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Now my Dad who has dementia wants to hire atty and fight. I know that my mother was upset that my father made my only sibling executor and himself Trustee and basically had her sign the new Will without reading over it. Her mistake, but she trusted him. 9 months ago, she changed it s back secretly to the way it was. Her daughter (me) as executor, but she intentionally cut out my father and brother. This has made me look like a money grabber. I assure you that I was the one taking care of my mom while they were off vacationing. I loved my mom and she loved me. I had nothing to do with the changes that she made. I want to just give my brother and dad everything and walk away. But she had her wishes; and I feel I have a duty to carry out hem out.
She did not want the family business sold, nor the family ranch; which is all paid for. I do have an atty. But sure don't want to drag this out and watch lawyers reap the benefits of all those years of hard work done by all. There is so much more to this story, I could write a book. My father has never respected women and he was very abusive to me mom and us two children while growing up. I am 55 now and feel so alone. Any advice that will help me or just sit back and let the lawyers rack up a big $$$$$?

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Hi Doodle, Your question indicates that Dad 'WANTS to hire an attorney' to fight your Mom's will. Sit back and wait until this happens... IF IT HAPPENS. Many people talk about fighting Wills. Often (not always) it is bluster and their personal hurt talking. You may quietly gather appropriate documents SHOULD he actually move on this step. Your Mom's attorney had the responsibility to make sure she was not under duress and that she was competent to create and sign a Will. You have no need to spend money now. Probate the Will, administer the Trust . Proceed with the appropriate steps. If your Dad is not part of these proceedings, there is no need to aprise him of your work on this project.
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Ask your attorney to send your fathers health records for the past two years. This will prove he has dementia, and its severity which could be helpful in a court of law should it go that far.

Try not to take all of this too personally, I know that won't be easy, however, your Mom knew what she wanted for you. As for your father, he has dementia, and that just means that he is not clear of mind and cannot change the deterioration of his brain and can no longer always act in a rational way.
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If your father has documented dementia, not much of what he does is legal. Tell your attorney to tell his attorney the Will is the way your mother wanted it citing the previous Will, and go on with your life. He will die with dementia and then you don't have to worry about him any longer. I am sorry for the loss of your mother.
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Did your brother enjoy those trips with your father without you? Did he try at any time to help you out with caregiving? If he was not considerate of You while you were taking care of your mom, I don't see why you should give him any money.

If your father, is like my father, us females are nothing. We know nothing. We should not talk about things that we know nothing about. (Only males - doesn't matter if my nephew was age 16 - knows more than females.) If we want land, then we should marry a man with land, etc.... The abuse..follows that chauvinistic thinking.

Your mother, saw the reality, when your dad wanted to divorce last year. All that time, she was under his thumb. Yes, I can see her signing the document. Sigh... My oldest brother did that with me. He wanted me to sign over my inherited land as collateral for his apartment loan application. He wanted all of us 8 kids to sign over our land. He locked me in the bedroom, blocked the door, and verbally tore me apart. He said that I am nothing, I will always be nothing.. Over and over - for 30 minutes. I finally agreed to sign the d*mn form so that he can move away from the blocking the door. I left his home, went home and cried for 30 minutes. After i calmed down, I asked around my siblings. Found out which bank was handling the apartment loan application, I called and asked for the loan officer handling my brother's loan. I spoke to that person with shaky voice that my brother had forced me to sign over my land to the bank as collateral..... I sooo totally get where your mom caved in and signed it. I'm pretty sure, you know, that your father would have hounded your mom until she signed it.

Don't give in to your father's pressure. Your mom and you suffered so much under your father. This is your mother's way of righting the wrong that was done to you (and her.) She may not be an out-an-out defender/fighter, but she did it her way. If she had told your father what he did, I'm sure that she knew that he would relentlessly pressure her to change it again. Be at peace. This IS what she wanted. If she thought your brother deserved it, she would have included him. Again, this is what she wanted - leaving him out. Don't feel bad. Like you said, this is what she wanted. So be it.
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If dad has dementia as much as he may talk about getting an attorney and fighting the will he may simply not have the ability to do so. Does he have a family member on his side who will take this on on behalf of your father?
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Dear Doodlebug, awe, I'm sorry for you having to go through this alone. When you say your Mom secretly changed it back to the way it was 9 months ago, it says 2 things to me as a non bias 3rd party. She spelled out her intentions not once, but twice. She was no longer willing to put up with being bullied, nor willing to let you be bullied any longer either. I wouldn't let her down.

Never mind the $ for a minute, but how will you feel the rest of your life if you feel like you let someone "kick her when she was down" so to speak, when she was not there and couldn't even stand up for herself? The sadness and loss is going to be hard enough without having any sinking feelings tacked on when you think of her, her life, who she was, what she stood for, and what she meant to you.

I'd fight. If I wasn't super confident with my ATTNY, I'd have a look around. Is the President of your State Bar Association taking cases like yours? Can that office offer you a referral if that isn't his or her area of expertise? ;-) A lot of times it's the known integrity of an ATTNY that wins a case. Your case is based on nothing but integrity. And yep, I'd sit back and let it go to fees, (worse case scenario), before I'd let him tromp on my Mom again. Of course you are always free to share with your Bro whatever you see fit AFTER it becomes yours, ...I'd bet Mom left you in charge for a reason. ;-)
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I'm not a legal expert, by any means, but it sounds like she may have been trying to protect the property from having to be sold to provide for your father's long-term care. By leaving it to you, it won't be under Medicaid scrutiny, right? That's assuming it was hers to leave. Property laws being what they are, and varying from state to state, if the property was jointly owned, perhaps she only left her "half" to you.

You'll find all that out when you begin the probate process, I'm sure.
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Doodle, I didn't realise how recent your mother's passing was. You must still feel very raw, I'm so sorry.

You mention that your father asked your mother for a divorce last year? That raises two separate points:

1. It explains your mother's decision to alter her will perfectly, and therefore puts any other questions - about your influence, for example - in the shade.

2. It makes me wonder about your father's capacity. Was he serious? Did he understand what he was saying? This is the kind of thing that dementia throws up, and it could be an indication of his mental state over some time.

But either way, and given your mother's care in drawing up her new will, I again really don't think your father's challenge, should it come to that, will get out of the starting blocks. Check with your lawyer, or your late mother's lawyer, by all means; but above all rest your mind. Least of your worries, really. Wishing you comfort.
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Proceed with executing her last will. Dad may or may not have the cognitive ability to go out an hire an attorney. Cross that bridge when you come to it.

Give some more thought about your relationship with your brother. Is the execution of this will going to drive a permanent wedge between you? If that wouldn't be a loss, then don't worry about that either, but I would try to respond to my brother's feelings on this matter if my relationship with him was important to me. Even if the relationship is unimportant to you, brother could take up dad's cause (since he'll benefit, too), and he would be much harder to fight.
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Keep your confidence up and deal with your dad as things come up. I would bet that if he goes to a lawyer, he will be told that he has no case and filing a challenge would cost a bunch. If he finds a shyster who will take his money (I doubt that anyone would take it on contingency as the odds of winning are small) you simply file the medical information with your reply.
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