My dad recently went into assisted living and my mother recently went into memory care. I am in the process of trying to get their house and 60 acres of land with a small farm cleaned out so I can sell it. I should also mention that this house and property is in huge disrepair and bordering on a hoarder situation. I am an only child and have been trying to do this all myself. In my state (NY) - not sure if it is like this everywhere - assisted living and memory care assisted living are both private pay which for the 2 of them is about $8,000 a month, although the going rate is closer to about $10,000 or more at other facilities for 2 people. I had a market analysis on the house and property done and was hoping to sell it for fair market value, as it is a seller's market now and also due to their monthly expenses that they will have to meet and who knows what the future will bring. A cousin that I haven't seen or heard from in probably over a decade wanted to buy this, but after a phone conversation in which she completely attacked me about how bad the condition was and how I needed to largely discount the selling price because of this - even though the market analysis took into account the various warts of the property. I would have been willing to take some off the selling price, but just felt she was trying to take advantage of me so I stuck to my guns. The next day she had posted on Facebook that "greed was more important than family values" apparently in regard to not getting a big discount. And a few days later, I got a text from her saying she needed to do some investigation on her own to confirm what the rate at assisted living facilities are because she had a hard time believing that what I had told her was true. Apparently I am greedy and also a liar now. At this point, I just wrote her off as a potential buyer because I refuse to be taken advantage of. And yesterday, her sister called and gave me the same interrogation and kept mentioning how important it was to "keep it in the family." Getting my parents moved, due to my mother having had a stroke, working on their house, getting their pets re-homed, keeping up with their bills and banking, taking them to doctors appointments, dealing with the lawyer - who is highly regarded in elder law and is trying to set up a trust for the property, working with a geriatric care manager, working a full time job, and taking care of my own life and family, has been beyond any stress I have ever known. And then there is the 5 year look back period, etc. How has anyone else dealt with relatives trying to gouge you??
As to the rest of the story for me....my cousin apparently got a key to my mom's house from his mother, (my aunt, who I know well and trusted) and he MOVED IN to my mom's house with his girlfriend and her baby! I have an uncle who was checking on the house for me and called me as soon as he saw my cousin there. Thank God for that Uncle! I called him right away and told him he best get out, that he was trespassing and had no right to be there. Yes, I threatened him, I told him I had other family that would be happy to show up in just a few hours to remove him and if he didn't leave I was going to fly across the country that day and take all of his stuff and throw it outside and set it on fire. He left right away but it was super stressful!!!
If mom and or dad have to go on Medicaid the house will have to be sold for fair market value so you are just acting as a responsible representative of their best interest.
Ignore Social Media posts, do not comment on them it just feeds the monster.
You need to be aware of the Medicaid look back, as you mention.
The law of the land (or at least the State of New York) trumps her alleged "family values".
I wouldn't turn down a reasonable offer, regardless of who made it, but I wouldn't sell at a deep discount before you even get it on the market.
Family can be a pain.
You did good. Now, with the Medicaid info, you really have a reason not to sell it under Market Value.
Love when people come out of the woodwork. My MIL promised everything to everybody. We had neighbors coming over, after her funeral, saying she promised them this and that. Problem was, she promised other people the same thing. My SIL sold her Moms house and got a lot of money. This will pay for her Moms AL. First thing out of her sister's mouth was "how much do we all get". SIL said "Mom is not dead".
As for your relatives I wouldn’t give them the time of day. I got a decent price for our place very quickly. It sounds to me like your place should sell easily. I just don’t think you should kill yourself messing with it. I had been through 5 years of stress and nightmares with my folks.
I had the same thing that jo Ann mentioned, neighbors at my moms funeral claiming they were promised first offer on the property. Though I was gonna have to smack this one lady.
I didn’t have to deal with Medicaid because my folks had a little money and now 3 years later, I’m paying for dads care with the proceeds from his property.
When my grandmother died my OB ( a very sick and troubled man) felt it was HIS to inherit, why, I'll never know. My other sibs and I went to my dad and said if they sold this beloved little bungalow to our brother we would never speak to them again (everything my brother touched turned to garbage).
Dad sold the house to a family and they loved it for years. If my brother had gotten it---it would have been trashed in 6 months.
Let your realtor handle the relatives. That's why they get paid, to handle this exact kind of thing, amongst all the other issues.
