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My 70 year old husband has Parkinson’s and increasing dementia. He has been incontinent with several uti’s. We have been working with a neurologist-urologist along with his neurologist to get this managed. However, the past 2 weeks he has also become bowel incontinent. He doesn’t know when he has to go and doesn’t know when he’s had an accident. I am 77 and getting unable to cope anymore with the mobility issues, dementia and now bathroom issues. If I place him does he need assisted living with memory care or a long term snf? He has days when he is fully cognizant and other than PD has no other health issues. My stress level is bordering on a stroke or nervous breakdown!

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When you begin to research residences near you, ask THEM to help you decide how much care and attention HE NEEDS.

It may also be helpful for you both to request information from his neurologist concerning a cognitive assessment that will give you both some objective sense of how well he can take part in his own decision making. An assessment can be done by a neurologist, psychologist, or psychiatrist with specific training in geriatrics. Ask for an ASSESSMENT, NOT a “screening”.

Depending on what his assessment reveals, he may currently need either AL OR MC, so if possible, look for residences that house both types of care. The fewer transitions you need to make, the better for him.

Also, be aware that he is most likely not ever really “fully cognizant”, so his lack of bowel and bladder control is not accidental, but rather failure of ability to coordinate signals and facilitate them.

You are thinking along the right lines, and asking the right questions. Look near where you live now, so that you have some ideas about places you’d like to visit during your search.
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A nursing home or SNF is probably where you want too start looking for placement for your husband.
All nursing homes have memory care. The new thing today is to advertise that a facility has "Memory Care", when really they all have a locked dementia unit.
Assisted Living wouldn't be a good choice for him because his health is deteriorating and he'll need a nursing home at some point. Making him move twice will be too much of a strain on both of you.
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He definitely will need a nursing home. Even if he is not quite ready now, he will be very soon. Parkinson's progressively gets worse and he will need a 2 person assist to be transported anywhere. I'm sorry, I know what you are going through, I went through it with my father.
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I found a "Memory Care" place I loved and committed to it (emotionally and financially, as in paid up-front, non-refundable fees) and then was told my husband could not move in because he did not pass the "assessment" -
so beware!
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MJ1929 Jul 2021
No nursing facility should take a deposit before assessing the patient. That's criminal in my opinion. They couldn't perform their duties to provide housing and care as per a contract, so the deposit should be refunded.

Read that contract and sue them in small claims court if need be.
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You should discuss this with his physician. It is time to tell his doctors that you can no longer safely continue this care and placement is a necessity. He will help you decide, dependent on conditions and needs, where placement should be. So sorry you are going through this, and glad you recognize your human limitations.
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Find a memory care with multiple levels of care that will take him all the way through to the end. That's what my mother's MC offers, and I chose it because she almost died in skilled nursing (not enough issues, so they ignored her most of the time). I wanted her to have mental stimulation and not just be treated as a "patient," and it was the best decision I made. She is also incontinent, now on hospice, and she receives wonderful care in every way.
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