowing your soul to heal. Everyone's different. I've seen people move on from loss better than others. I was just crying last night to my husband about my mom. I miss her so very much, she was a wonderful mother & friend. It will be 18 years this October.

The silver lining is my father just turned 90 (they were divorced but remained friends). He's not much longer for this world, we've always been close (I'm the youngest), and I think how fortunate I've been.

As everyone told me, it does get better in time. It never goes away yet I always feel a part of her with me. I hope that stays true with my father as well.

Please get some grief counseling even If its One Visit or Join a support group . It takes a couple years at Least to get Over a Parent . Grief comes in stages . I Found after my brother died suddenly in 2008 I went to see a grief counselor for 3 and a half hours and it helped immensely . I wish I had seen someone after my other brother died But I had talked with a well Known psychiatrist a couple times so I was Prepared and Had a few Doctors helping me . Yet I got very Ill for a few months after he died . My Mother I still think about and its been 7 Years . I realized recently she had become a caregiver at 38 for my schizophrenic brother and a caregiver a few years Later for another brother till she was 77 . Thats a Longtime to be a caregiver . Eventually the Intense feelings Pass - Have compassion and empathy for yourself . Learn about grief it comes in stages .

Thanks for the warm responses guys. I guess i was just ....surprised at how the sadness can just come in ...waves.You know... I've cried more about my Mom's death in the time after the funeral than I did when we were actually doing the funeral arrangements.

Hi Evee - so sorry to hear the pain that you are feeling. The loss of your mom is still very raw, so it's extremely natural to experience the range of emotions that's felt, even in the course of a day. It's your body's way of going thru the process. Rather than to suppress it, or pressure yourself to move past it, understand that it's actually healthier to cry - it's a cleansing for your body to get it out.

Nowadays, you'll see more men athletes (like tough football players) and actors interviewed and openly discuss going thru depressions, expressing their emotions - and how it helped their overall well being and healing - rather than bottling their emotions all inside.

Just know that your mom is still with you in spirit - and I hope you always feel her presence with you. Wishing you my very best for peace and continued healing ~

Part of the trouble is.....men aren't "supposed" to cry. Emotions are messy. We want to hurry up and be rid of a bad feeling we don't know what to DO with, when there's nothing TO do with it except feel it. Which is uncomfortable. This is how addictive behavior starts .....not to suggest you're on the road to such a thing, but to explain why addiction begins in the first place: as a means of escape from the discomfort of feeling emotions we don't know how to process.

Just sit with your grief and allow yourself to cry. Mom deserves that emotion from you, that expression of love, and you deserve the release that comes along with a good cry.

"Tears are God's gift to us; our holy water. They heal us as they flow."
-Rita Schiavo

I always say, the only way out of something is through it. No shortcuts. Allow yourself to go through the stages of grief and wind up alright on the other side of it. Yes, a big part of you will always be missing but once the raw wound heals up a bit, you'll be able to talk about and remember mom fondly and with a smile and a few laughs instead of tears.

My husband cries more than I do. He is not inhibited that way. I'm glad for it. It's been well over a year since my mom died and he cries when we talk about her. I still cry when I think about her all the time. After my dad died I would cry all the way to the college, then teach my classes and cry all the way back home - an hour drive each way. And I sob right out loud about my sister, who died 10 years ago. Our loved ones stay with us, whatever we try. Accept the grief. Live it. It's part of you now, but you will go on and have your life. Something I heard a long time ago is that it sometimes helps men to take up something that their parents did to help them through the pain of losing the parents because they don't think it's manly to cry. Was there something your mom loved to do, an interest you could take up or study about?

You really don't want to lock your feelings away or get rid of them as they are part of the healing process.
Grief MUST be felt if we are to move forward in a healthy manner. Period. The sooner we deal with it the sooner it will become easier as time goes by.
And not to scare you, but grief never goes away completely, it just gets easier to deal with over time.
So let the grief hit you when it does and let those tears flow, as they are healing for the soul.
God bless you.

I often use the expression that "grief blindsides us". . We can logically process everything, have our "firsts" as RealyReal calls them, be doing quite well. And suddenly it happens, just as you describe it.

It can happen not only with the passing of those dearest to us, but also in the case of the loss of pets, and the last time this happened to me it was about my two long gone elder girl dogs. We were at a park we used to go to with them; I opened the trunk to get something. Suddenly, there it was, waterworks and all. The grief happy memories poured in and the tears poured out like a storm.

Good to hear from you, ex vee. Grief is a long, ever changing journey. As RealyReal observes, time is the best healer. Take care of yourself.

Exvee, we get rid of those feelings by processing them to a done or as done as possible. Meaning, we experience them as they surface and cry, yell or whatever we need to.

Time does heal the greatest of our pain but, the firsts are always the hardest. Get through the firsts - first birthday, first mother's day, first year, all the firsts before you start worrying about your grief. It is normal to have these moments that you have like a realization that they are really gone and the hurt feels so fresh.I lost my mom, quite suddenly, February of this year and I understand what you are going through. Great big warm hug!I pray that you are given strength to carry on with the path you are on and that you can start remembering the good times, the laughter and love that brings you smiles instead of tears. She was blessed to have you as her son.

Ex, when I was little, my dad's mom passed away from breast cancer. In those days, you didn’t say "breast" and you didn't say "cancer". So I just knew that she was dead. My brother and I were not taken to the funeral.

About 6 months later, my dad brought home a treat--a banana cream pie, his favorite. After dinner, he took the box out of the refrigerator and saw that he had put in in upside-down. He sat down at the kitchen table and cried.

He really wept! He was a big man, and his sobs filled the little kitchen. I had never seen my father cry.

I whispered to my mom "why is Daddy crying about the pie?"

She said "he's not crying about the pie; he's crying because he's sad about Nana."

That's how I know that real men cry.

Ex, were you brought up to believe than men don't, or shouldn't, cry?

Real men cry.

Love and comfort to you. ((((Hugs))))

Exveemon,

I remember you. My mom had Parkinson’s disease too. She died in 2021. It has only been 7 months since you lost your mom.

It will become easier but you will have your moments of grief. I do.

Cherish your memories. Go ahead and cry. Tears can be healing. It’s better than burying your emotions. Trust me, I tried that and it doesn’t work very well.

You have a sweet soul. Your mother knew how much you loved her. She understands your tears but she wouldn’t want you to grieve forever.

I was thinking about my mom earlier today too and I got misty eyed. There are times when I cry my eyes out too. It’s okay.

You have accomplished so much. I know that your mom would be so proud of you.

We are here to listen. Sometimes, we have a heavy heart and we need to talk. We have all been there.

Please don’t feel as if you are letting yourself down in any way. You are experiencing normal human emotions.

Wishing you peace as you continue to mourn the loss of your dear mother.

Take care.

So .. I shouldn't feel ashamed that as a grown man, I randomly cry thinking of my Mom's recently passing, even if it's been more than 6 months ?

How did this happen ? Ok. Well, my birthday recently passed. So I was thinking of what I am thankful for in the past year of life. I thought "I am thankful for my wife...and I thought of my wedding" and I wrote that down.
Then I thought "I am thankful that my Mom saw my wedding before she died..." then I saw water dripping onto the paper...and I realized I had started crying....
I hate this feeling.

Ex, I'm so sorry!

My mom has been gone for nearly 6 years now; I started crying the other day when I heard one of her favorite songs from the musical Carousel.

Embracing the love and the grief is the only way, in my opinion, of moving on.