You are under no obligation to answer to cousins or other relatives. Presumably as the only child, you will inherit any remaining property or money when the parents pass. The relatives have absolutely no claim on their estate. Shut down the Facebook account and don't return calls or messages from the family vultures who are out there. Your life will be simplified just by doing that.
I know all this depends on the mental condition of your parents and what legal instruments you already have in place.
I'm currently witnessing my neighbor get swindled out of his home because his wife died. Wife's siblings are swooping in and taking what really should belong to him through the will. Costing everyone more $$ where the $$ shouldn't be going! He'll get a settlement - but way less then what it really should be because of the cost of attorney's.
My husband and I went through a bit of this kind of stuff with his cousin and even his son after the death of his mother. Too much $$ went to the lawyers, $$ lost because of market change (2008-2010) during the back and forth of arguing - what a freakin mess it was. And it really didn't have to be.
Very sad.
It was just a thought that ran through my head. Hopefully someone else can expound on this possibility or dis-pell it.
Good Luck and hope you find yourself on the winning end of your situation.
Put the house on the market. If she wants to make an offer she will be free to do so, same as any other buyer - and you won't ever have the hassle of explaining why you sold it below market value.
I'm sorry these cousins have crawled out of the woodwork. Would you miss them if they crawled back in, permanently?
Some neighbors are just as bad. One told me what she wanted: she enumerated them. Another was just as greedy. And others thought they should have a discount on buying the house, with various reasons cited as to what they planned to do with it.
I think the flower thief was the ultimate in rudeness and arrogance though. A neighbor called, with the flower thief at her house, asking me to talk to her as she had been spotted with a shovel starting to dig up plants at the house. Fortunately, another neighbor told her she should ASK before she assumed the right to take someone's plants.
Obviously, she got nothing.
KittyKat,
Whether you're acting as the daughter, or pursuant to any legally granted authority, you act on behalf of your parents, as owners. It's not incumbent on you to grant favors or discounts to anyone, including greedy relatives.
Just tell them you're exploring all options, or something like that, and don't take their calls any more. Don't feel badly about being firm; they certainly aren't feeling badly about being greedy or rude.
Talk to an elder-care attorney about the five year look back. The house may be exempt, depending on how ownership was held or transferred.
As for your relatives, Show them the appraisal and tell them you would be willing to sell it for the appraised price.
If you want to be extra nice you can discount the real estate agents commission, if you do not list it first and sell it to them directly.
Your family members are the greedy ones.
You do not need the stress they are causing you. If they were good relatives, they would be emotionally supportive.
One kind of nutty guy was a contractor who I asked for a quote for some work. When he called, he brushed off the issue of a quote and said he wanted to buy the property, demolish the house and build 2 rentals on the property. He made that decision in the time it took to walk around the house, inside sight unseen.
And he wanted me to meet him the next day to work out the details of the sale. No way.
I think in the last year I've met more weirdos than over several years. And some even claimed to be contractors. I researched as many as I could, and used Google to see what kind of offices they had.
The one who wanted to close the deal the next day had a literal dump for an office, cans and junk covered by tarps in the yard, weeds over knee high, and more. One contractor's address was a vacant field, on all sides (although Google may have taken the photo decades ago (!) before the office was built).
(At one time I considered buying some cargo pants, stuffing them with tools, wearing a Rosie the Riveter scarf on my head, adding some smudges and dirt, and walking out of the shed to meet these wanna be Nicole Curtis or Holmes people.)
There were only a few who treated the property and me with respect. Others just saw lake property, big workshop, and old lady who they assumed could be manipulated and cheated.
I would just tell "cousin" that u have talked to a lawyer and he/she explained that not selling at Market Value could effect ur parents receiving Medicaid in the future if their money runs out.
heres my suggestion as you have a lawyer:
do a letter - sent certified mail with the return registered card - to each of them a terse 3 paragraph letter. 1st is thanks for your interest in the property & put in property address. 2nd paragraph is that they need to tender their offer and in detail as to earnest money and then balance in full AND they send that information to the attorney within 15 days of receipt of this letter. 3rd paragraph is that any & all future communication needs to be through the attorney.
id not put in any reference to the Realtor in the letter. Or respond to any future emails or phone calls from them. I would however monitor thier social media and take screen shots of any mentions of mom, the land, you, etc. & these you just in case keep.
I’d ask your moms facility to let you know if either of these grifters or their kids show up to “visit” mom too.