This morning she told me that I could not be her daughter. She has some dementia and is in the past. Until these past two days it has not been an issue. I know who I am but to have your mom to tell that there is no way I could be her daughter really hit a raw nerve. As all of you know there are a lot of raw nerves.
Right now my mom is in a downturn and seems to be getting worse very quickly. This makes me sad and sort of scared because I really love her and I've pretty much given up my life to make her life better. I used to view her slips as "temporary" and expected her to get better with good rest, etc. but now I know that each time she leaves a little, that much of her is gone for good and I just have to adjust. I hate this Alzheimer's Disease! It really kills everyone involved, one little piece at a time. I sometimes wonder what will be left of me when Mom is gone.
I share your feelings and I don't think we're alone. It is very hard when our loved ones' behavior becomes so obviously out of whack that we can no longer retreat to our denial. Maybe that's why I am upset by it. I hope you get some rest and are able to take a break from caregiving now and then. I believe respite is very beneficial to recharge and keep going. You'll be in my prayers tonight.
Of course it hits a raw nerve. How very sad. Relate to your mom and whatever level she can accept you. You are someone who knows her very well, loves her, and does nice things for her. This she probably gets, even though she can't grasp the exact relationship right now.
She may not understand that you are her daughter, but you know that she is your mother. Continue to hold her in your heart.
You have to be an actress and get in contact with their reality. Anything else doesn't work. You'll never jog them back into our reality.