Mom is crying because visiting grandkids have not called yet. How do I calm her?

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Mom is crying because visiting grandkids have not called yet. How do I calm her?

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Great grandkids are on leave from the army in Germany. The landed on Friday and left to visit the grand-daughter-in-law’s family.
They have not called my mom or anyone on our side of the family since landing. My mom’s feelings are hurt because they haven’t called her and she is crying.

Grandparent Relationships

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We always say the phone works both ways. I get that you might not want to bother someone who is busy but sometimes that can come across as being disinterested, instead of waiting for a call how about you or she calling them and asking when would be a good time you can all get together?

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Tell her you are certain they are utterly EXHAUSTED after such a flight. Tell her how many hours it is and tell her about jet lag. Tell her they have many family members and friends.
Is this a matter of dementia? Because I find myself that our kids and our grandkids and our great grandkids get their own lives, go their own way. Just a fact of life.
Tell her you are sorry she is sad.
There is little else you can do.

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I see this crying the same as I do a tantrum. It’s just more brat behavior. And how do we stop kids from being brats? We tell them that they’re not the center of anyone’s universe.

With the great grands on military leave, a realistic expectation would be maybe squeezing in a group call.

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Or it could be that Mom's feelings are genuine and the GREAT GRANDKIDS are being brats by ignoring Great Grandma. Sometimes elders do act bratty but this may not be one of those situations and I think it's rather harsh to assume so. Her sadness and feelings are valid. Telling her she's not the center of the universe is a pretty bratty thing to do as well in this circumstance.

I always firmly nudged my kids to visit and talk on the phone with my mom, and now, even though my mom has forgotten a lot of people in her life due to dementia, she still remembers my kids and loves to see them and still feels connected to them. Her other grandkids stopped visiting her YEARS ago despite having had a close relationship, and now she doesn't recognize them at all. In fact, she saw them for a rare visit over the holidays and was terrified of them. It was so sad for everyone. So in my opinion neglecting a grandparent that you love is far brattier than being sad that your grandkids are ignoring you.

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Just wondering, since when do we call a crying 90 year old with hurt feelings over not getting a phone call from visiting family a 'brat' throwing a tantrum?? I raised 2 children and all of their tears were not 'tantrums' or them being 'brats'. Sometimes their tears were genuinely tears of fear or sadness or justified hurt of some kind that did not automatically warrant a time out or me ignoring them. Unless the OPs mother has a long history of throwing tantrums or acting like a demanding 'brat', I would not ignore her but instead try to fix the situation and get past it. A bit of compassion goes a lot further than anything, especially in this case, I think. You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

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Unfortunately a lot of people who have experienced manipulative family dynamics tend to see everyone else's relationships through the same lens.

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So they are your grandkids and her greatgrands? And they are visiting your grand daughter-in-laws family i.e. a grandson's wife's family? Sounds like they are just closer with that side of the family, or they have more in common with them, or they live somewhere that they'd rather be. I'd text them and wish them a nice vacation but put no pressure on them for a visit. Text them that your mom sends them her best and would love to hear from them before they leave.

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At 90 years old, emotions tend to run away with your mom and rational thought escapes her. She's 'expecting' immediate phone calls when such a thing does not make sense. What does make sense is for YOU to call THEM and put mom on the phone. Get the whole situation in hand by taking it into your own hands to fix, thereby calming mom down in the process.

If crying is something mom is prone to do, you may want to get her an appt with her PCP for calming meds to have on hand. A low dose Rx for Xanax is never a bad thing to have available. Also, speak to the PCP about possible depression she may be dealing with. I know that both my parents were facing depression at that age for various reasons, health conditions they had no control over, mainly. Wellbutrin worked well for mom, and Zoloft did wonders for dad.

Best of luck.

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Send a quick text to the GGK's asking for an update on how they are doing and if they will be able to put in time visiting with GGma. Then show/read any response text to GGma.

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‘Leave’ may be only a couple of weeks, less with flight times. Lots of things to do, people to see, even time to have fun. Don’t ask for a visit, just a phone call.

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Is this unusual for her to be so upset? If so, I would have her checked for a UTI.

Does she take any meds for anxiety?

Can you ring up the kids and ask them to call for a brief chat?

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I agree Mom is acting like a demanding brat. Don't call let them call her when they want. Ignore Mom's tears.

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Or it could be that Mom's feelings are genuine and the GREAT GRANDKIDS are being brats by ignoring Great Grandma. Sometimes elders do act bratty but this may not be one of those situations and I think it's rather harsh to assume so. Her sadness and feelings are valid. Not calling them to "punish" her for being sad would be the brattiest behavior of all.

I always firmly nudged my kids to visit and talk on the phone with my mom, and now, even though my mom has forgotten a lot of people in her life due to dementia, she still remembers my kids and loves to see them and still feels connected to them. Her other grandkids stopped visiting her YEARS ago despite having had a close relationship, and now she doesn't recognize them at all. In fact, she saw them for a rare visit over the holidays and was terrified of them. It was so sad for everyone. So in my opinion neglecting a grandparent that you love is far brattier than being sad that your grandkids are ignoring you.

Mom is crying because visiting grandkids have not called yet. How do I calm her?

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