It's making her visibly anxious. She will say she doesn't know what's happening to her, and you can tell it worries her. She's normally sharp as a tack. I'm wondering if it's time for anti-anxiety meds? I have Diazepam 10 mg from a while back when she didn't need them. Maybe it's time now?
My 94 year-old mother does have dementia and some days she is very forgetful and some days she is extremely forgetful. The other day she was bothered by something she was trying to remember. I said, "It's OK if you don't remember it Mom." She was indignant. "What do you mean it is OK not to remember?!" I said because people who live into their 90s do tend to forget things. You are at a place where they understand that and there is a whole staff here that remembers important things for you." That really calmed her down. "Oh. Yes. I am 94 after all." She is very proud of her age!
I am not opposed to anti-anxiety meds, especially if the anxiety is pervasive. But I would go real heavy on the reassurances. It is OK for someone in their 90s to forget some things. You are there to watch over her and make sure nothing important gets left undone. She can relax. You are going to make sure that her poor memory isn't going to get her in trouble.
Can you imagine how you would react if you realized you lost your train of thought mid-sentence? How anxious you would be if you knew you couldn't count on your own memory? Try to imagine that, and then tell your mother the things you think you would want to hear.
My husband was fully aware of his dementia through his ten-year journey with it. When I went into an appointment with him he would explain, "She has to be here. She is my memory." It is terrible to know you can't count on your own mind, but it is a little less terrible if you can trust that someone else has your back.
What meds is mom taking? Look each one up on drugs.com and checkout side effects and drug interactions. When mom started having hallucinations and vivid dreams we discovered (after about 9 months) that 4 medications that she was taking all had the side effects of causing these problems. We removed them all and found substitutes...and things got better. Mom forgets things mid sentence...and worries about getting ALTIMERS, and that can make her anxious. i forget things too especially if I have not had the right amount of sleep or good nutrition. Mom drink ensure? take supplements? anything?
I also like to avoid medication as much as possible. She was on both anti-depressant meds AND dementia meds when she moved in with me, and since taking her off of those, she is so so much more lucid and interactive, and, well, alive. So... I will watch for more signs of dementia and then consider the next step. I'll also watch for signs of UTI infection. Thank you, everyone!
I'm sure that avoiding medication can be a good thing for some folks. In my mom's case, all the reassurance in the world didn't stop her from seeing doom and gloom around every corner, but two antidepressant meds have turned her into a happy camper who is glad to have company and happy to be alive at nearly 92.