They are presenting this as a choice...the dining room is being renovated. He's in a memory care facility and has dementia, recently diagnosed with kidney problems and may require surgery or catheterization. Otherwise healthy and ambulatory, but he's been losing weight (about 10 pounds) and gets worked up over the smallest things. I worry that a move, even temporary, will be stressful and disorienting but I'm getting a lot of pressure to OK it. I haven't talked to him about it (he is still very coherent and conversational). If he doesn't move, all the memory care residents will have to dine on a non secure floor during renovations and they're worried about that (although there's a receptionist at the front entrance and lots of CNAs would be always accompanying them).
Sunrise has a policy where they like to have one facility cat and one facility dog at all times and it seems to work. The animals have to be pretty even-tempered though it's true. This cat is good that way, about as non-neurotic as they come. She does great on planes, in carriers, etc. Very easy going.
Sunrise was cool with it, this place was not, it's just "policy" (read, relative lack of experience). I think the animals are great therapy for seniors especially those with dementia. But just like with children the situation has to be controlled to some extent. My Dad has had a cat all his life so he hasn't yet lost the ability to care for her. See everydayhealth/alzheimers/how-animal-therapy-helps-dementia-patients.aspx.
I appreciate your goal of your dad keeping the cat, but I really don't know how that would work. I can't envision a cat being able to stay in the Memory Care facilities I have seen. The residents need constant supervision. They aren't even allowed to keep shampoo, lotion or soap in their rooms, for fear they will eat it. I don't think it would be safe to have a cat in the ones I have seen. Most of the people in Memory Care need assistance brushing their teeth. Maybe your dad is in a higher level than my cousin. Maybe those who are higher functioning are allowed pets. I hope it works out for you both.
I still haven't heard from the facility ombudsman but I looked her up. She seems like a real advocate for seniors and kind of a tough cookie. That's good. I look forward to speaking with her after the holidays.
If it helps, my cousin, who has dementia, was in an Assisted Living facility for about 4 months, when I had to move her to a Secure Memory unit in another town. It was very easy. The Memory Care Unit was much better suited to handle her needs and she seemed to feel comfortable there immediately. She never mentioned the place she lived initially and when I asked her about it, she doesn't seem to remember anything about it. I'm so glad.
Unfortunately that doesn't help me with the current situation because this is happening next month (January).
So far his kidney condition doesn't warrant a SNF but he will go to the closest in-network SNF if he has surgery/catheterization. There are nine in our area. As far as I know I can't exactly reserve a spot this far in advance, but I will probably go with the closest one with availability.
Sorry, now that I'm over that. I would mistrust anything they told me about what their renovation plans are. I would expect them to not act in your dad's best interest and I would look for guidance from the people you have contacted. I know how difficult it is to find Secured Memory Care. I placed my cousin in one, so I get it. But, unless some big changes were made, I'd be looking to move him to another facility permanently. I wish you the best.
It also sounds as though your dad may need a skilled nursing facility sooner rather than later. Have you started to look?
For instance: they said they'd coordinate the furniture delivery and didn't, meanwhile I was 3000 miles away in NJ picking up my Dad and his cat so I had to have my boyfriend take the day off work to coordinate the furniture delivery. They said they'd coordinate the cable hook up...not...so I had to do that myself too.
They said they'd present the idea of my Dad having his cat to the committee, since he had a cat at the facility in NJ, and instead the head administrator himself just changed his mind about presenting it to the committee and decided it was a bad idea himself. So now I'm the involuntary owner of my Dad's cat.
Oh and they lost the deposit check and kept on asking me for it and then found it in their own possession after all...small thing but just another hassle.
So I didn't complain much through this whole thing, just made a mental note to get it in writing next time, since the default attitude seems to be to promise everything and deliver nothing. So that's where it's at, waiting for the ombudsman to call and waiting for any other good ideas from the Aging Care community.
He gets upset at the staff only. He's fine with me and others he's close to. So if there's an antidepressant that specifically deals with his moods towards the staff, that would be great!
He doesn't trust them as it is...this move will potentially be a huge stressor for him in that way. It's because they reflexively use therapeutic lying for everything. For instance, if they want to take him down to the lobby because I will be arriving in 10 minutes, they say I'm already there so that he'll rush. If he gets to the lobby before I do, then he gets really upset that they lied to him that I was already there. If his newspaper goes missing, they say that I haven't paid the bill, when in fact it's just being taken by another resident, and when he discovers this it angers him that they lied; when he can't switch the TV back from DVD player to TV, again they say it's because I haven't paid the bill, and when I come over and switch it back for him, he gets mad that they told him something else. So he trusts them less and less. I think they are underestimating his memory loss. It is a very specific type of memory loss, where he loses track of where he is and goes wandering for days sometimes. He also forgets that he can't drink alcohol while driving and got 3 DUIs and had his license permanently revoked, but he forgot that he doesn't have a license and wants to drive anyway. Those two things landed him in the facility. He's been diagnosed with moderate dementia by one of the top memory docs here in San Diego so this is not selective forgetting or anything, he really has a problem where everything seems familiar even if he hasn't been somewhere before and he has trouble putting two and two together (e.g., he'll think I know all his friends from college...weird).
What meds is your dad on for agitation. My mom also used to get Gita Ted over every little thing, but a new combination of antidepressants has done wonders for this.