How do I handle this. I have a lot to do and Mom asks if I can help but the minute she starts helping she leaves, goes in her room and takes her jewelry and looks at it. Then she is constantly asking me to help her with cleaning her dresser. I have done that but she just takes her stuff out again. What can I do? Leave her alone with it or what? Thanks!!!
One of the caregivers in my support group said his wife was constantly sorting her earrings and other costume jewelry. Handling all those pretty things was apparently pleasant for her.
I agree with girlhart, it gives them something to do.
If your mom still thinks she can pay the bills & there haven't been any untoward consequences (like the electricity being turned off, etc.), I don't know what you could do. Could you have her bills sent to your house? Would she notice? Can you get on her ckg acct with her, which you really should be anyway. It's so hard. My mom would blame me, too, for things that were missing. That's part of the dementia. Same with the nastiness. My dad threatened to hit me several times, would yell at me in the hallway for all to hear where they lived at the time. Do you have any siblings who can help you?
On the bills, can you have them sent to a post office box of something where you could copy them and get the originals, or copies, to her so she can hide them from you? See if you can set up automatic drafts to ensure they get paid on time. If you have to, make up "fake" bills on the computer to send her so she has something to hide. If her mail goes to her mailbox, can you tell her you are concerned about things being stolen from the mailbox? You know, it just so happens that you saw on the news that there had been a rash of mailbox thefts. I think someone on here called it therapeutic fibbing. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to make sure things get done.
I agree that swapping out the jewelry for some costume fake jewelry might be a good idea, though I'd do it gradually so that it's not a big shock to go from one day where she recognizes the pieces to the next day where nothing is familiar. If you do it gradually, some of the pieces will probably start to become familiar. If she's hiding it all over the place, it's not like it's not already missing from her collection and so I don't see what difference it might make.
Yeah, you might not want to tell the brother or his wife. By the time they start to question if she's capable, it could be a long way down the road if they aren't that interested. I have a brother that only managed to call Dad twice on his own in the 18 months between my parents deaths and never visited him once. I used to make sure that he knew everything that went on anyway, but I'd then also have to put in hours every week responding to his telling me what I should be doing. At one point I figured if he wanted to know what was going on with Dad, he could call. He never did and he quit meddling and putting in his 2 cents to which I had to respond.
Some of these changes might cause questions or concerns for her at first. After awhile of not dealing with them, those thoughts will fade and mom will find herself much happier.
Part of her organizing problem might be that she is scared she's lost something and can't quite admit that. By reorganizing, the hope is that things will turn up and all her fears will be alleviated. I'd suggest that she is protecting herself in some way. When the bills are around, she's reminded that she is losing control. If the bills start to resolve themselves, she can let that fear go.