My mom is 6 mos post hip replacement, and her recovery has been slow at best. She has been told by surgeon, physical therapist, nurses, etc. that she NEEDS to stand up every hour, NEEDS to make more of an effort to walk with her walker, etc. yet she sits in her recliner all day long. The closest she gets to walking on her own (even if I offer to follow her..she always refuses or makes an excuse why she "can't" right now) is transferring from chair to wheelchair. When the therapist is here, she complains about not being able to do what they're asking her to do, but the PT says she can and she makes her walk the hallway and back and she does it (LOVING this PT!)! There is no good reason my mom CAN'T walk again, nor should she still be wheelchair bound, due to anything other than her lack of compliance and motivation to do the prescribed exercises in between PT visits ("I'm not an exercise person"). If I suggest she do them/walk/etc. I get snapped at, so I basically told her it's all up to her & left it in her lap.
Enter karma. The past few days we noticed her right leg was a lot more swollen than the left, so the home nurse told us to go to her primary dr. & be evaluated. He sent us for an ultrasound of the leg, which revealed a DVT that runs the length of her thigh. From there, we were sent to the ER and she was admitted last night. My Mom, upon hearing what she had, couldn't understand why this has happened! We've all told her the past few months that if she didn't get busy and MOVE that this could happen, along with her muscles atrophying further, etc. It's as if she doesn't "get" that her behaviors are a direct cause to a majority of the issues she is facing - she just complains that now she's got "one more thing" to deal with... "if it's not one thing, it's another..." as if these events are being cast upon her instead of caused by her actions (or non-actions). The "oh poor me" attitude is wearing reeeeally thin.
So at this point, the hospital is starting her on anticoagulant therapy, and may be inserting a filter into one of the veins in case the clot breaks off & becomes an embolism. Not sure how long she will be in the hospital, but to be honest I am grateful for the breather. Part of me hopes they will send her to a SNF afterwards for in-house physical therapy, and depending on her progress there we can decide whether she should even come home again or not. I just can't continue to care for someone who won't help themself get better, and then drags the entire household down with her attitude.
Of course the "good daughter" in me feels guilty for thinking this way, and I know NONE of this is my fault and I can't fix someone that doesn't want to be fixed, etc. - I KNOW all of this in my head...I know I have NOTHING to feel guilty for, so why do I feel this way??? The neverending question....
Any normal person feels guilty, though.
I sure hope you can get your mom in rehab as Chicago suggested. I think you have too much on your plate as it is. For your sake, your mom shouldn't come home right now. Good luck and let us know the outcome.
I went to see my Mom yesterday - the swelling in her leg has gone down considerably, but the lower portion of that leg is purple, I suspect from the poor circulation due to the clots. I know what is coming down the road, and it's not good. I told her "See Mom - THIS (pointing to her leg) is why everyone has been on your case about getting up and walking and moving your legs - so THIS doesn't happen." Her response??? "Well I don't think THAT has anything to do with this." Ignorance? Denial? I don't know...but I'm done. Right then and there I made the decision that she can't come back to my house, and guess what? I had the BEST night's sleep last night - coincidence??? She is being transferred to a SNF either today or tomorrow...the fun begins.
You have given your mother a two-year opportunity to get back on her feet both figuratively and literally. That was very generous of you. I'm afraid your generosity was being exploited. I am so glad you have decided that a care center would be a more suitable place for her. I imagine that she is being transferred to a Transitional Care Unit of a nursing home, for rehab. As you probably have learned, Medicare covers that for a limited number of days and only while she is making progress. If she is noncompliant, Medicare stops paying. After she is through with rehab she can become a SNF resident. Medicare doesn't pay for that. Medicaid does if Mother cannot pay her own way. So part of the fun that begins now may be the application process.
You are making the right decision. Guilt is the default screen saver for caregivers and I suppose feeling that is inevitable. Learn to push it into the background and don't let it drive your decisions. You are doing great!
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