Mom had a stroke Monday late morning. Was sent to ER and sent back. Can't swallow on hospice now. This ALF is superb. Brought a bed to me, some aids and nurses cried when they were told she wouldn't make it through the night. 24 hours she is still with me. They bring me food, snacks
I still can't give up. I lay her watching her breath. Constantly telling her how much I love her. I'm in denial even I know without being able to swallow this can't go on forever. I'm in shock and don't know what will happen.
I can understand about shock and it's hard to deal with other than just waiting through it. Eventually reality has to creep back in because that is its ugly way.
There's no way to know what will happen...even 'the odds are' is not a certainty. There are 5 stages of grieving many of us go through and sometimes it starts before and sometimes after....
They are, not in any order:
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance
You can look these up sometime if you want to, and read more about them; they are many places online and also at the library.
These stages were studied and determined by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and are called the Kübler-Ross model. They are not totally inclusive of all the possible feelings nor are all of them always experienced by everyone...there is no particular order that they follow, necessarily...but they are seen as a valid model for anyone who is either facing their own death or that of a loved one...or any other catastrophic life event.
I think you must be experiencing denial right now and it can be described as:
"Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions and individuals that will be left behind after death. Denial can be conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, or the reality of the situation. Denial is a defense mechanism and some people can become locked in this stage."
So just now that what you are going through is necessary and somewhat expected...I wish that you didn't have to face this but death is a part of life and not one of us is exempt.
I don't know if any of this helped but I will continue to send you good energy and that, I know, can't do any harm. GOD be with you and your mom during this time.
lovbob
Thinking of you....
Her 1 left (2 deceased) has not called or had anything to do with her about 9 years. Nor have 10 of 11 grandchildren.
They are selfish troublemakers that turned on her and me years ago.
I am not going to notify them until it's over. Not putting her or I through the chaos.
What are your thoughts? A
Her attorney agrees with me.
Hugs to you and Mom, Here4her:) xo
I am the one who won with the wonderful memories we shared. I don't been want any of them there. Mom expressed that to me, but my. Daughter thinks it will bite me in the butt. Lawyer had me go sign a paper as I'm still her DPOAicould have private or public
I hate dysfunctional families that gang up on the only one who gave a hoot.
Again thank you. Hospice is shocked she isn't gone. She knows im here and not
Ready. I love so much. Any more insights. I've got lots of time to read here.
Love your Mom and store these memories. They are very, very dear memories.. and sacred.
It will be a short 2 hour viewing service with graveside service as well. I swear I'll hit the ceiling if any of them come up and start asking questions, they should have asked years ago.
When she turned 80 I gave her a surprise birthday party. Cost $3,300. They chipped in$0.00 had a limo and everything. When limo pulled up they all ran up to it and took the credit for everything. Did not turn over a finger to help. Mom thought it was their deal took me 10 month to plan. Had a movie made of her life. Vultures!
You have answered all your own questions concerning your relatives. They are not worth a glance from you. Suggestions: At the funeral, if anyone wants to know if she left a will, tell them "This is NOT the appropriate time to be asking such questions", and "my lawyer will contact you if you need to be involved". Whoever shows up and asks questions at the funeral or any other time, you might say "I can't answer that question right now, but I'll check with the lawyer, and HE he will call you." In other words, be very cool to them at the funeral, and lay it all on your lawyer to handle them when the time comes for the reading of the will. Tell them to make sure they leave their contact information in the guest book. Try not to blow your top. If they are persistient, ask them to leave or have the funeral director escort them out. You don't need them to like you, but they WILL respect you if you don't let them rattle you. Good luck with this. My prayers are with you.
I'm alone with her. Thank God for all the wonderful staff at this awesome facility.
They are angels.