Follow
Share

No family anywhere that would take responsibility for me. I've considered asking a friend I trust to move into my home for help for as long as I can remain there. Perhaps putting that person in my will, or an outright stipend as long as they were there? I am not rich, but comfortable with a large equity in my home and a paid for car.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Yes, 1RareFind, I am very early stage. I started with an IQ of 155 and am hyper aware of how my brain is faltering, doctor said most don't come in at this stage. The advice on here is very helpful. I know I need to take care of so much because I don't have a loved one that will step in and take care of things when I can't. So, I need to take care of them now. It saddens me that I will probably spend my remaining good time to prepare for the next, diminished, stage.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

SamHouston: Have you considered "paying it forward?" Also, assuming your pen name is not real name, what genius to select Sam Houston, the American politician and soldier, best known for his role in bringing Texas into the U. S. as a constituent state!!!!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Ruthieruth: Genius! Brilliant! The video suggestion-WOW-I can't say enough good things about YOU!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If I didn't suspect you were probably in the very early stages, I'd swear you must be joking. Usually people with Alzheimer's become incapacitated and need guardians. What I would do is pull every possible resource available while you still can make any decisions that you're capable of. A very smart move to make right now is your final preparations for any and all care that you'll be needing, including your final wishes for your funeral and disposition. Take advantage of what time you have left and take care of important matters that you haven't yet taken care of while you still can. There's no time to waste, time is probably against you right now, and you'll definitely need to put some kind of plan in place and make your wishes known while you still can
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Yeah, I have eyes that can stare holes into walls, too. But the body has a way of giving out before the mind does, Captain. :)
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Here in NY, a professional fiduciary has to be licensed. That is not quite the same as being a fiduciary aka trustee in a Trust, which is done by vote. A Guardian of a disabled person has fiduciary reports to submit annually to the judge who appointed them. These are often lawyers, who know the law, and not a cotton-pickin' thing about financial issues or tax issues.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

As of 2007, fiduciaries have to be licensed in my state (California). Not sure what the situation is in other states.

SamHouston can call his local Area Agency on Aging for information and referrals, to find someone offering a similar service in his state.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

ruth,
all those directives might be ok but i have a better plan in place .
i have brass knucks .
ill dictate like mussolini when i become senile -- and the smart people who matter -- will pay attention .
youll be able to recognize them -- theyll be the ones with teeth ..
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Drkernison makes some good points. For many reasons, a professional fiduciary makes a lot of sense. An Elder Care attorney may be able to recommend a couple. I know that the Courts have a list of approved attorneys who work in that capacity that the Court appoints when someone needs them as the Guardian over their persons and their estates. Sometimes, there are no available family members and a court appointed one is necessary. They do an excellent job from what I have seen. I'd explore that as a option.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

@SamHouston, I recommend you consider a professional fiduciary with experience overseeing the care and finances of a person with Alzheimers.

I have had a few patients in your situation. We have some good fiduciaries in my area who provide this service, and although it's not a perfect solution, it often works fairly well.

I have also had patients who have a friend as power of attorney overseeing the care, and most friends end up extremely overwhelmed. (This role can be overwhelming for family members too, but often there are several family members involved which can make the work more manageable.)

You can and likely should meet with an eldercare attorney to help figure out your financial long-term plan, but this doesn't replace the need to identify someone who will oversee and organize your care. The fiduciaries I have worked with often lead a team, which includes a care manager to hire in-person aides or coordinate care with the medical providers.

Moving into a facility can be a good choice, but you will still need someone to oversee your medical care, as well as your financial/legal affairs.

Good luck, it's a challenging situation to manage but very good that you are thinking ahead.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I know you would like to stay in ur home but maybe its time to consider an AL. The ones in my area are very nice and are able to keep u till u pass. Have a friend go with you and meet with an administrator. They will look over ur assets. Here u need two years private pay and once u have paid down Medicaid will take over. I would do any funeral arrangements up front. Personally, I wouldn't expect a friend to take on the responsibility. It will get to a point that she will be giving up her life to take care of you.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

SamHouston: What stage are you in? You seem pretty competent thus far. It's good that you're forward thinking. Perhaps you should also consider "paying it forward" to an NH or AL.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Put yourself in a age in place senior community. I am alone w no family and 2 friends when I get closer in age I will do this for me.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Ruthie, you are brilliant! What a very thoughtful thing you have done. You took charge of the situation and, thereby, empowered yourself. Well done.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Sam, I can not imagine how frightening this must be for you.
Having someone come in and live with you is a great idea but it can be very difficult.
I am the primary caregiver for my husband and I just lost a caregiver that was here 5 days a week for 6 hours. She was stealing things so I let her go and let the police deal with it. Being with someone with dementia for 24 hours a day 7 days a week can be very ..VERY stressful.
This stress can lead to abuse purely out of frustration.
You would be better off getting more than one person to help you.
You need to protect yourself and your house and assets. You are aware now but what happens in 6 months, 9 months, 12 months, 24 months when someone asks you to sign a piece of paper and you have no idea what that paper is and then you find yourself homeless.
Anyway you have to fully trust someone and that is difficult particularly if that person is not related to you. And from some of the problems I have read that people have even if the caregiver is related to you that is not a guarantee that you will be safe.
You might want to consider a nice Assisted Living facility where you can go in "fully functioning" and can remain until end of life. The levels of care would be able to allow you to stay in the same facility with pretty much the same staff and that will give you a measure of comfort.
While you may not want to give up your house think of the maintenance that will soon become too much. You will not have to worry about a mortgage, property taxes, gas bill, electric bill, water bill, most food costs and most assisted living facilities have transportation to shopping, entertainment, possibly Dr appointments and occasional trips. So you may save with the car expenses as well.
Talk to an Elder Lawyer about setting up POA for Health Care as well as Financial.

