Mom has doctor shopped in the past, She takes large amounts of narcotic drugs, prescribed by her doctor. She would change doctors when they caught on to her demands. The current doctor is 80, and admitted to me "I do what your mother tell's me." She mismanages her medications, taking 1.5-4 or 6 hours apart, on meds that are normally prescribed 6-8 hours. She states the clocks are messed up so she doesn't know the time is, and many times is taking morning meds at night, then turns around and takes her night meds. constantly confuses information and events. She refuses all assistance. She is retired RN from 205 years or so ago and "knows more than any doctor, pharmacist and any other medical person." My dad has dementia and has been under her "care" for that past 2 years also, until he fell and broke a hip. We have inquired with at least 3 different legal council about applying for guardianship. Without the current primary physician's assistance, we cannot win. When dad ha been in the hospital- 4 times in the last year. almost all the medical staff have asked why my mother is still primary POA and stated she need psychiatric help, yet non including other doctors, will document this behavior stating she is not the patient, so they cannot do anything! Adult protective services has been making monthly visits into the home for about a year. has stated that mom has dementia and should not be caring for dad (or herself) and guardianship should be pursued. However, since there is caring family coming into the home, even though infrequently, (and the State of Illinois has no financial backing to help the agency), they cannot assist in the proceedings. This is so absurd! If we the children were mismanaging their care, we would be arrested or something. But since mom is mismanaging her and dad's care nothing can be done without the "consent" of her doctor, who has already told us he does what she tells him to do!
What will happen will happen. There's only so much you can resolve or remedy when elders are at this crazy tipping point of competence.