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My mom is 81 and lost my dad 2 years ago. She was doing great until recently. She had a bad UTI that put her in the hospital. She also fell and broke her arm after that, but refuses to get the surgery needed to repair it. She says it doesn’t hurt anymore and she don’t want to go through all that surgery and physical therapy. She has recovered for the most part from the UTI but she is a bit weak and not back to doing all her usual activities of course.
I stayed at her house for several nights and days after she came home from the hospital. Then I asked her to come stay at my house. I fixed up the spare bedroom and even brought over her cat and provided a litter box for him. She stayed for 3 nights but each morning, early, she would get up and walk home (I live next door). She then said after that that she was ok being at home on her own. A few days passed and she said that she didn’t like being alone and I told her to come back and stay at my house so she did, but she got up the next morning and went home super early again. She did this for a few days but then eventually just wanted to stay at her house but would keep telling me she didn’t like being alone and I would always tell her she could stay at my house just let’s just go to my house.
She won’t stay at my house but keeps saying she don’t like being alone. I don’t feel like I should stay at her house since I have kids, grandkids and a husband at my house (I’m sure that’s part of the reason why she don’t want to stay at my house as it can get a bit chaotic). Am I wrong to want her to stay with me and not go basically live with her? I work full time all day but my daughter and my granddaughter are home all day. My mom would never be alone if she would stay here? What should I do?

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You don't need to do anything. Why do you feel like you should? She lives next door and you are open to her staying over. If she is alone she can just pop over. Maybe having her sleep at your house and stay in hers is the solution. This is not your problem to solve so stop stressing over it. You are not to sleep at her home. Get that out of your mind. Have you asked her what she thinks will solve the problem?
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babsjvd Sep 2022
Well said..
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Leave mom alone on this. In time events will happen that will make the decisions clear. It’s the inevitability of aging. Don’t sleep at her house
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I just skimmed over OPs last post. Please note, the property she lives on is her mother's. Her mother could very well sell it and pay for her AL. IMO, its not the mother who needs to go on Medicaid in a NH so OP can stay where she is but OPs family having to decide what they are going to do so Mom can sell her property so she can go to an AL. As u will read, my solution is either buy the property or see if it can be subdivided and pay for their half then Mom can sell her half and have money for an AL.

What OP wants is to save her home and trying to find a way to do that. Mom knows what she wants.
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"https://www.agingcare.com/questions/concerned-about-keeping-my-home-that-is-on-my-moms-land-and-what-to-do-for-mom-any-advice-476612.htm"

"have kids, grandkids and a husband at my house" I can see why she goes home. You said in your last post Mom wants to go to an AL. Does that mean her property needs to be sold because ALs are private pay? Since the property is hers, then you may need to find other options, meaning moving your trailer or buying Moms property so she has money for an AL. You say your daughter is home all day with her child. Why is she not holding down a job? If your kids are adults, they should be working. If you bought the property, then your kids could live in Moms trailer and pay you rent that would offset the Mortgage needed to buy the property. And you need to buy it at Market Value if Mom needs Medicaid in the next 5 years.

I think you need a good sit down with Mom. Maybe you can sub-divide the property, paying her for your half. At this point, she cannot gift it if she needs Medicaid in the next 5 yrs. But you need to realize that its her property. If she really wants to move to an AL, then you will need to make changes and so will your family.
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