I live with an aging parent who goes weeks, if not months, without showering. He refuses to get shower assistance. He believes he showers more often (will say he knows it's a problem and will do better, but also says he showers every few days...which is absolutely false). I've discussed with siblings, who are dismissive (family trademark). I'm at my wits end. I feel we are at that in-between stage where he's still able to converse & articulate, so he still calls ALL the shots. However, judgement is poor, and sense of time is quite compromised.
Have you got a calendar? Hang it up outside the bathroom and put gold stars on the shower days.
Any obstacles to his showering that occur to you? E.g. pain or difficulty with normal range of movement (e.g. feels stiff and uncomfortable taking his shirt off), cold room, feeling the chill generally, too tired, not as enjoyable as it used to be, too much like hard work to organise himself, or just would rather have a nap in his armchair thanks... The reasons might be tiny and seem trivial, but they are usually *there,* and there is often a pleasant way round them to be found. For example, a foot soak or a back scrub may be more tempting to the reluctant washer than the full routine, and can be a step towards returning to normal habits.
I had a head-swim moment yesterday when a gentleman who has been managing his personal care (and doing a decent job of it, mostly) at last agreed to a full strip wash with support last night - and uncovered a stage 3 pressure sore on both buttocks. He'd had no idea things had got so bad. So just to check: could your father be hiding any skin or other physical issues he's hoping will go away by themselves?
He had mobility problems and incontinence. On his bad days he would refuse to shower. Sometimes there were several bad days in a row. The smell was awful. The whole house would smell like old poop. He would go out of the house to the store or the doctor like that. Awful!
I could sometimes get him to shower. I’d ask if he showered. He’s say yes. I’d say he didn’t. He’d ask how would I know. I’d say I can smell poop and it smelled bad. That was usually enough to get him to shower - but not always. I think his sense of smell was reduced or gone.
Have you tried "therapeutic fibs", like he is going to have a visitor and needs to "spruce up"? Whatever you think would work. Or compromise by agreeing to a "sponge bath" with just a warm, soapy wash cloth? Something is better than nothing. I think it's not worth trying to reason with him, since that ability seems to be disappearing and mostly stresses you out. If you find something that works, please update us so others can learn from your success. Good luck!