My mother in law is terminally ill, and she appointed her "was going to be ed" to be the power of attorney while she was heavily sedated. He is trying to stop her family members from visiting, and stop her son from staying in the hospital next to her! Can he do this???
I had a friend who was hospitalized and her husband absolutely limited who visited, who was alone with her and times they could visit...and for good reason to not have any drama for his wife during her hospital and recovery stay. It was a good decision even though there was hurt feelings.
which is the only way someone is allowed a medicaid bed as the SS checks are the copay each month as the resident responsibility. I only know this is a new trick/lie because it happened at the one he is leaving & all along during his stay I was assured by the liars he had no coverage problems & could stay no matter what. Today while calling alternate NHs I was told the same lie that all their beds were duly certified. Then I called the state ombudsman & got the list of certified beds & found the prospective homes were also lying about which beds were medicaid. Best of all there will be no way to ensure he gets admitted into a medicaid bed because the ombudsman at the facility ultimately decides which ones are having a medicaid or a medicare in them & can move the cert. around the building to support keeping a patient in the same bed so you can't even tell by where the room is in the bldg. Worse yet the state hasn't caught up with the tricks so they will not be made to believe that he could move out of the frying pan into the fire.
It also never ceases to amaze me though how many I will speak with in the chain on behalf of corporate & the state knowing what looks like it may go wrong w/o mediation or I am trying to prevent & it doesn't get prevented because they believe the facility & what I've been told.
Today, I am having to move my dad a third time since the 1st of his 100 days of skilled since this one he is leaving admitted him medicaid & just kept billing medicare. He could have stayed at the last place (medicare only) and moved only once & while I tried to make many calls & did everything to avoid this no one would get involved because they believed the fairy tale land where every building operates via what is on paper. TX is a nightmare state for nursing homes. I do wonder if there are better states. As for POAs I have seen different NH read & interpret the POA differently as well. While one NH will not follow the POA wishes regarding no use of narcotics or only under consent the other NH will want to give antibiotics but if the POA says no to antibiotics they will observe the POA's voice as the patient's voice & not give them. The NH does not always know the best for the patient simply because the POA has more med. history on the patient i.e. from hospital specialists like Inf. Dis. specialists & that antib. will only do more harm than good.
Again everyone is not a robot. Everyone brings into it there own experiences, schooling whatever. POAs are also worded differently depending on the lawyer. I think that is part of the problem. Even ombudsmen are not robots & if they are prohospice or pro narcotics they will side with whatever they think the staff says is right because in their minds the staff is sitting by the 1 patients side 24-7 & intimately knowing what is best. Forget the idiot POA what do they know. We know alot. But you know this could be the only reason NHs also refuse to call a POA when they send a patient to the ER so we can be there to advocate or at least calm the demented patient. I have never once been called when they were sent to an ER & they were always terribly frightened & over-treated & almost killed when I found out next day they were in hosp. The state of TX is a nightmare. I would not advise anyone to facilitate anyone in this state. Either keep at home or move to another state. Please. Do yourself a favor. I have lost an entire day today to having to move dad again.
My biggest thing right now is an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. And putting things in the state rule obviously isn't effective. I think there needs to be more of a watchdog group preventing problems from going so far that there even needs to be an on site investigation when the patient is already at a hospital or at another facility.
Although my dad is pretty institutionalized to be able to care for at home I wish I had never facilitated both my parents when I did. If I had it to do over again I would not have facilitated them knowing how broken the system is.
What I've found is that the memory care & assisted living staff will not prevent family members from coming in to visit.
I had a really difficult time in getting them to agree to call the police if they tried to take my step-mom for a "trip".
I wish it was so. My 90 y/o mid stage dementia who is dependent on others was taken on a 5 day road trip, missing medicine, took her 3 weeks to regain most of her strength. After that I got the facility to agree to call 911 if someone else was to try to take her out.
Geez!! This stuff is not easy.
FedUpNow, how were you barred, if you don't me asking. Who enforced you not visiting. Who told you, you could not visit?
Sorry, but this is in such contrast to what I've come up against in 2 (Texas & Oregon) states & 3 facilities.
Sam7194, same questions?
I sincerely hope you all find helpful answers.
My Step mom, just broke her hip, she is in a convalescent hospital & the crazy niece is out of the country, but she's promised me she will come & set things right! & I'm the POS of medical & legal & have been caretaking from afar & moved her in August to improve her care.
This stuff is starting to make me crazy!!!!
Take care all, this too will pass
All I mean is that I agree with you: everyone's circumstances are different, and so are their motives. Sometimes we can't even begin to guess what they are.
My step-dad was the smart one. He knew that his son would probably act that way at his death. He did a will on his own to protect my mom. The son has access to nothing.
Prior to getting ill, my step-dad would not allow me to call his son or grandchildren that had not contacted him in over 5 years. I even had his doctor's to ask him and he said no, he did not want his son notified. He also told me not to even call them when he passed away and I was not to give them anything. I should have honored his wishes, but I couldn't imagine as a child not knowing that your parent is seriously ill or dying. I called to let the son know that his dad was dying and it took him hours to return the phone call. He actually called about a minute after his dad passed.
At the cemetery the grandson's caught me in a moment of weakness. They asked to come to their grandfather's house to see where they had played when growing up. I allowed them to do so and they were like vultures asking and taking things out of the house.
My step-dad was wise enough to protect my mom and himself prior to getting ill. I was my step-dad's DPOA and currently my mom's DPOA. I'm also the Executor of his Estate and I'm also Executor for my mom. I've had all the locks changed on their home, put alerts on their accounts and notified the AL that under no circumstances are the son or his family to have any contact with my mom. The attorney and the doctors recommended this. My mom has dementia and she still remembers how the son did them and still gets very upset.
My mom has 5 children that love her very much and we are all in agreement that we will fight for our mom and make sure that her best interest is taken care of. If we manage my mom's money she may have enough money to last 3 years in AL. She is 89. I was told that prior to being eligible for assistance that if money is needed in the next 4 years that she would be required to do a spend down until all the money the son took was used or either the son would need to return the money. That $100,000 has been long gone. I don't see how any child or decent person could steal or take advantage of their own parents.
I'm saying this because everyone's circumstances are different. If I was being kept from my mom for selfish reasons, you bet I would be putting up a fight.
However, while I didn't have a chain around Mom's neck dragging her in, I'm not sure they can really tell whether she was being forced to sign or not. How do they know I didn't tell her a story about doing something bad to her if she acted out, for an example? If a person is scared, I think there's a good possibility they'll sign out of fear. Also, notaries to my knowledge don't perform a competency test -- that's not even really possible for them and sounds complicated, too. So, just because it's notarized doesn't mean the person signing is competent.
Don't assume you can't do anything about this or to challenge it if you think it is worth challenging. Notaries are fallible as is the notarization process.
Scott A. S. - Eldercare attorney
Then go see a lawyer and ask for a "show cause" as to why you can't see her.
If you can manage it I would try to visit at the same time as the POA is visiting & with setting it up in advance.