Side note...Since you are aware of your diagnosis and you seem to be pretty aware at this point have you thought about a blog or other on line way to communicate your journey so that we may learn from you. I would dearly love to get into my husbands head to find out his fears, his thoughts, what he would really want me to do. I have told him I would love to have him back for 1 day so he could tell me what he wants me to do.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

The issue I have with selling the house she has been living in is adjusting to a new place is not something people with dementia do well. This house is in her long term memory and she knows where everything is. If one can stay put, stay put unless she really wants to move to a new place.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Zdarov, you wrote just what I was thinking. I would arrange to have the house sold and get legalities sorted, then move into a continuing care community if I could afford it. My neighbors and the staff would help to substitute for having no family.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Well if you have dementia you will need an attorney to draw up a contract for this "trusted" friend. Friends can quickly take advantage of someone who is going to get worse, is in a terminal state, and can be manipulated. Perhaps hiring a fiduciary to oversee your bank account, real estate, and spell out exactly what this friend may or may not do. Even relatives will take advantage of someone in your condition, so be weary. Best wishes!
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

ruthie, I love your planning and approach, it's inspiring! And a great joke at the end, love that one. Best wishes to you!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

sam, I will have to plan the same thing one day, and maybe others with family should plan roughly the same anyway. Good for you. After you plan this part, based on the good replies above, my thoughts are you should check out all the progressive care facilities (the ones that have independent living condos all the way to full-time care rooms) around you, and set yourself up with one for later when home care may not be enough. Good luck and take good care of yourself.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

I am in a similar situation. I don't have Alz but have memory issues and lots and lots of physical disabilities. What I did is made a Will and Advanced Directive and an Alzhiemer advanced directive...even if it's not "legal" in my state, it covers a lot of the "wants" and I attached it to my advanced directive that is legal. It lets my wishes be known. I also completed the Compassion and Choices paperwork in a way that suits my preferences, regarding Right to Die. I think, whether Pro or Con, it's important to state MY WISHES, because sometimes doctors get funky and try to play God with insurance, and dole out care based on what they think is covered, VS what is actually covered, and what a person wants. So i got very specific and wrote it down. I also made a video explaining everything.

I made a different video for my caregivers..This is how i like my hair brushed, This is what i like to eat. Like a series of training videos.

These are the topics i covered:

Food and diet
Medications (I take this one with food. I know the doc said this, I do it like this....)
Groceries
Shopping
Clothes and Laundry
Passwords and Financial Accounts (I also dictated permission to my bank to let the person who is pay on death have permission to close the account even if some of the paperwork was not exactly correct...etc. Don't know if this will work, but i explained it.I have filled out a financial POA....)
I did a video of explaining what i do for fun, a bit of my family history,
etc..all of the things a person would need to know to care for me is on video.
What kind of toothpaste i use....etc etc etc.

mentioned the video in my ADvanced directives.

I also made a video that explained, for instance, when my friend had a stroke and needed a feeding tube, I don't want that. that i am OK with this treatment in this situation etc...as many as i can think of, and my reasons why.

It might sound kind of creepy, and I didn't do it all at once, but once i got it done, i felt really at peace, like I could stay in the present minute and not worry too much about the future.

I also sold a LOT of my stuff. Took pictures of it, but simplified. Saves on caregiving costs.

in terms of the actual person to name on the DPOA, i started hanging out on some of these websites where young millennials hang out and watched for the smart ones, that I basicaily agreed with, who don't back down easy, and are good advocates. Finally asked one or two of them to be a final advocate for me, and to watch my videos. Introduced these people to my friends, and doctors, had them fingerprinted, and referenced. I mean, what the heck. Didn't know my first grade teacher either. Leap of faith.
I talk to my doctors A LOT.
And yes, my attorney.
Hope I go in my sleep, quietly and peacefully, like my grandpa did. Not kicking and screaming like the folks in the backseat of his car......:) good luck to you.
Helpful Answer (20)
Report

It's good that you are thinking about the future and making plans for what you might need. Have you talked to family members who live far from you about it?

If that is truly not an option, then I might first consult with an Elder Law attorney who is familiar with financial planning and who may be able to make some suggestions. There are quite a few posters around here, who have knowledge about planning for extended care. I hope they will chime in. They may give you some things to consider before meeting with an attorney. The law may vary by state.

The reason I suggest the attorney, is that your assets or property might be needed to help pay for your long term care. There are laws about how all of that works and what might disqualify you, such as if your income is too high for things like Medicaid assistance with long term care. It might also determine if your house would be kept clear of a lien depending on your financial situation and qualifications. It's all very complex, imo. Maybe, others here can explain it better than I can.

Oh, an attorney might also provide advice regarding a contract for home care services, if you go that route. They might also suggest things about your Durable Power of Attorney, Health Care POA and Will.

I hope you are able to find your answers. I'd be interested to know how it works out.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Sit down with your attorney first and foremost. Do the legal paperwork now to avoid pitfalls later. Just putting the friend in a Will won't do them any good, because if you need memory care on Medicaid, the friend won't get title to the home or the car.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter