Dad's 96 and for financial and physical decline we are looking at assisted living. I don't want him to have to leave his beautiful home and surroundings. Every time I say ok it's time for assisted living I feel sick about it and worry about dad adjusting. He really can't stay home much longer. It's getting more difficult to transfer with his legs getting weaker. He wants to stay home. I want to be more positive about this change but it's so hard.
First, look at a few places. You'll get different vibes from each, and that will help sort out your decision.
Second, take the physical space into consideration. There are different layouts in assisted living — I deliberately picked one where it wasn't one big room, rather a little living room area and the bedroom was in the back behind the bathroom and kitchenette. It feels more like an apartment, and it's made my Dad happier having people over there because they aren't sitting around his bed "like I'm a sick person" as he puts it.
Personal items. Don't assume, ask. We brought a lot of art from the house for my Dad (he was an artist, with a lot of artist friends) but I found that he wanted to replace many of the things he had with mom — he wanted black and grey bedding and towels, not the colors she preferred, for example. Taking him to Target and letting him pick out all the little things was actually a huge step towards getting him on board.
Overall, I think assisted living has been great for Dad, and one of the reasons is that as he gets more settled there I have to worry less about his day to day life and that means I get to enjoy time with him more. He's safe, he's fine, and so we can go to dinner, or have him over, or even hit the mall, and know that it's all going to be okay once we drop him off. You'll be astonished at how well you sleep at night once Dad is in AL.
Keep looking at at various centers! We are close to two other states, so searched in a three state radius. Go look at all of them. Drop in when they don't expect you. My father is 30 minutes away (in another state), but it's worth it for this fabulous center.
I think back to how much time my father spent alone in his house (although family came by daily), and how much richer his life is now. In hindsight, he should have moved earlier. When he lived alone he was resistant to moving. Looking back, even HE now says he should have moved earlier (he moved 7 years after we lost my Mom).
People think "nursing home" when they hear "assisted living". They are vastly different. Even within the assisted living facilities, they differ so much. Many have tiny rooms or apartments, others are very large. They feel like "home" when you move their furniture, curtains, bedding, wall art, etc., in the apartment. Start visiting centers around you!
Your father may not be accepted in Assisted Living, however, b/c of his mobility issues and most do not accept Hoyer lifts; you'd have to make sure the place you're looking at allows a Hoyer lift to be used, otherwise, his stay there may be very short. You want to avoid moving him twice, if possible, and find a residence for him where he can stay until God calls him home. If that means Skilled Nursing, so be it. Find one that has high ratings and good feedback online, that's your best bet. If dad is private paying, all the better. SNFs are a bit harder of an adjustment than AL because most of them do not look like nice hotels, let's face it. But when my dad was facing life in a SNF, I did find one here in Denver that was almost like a hotel.........Windcrest it's called. It's a top notch place that charges quite a bit more than standard nursing homes, but also looks a lot more like a hotel than a SNF. He didn't wind up going there as I was able to get him into an AL with mom so they could live together for the last 10 months of his life, fortunately.
Think of dad's move as another adventure in life's journey rather than a negative move from his beautiful home to a dump. Treat it like a positive step for him to get a better quality of life with his physical limitations that he now faces. Having help 24/7 is a good thing, in reality, and something he can rely on. You'll visit as often as possible and he'll make friends and have activities to participate in, which is not how life is living in a house. Focus on the positive and soon he'll join you in your enthusiasm.
Wishing you the best of luck
and everyone would be in that room by the fire during the day at times.) Be matter of fact, do not encourage us to whine or fuss. Expect us to face the situation, and do the same when it comes your turn.
The care is as you need it; never forced upon a resident.
Wishing you the best of luck with your move!
Have you checked into a hoyer lift? I think Medicare will cover it if his doctor prescribes it.
I think the idea of them is that it allows one person to move someone that is no longer ambulatory. Negating the 2 person transfer.
Ask the aids and find out about training them for safety.
I would keep him home as long as possible.
I read that you are reluctant to have him leave his lovely home. With respect for those feelings, I suggest that you consider what is really best for him at his age and condition. It's a big change but I hope you can quickly come to terms with it and get dad what he needs.
I totally get feeling worried about him adjusting to new surroundings. My mom still lives with me and I am worried when the day comes for me to tell her that it's time to live elsewhere. We're basically one event away from that becoming a reality. She almost fell coming into the house tonight. If my husband hadn't been just a couple of steps behind her, that could have been the event.
Almost everybody want to stay in their home. But at his age and situation, it is often just not feasible nor safe. Can you hire aides to be with him at home? Would it help him stay home longer and still be safe? If he is weak and hard to transfer, I'm assuming that he is also one event away from major changes.
It is a cop out, but I am kind of hoping that an event happening will keep me from having to really be the bad guy. If she has a fall or a health event, which could really happen to any elder at any time, I can see that the path could be hospital, rehab, nursing home. Until that happens, I will probably be hiring in home help soon. Already hired a cleaning lady (that mom pays for) to concentrate on her areas of the house and then the common areas. Already hiring someone to help her use her CPAP. And whatever comes next.
It's not easy. Good luck.