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She cannot live alone or bathe or cook any longer, and she is happy in her new home. But I don’t want to hurt her by not moving her out or by not taking her out daily as she seems to expect when covid restrictions are over. I’m a little fearful of too much fall-hazard activity. She wants to go shopping.
Bear in mind some days she’s much more lucid than others, but advice is needed on how to explain she’s not really capable of what she dreams of.

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The risks or non-risks of Covid really aren't the issue here.

What I'll bet is really going on is that she's bored. She's looking for something different to do, because like the rest of us, she's been locked down for a year. Everyone is stir-crazy.

Once she's able to be taken out (if she's able to do even that), a drive and a fast-food run may well be enough. Just you being able to come visit her in her place may be enough. Bring her a piece of pie, or in my mom's case, I would bring her a chile relleno and we'd eat Mexican food together out in the courtyard at her place. (Nursing homes don't serve Mexican food -- who knew? :-) )

Just try to find a way to mix things up for her to make some days a little different than the others. If she isn't physically able to "go shopping," find other things in her scope of ability that can be done.
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jacobsonbob Feb 2021
Actually, the one in which my mother spent several years DID serve Mexican food--or at least an imitation of it--every week or so. My mother, who never liked anything spicy, rarely ate any of it.
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Just because you both got vaccines does not mean you can not get COVID-19. It means that any COVID-19 infection will be less hazardous and hopefully shorter and easier. So use those facemasks, hand sanitizers, and social distancing techniques. Small steps always. Do things together that you feel comfortable with doing. Your mom may be just as happy with a walk outside and sharing a treat. Creating shared moments is more important than where you go.
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I would keep it simple and repeat the simple answer each time she asks. It’s not safe yet, as soon as it is we’ll talk about it. Too much explaining just confuses them.
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I'd take her anywhere she wanted to go within reason. If I had to do it all over again, I would've taken Dad & dog out even more often than I did. They became hermits eventually and that was worse for them for depression. My brother & his wife ceased the Sunday early bird meal gathering,so that was one less outing Dad had, he was sharp enough to pick up on that. I didn't care so much to be included or not, but they were 7 miles away and really stopped coming by unless it was their little assessment & convenience.
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Invisible Mar 2021
Boredom is the worst.
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I would love to take her anywhere she would like to go safely, of course. I understand how difficult and stressful that it is for you, please trust me. I know it's extremely emotionally exhausting and overwhelming! However, please understand, just like our children as newborn babies, in the blink of an eye she will be gone and you will regret your fears over time spent seeing her smiling and happy.
Just put limits on the outings such as only to a park, a walk, a Sonic for ice cream or to have her hair done. Wear 2 face masks and gloves. Use hand sanitizer upon entry and existing any stores. Really, it's gonna be okay honey. Have a wonderful time with your mother while you can. I would give anything in this world for just one more minute with my mother! 🙄
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Invisible Mar 2021
Yay! An answer I agree with! We have all been through a very isolating year and it has been particularly hard on those confined in assisted living and long term care. Why would you NOT want to reward your mother with some bonding time together? If you are worried about falls, purchase a transport wheelchair from Walgreens and go, go, go. You will never regret spending the time you have left together.
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Perhaps emphasizing the continued restrictions. A mask must be worn,possible wait in a line if there are already too many in a store. I have witnessed the waits although there are less of them. Would she be more content if you took her to lunch in an allowable place? If shopping at one store would cure her desires then maybe you could do that but just make sure she knows you are not up to going numerous places. Maybe she will forget it all or the facility may still have restrictions regarding residents needing to quarantine regardless of the vaccine. My mother has had both but at this point I cannot get it until I turn 65 in July which is supposedly when everyone else can.
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It will be a while before this Country opens up completely. Restrictions will still be in place and masks still worn. The vaccine is not a guarantee. They have no idea how well or how long it will work. I have a feeling its going to be like the flu, its going to be a yearly shot.
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My mom and aunt are bored to tears. No hobbies or interests. They do love going for a ride with family just to look around.
They are taken to a drive through for a lunch treat or a frosty or some kind.
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For a start, I should wait until she actually asks.

You say she is looking forward to restrictions being over so that she can go out, go shopping, see people and all that amazing crazy stuff that we all of us remember so fondly. But although you've both been vaccinated, she's not complaining about still staying safe yet, is she? - so wait until she asks particular questions, and then give her truthful answers.

And perhaps one truth is that this is less to do with Covid and more to do with your fear of her falling? Get some training! And a lightweight, folding wheelchair that you can keep in your car.
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“Yes, I know you want to go shopping Mom, but we still have to wait till everyone else gets their shots. It’s still not safe!”

Just keep kicking it down the road.
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