Mom is seeing dead people. What do I say?

Murphy: I've used that term too-"stroke out" and I agree here.

I think the most important thing is to let people know they are loved by your actions. No matter how much we try to say everything we want to say before someone passes, I think that there's always something left unsaid because even when death is expected, it still comes as a surprise. There will always be a last word that wasn't uttered but I do believe that people will know how they were loved by a kind gesture, assistance during the final days or hours and so on.

Leolonnie1, no need to get so yourself so worked up. You might stroke out.

Indeed. I suppose everyone is trying to get their point across. I know that most of us are just trying to appease our loved ones one way or another. Maybe we just shouldn't be as vocal as we are in trying to inject our views upon others. If I am guilty of that, I apologize. I haven't the right.

CaregivingNYC: That's what I said about being a little kinder.

Hearing is the last sense to go. Keep talking to her. Tell her you love her and you know that she loves you.

Ggii, keeping you and your dear Mom in my thoughts & prayers these days. God bless both of you.

Gigi I hope Mom is being given pain relief. Do not be afraid of a little morphine, ou don't want to watch mom die suffering. may god bless you both.

She is lucky to have you by her side, Ggjj11 ... thanks for keeping us posted. Never easy but what an honor to behold. (((HUGS)))

A few weeks

Gg here and now my mom is unresponsive. Can't talk,open eyes,temp lower,if touched cries out with moan,mandible chewing. She is being turned every couple hrs on side with oxygen. She has stopped eating and drinking a few was now. 60 lbs. I know she can hear me when I tell her who I am,daughter, and that I love her. Her lower lip quivers ever so slightly. Love this site as this is very hard on me.

This is a tricky topic. Let's all try to be helpful and not hurtful. Dont' judge. Dying is an uncharted territory. I have read about doctors who believe in near death experiences and bedside visitations from the dead and others who don't. They are close to death on a daily basis and they don't even know everything. I do know that science has finally caught up with the poets and are admitting that people can pass on because of a broken heart. So, who knows what they'll discover about death in the future? There are often multiple reasons why a person is acting a particular way. That's why it is so hard to be a caregiver. Caregivers are always left behind with a lot of questions left unanswered. I think it's impossible to do everything perfectly so let's be kind.

May I say these forums are to be helpful, but more often than not they're turning into boxing matches. Let's try to be a little kinder. Ty.

After decades worth of people sharing near death experiences and feeling the joy & love associated with "Heaven", it's impossible to ignore the facts. Others can call it 'hallucinations' associated with 'dementia', and I'm sure there ARE real hallucinations associated with real dementia, but not all contact from deceased loved ones fit into that category. What continually baffles me is the insistence from religious groups that such a thing is not possible! What is religion supposed to teach us but that life is eternal.....yet to say we've heard from deceased loves ones is considered a 'sin' or blasphemous? Please!

Caregiving NYC: "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." - Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

My MIL with advanced dementia woke abruptly out of a nap this morning before breakfast, laughing loudly saying "he won't stop talking!" and looking around bright eyed and smiling! Then she saw me and said "oh, he's not here" (my FIL who died 6 yrs ago), and looked a little sad. I said to her "maybe he was wishing you a happy Mother's Day?" to which she answered "I'll take whatever I can get from that end of the road". We are both followers of Christ, so our faith in what lies ahead for us is real. I thanked the Lord for this gift this morning ... encouragement to continue on this long journey of caregiving.

I'm not certain about the Bible, although I've read it, but I was less than five years old when I had the classic near death experience--down a tunnel of light, feeling waves of love coming swallowing me up--seeing people welcoming me.....now how would I have know about that tunnel of light when I was under five years old?
I can only testify about what I've seen and felt---including seeing my father experience a "sighting" when he was close to death.
There are a lot of things in the universe that we don't know about--does that mean they don't exist? Those who are open to the experience are more likely to understand it.... I truly believe that we are spiritual beings in human form and that "heaven" is not somewhere up there...it might actually be right next to us but operating at such a high frequency of energy that we can't see or feel it--just like those high-pitched sounds that we can't hear.

Murphy, what's sad is that you think you're an 'expert' on all of life (and death) because of how YOU have interpreted the Bible. There's nothing worse than such an 'expert' who is so closed-minded, that the truth cannot possibly be heard. What people look for on these forums is SUPPORT, not fear, not judgment, and not words that exacerbate fear, even when such words come from the Bible. Let common sense and SUPPORT prevail!

In the last two months, my slowly-declining mother has been entering into dementia. She's been talking - all the time - about my deceased father as if he's in the present. She never did this before. In fact, we didn't talk about my father for years because it's so painful knowing he's no longer with us. I don't correct her. I don't deny her. I just go along with whatever she says though it tears me up inside. When I leave her room is when I'll allow myself to get teary-eyed because I don't want her to see me like this. I want her to feel that she's in a safe and secured environment and that I'm her rock until the end. Her dementia is my first experience with this illness and I believe she talks about my father because she's scared and knows her time is coming but doesn't know how to express her fear so she compensates by talking about him. If talking about him makes her transition to the "other side" easier for her, then so be it. To me, it's not "hallucinations", it's realization of the unknown on the "other side". I just want her to be as comfortable as possible. That's what we all want in the end. As long she's not harming herself, others, or is not screaming all hours of the day and night, then there's no reason to put her on drugs for hallucinations because the side effects can be so awful and I don't want this for her; sometimes the treatment can be worse than the disease and you have to weigh the risks vs. the benefits compared to quality of life. She's 100% comfort care at this point.

i hope its the bee gees and the brothers " GIB " . the earth aint gonna be better till those sucks are dead .singing " stayin alive " to a dying person ..
thats fn rich ..

Wondering, sorry you're so offended with my posting about the bible, and I'm sure you aren't the only one. But why aren't you giving actual bible verses to show that the "spirits" speak or appear to a person alive on earth? What anybody on this earth, sick or well, THINKS they personally can see or experience is another story altogether and where people go way off the deep end with nothing real to back them up. If they "feel it," it must be true (?) these days. As a believer in the bible as it stands, I know Luke 16:19-31 (KJV) is definitely NOT just a "story." Verse 19 says "there was a certain man," verse 20 says "a certain beggar." These were actual people who lived. This actual beggar went to "Abraham's bosom," not yet heaven, as Christ had not died yet to take the dead to heaven. The rich man went to hell. The bodies stayed on earth in their graves. Jesus relates that Abraham said to the rich man "between you and us there is a great gulf fixed; so that they which would pass from hence to you cannot; neither can they pass to us, that would come from hence." One can learn from this that the dead are in an isolated place and cannot truly communicate with the living and that the word of God contains all we need to know about life and eternity. And Alzheimer patients most assuredly do hallucinate often about dead and living folks. The bible mentions nothing about folks on the other side providing comfort and guidance to somebody when they pass; that is popular belief but not biblical. The bible position on even trying to communicate with the dead is even rougher, but I'll stop there, since there are "mediums" and other folks on the forum. To each his own.

Ggjj: Many prayers going out to you from me...

Ggii..........it sounds like your dear Mom is approaching the end of life, based on her symptoms. My Dad was under hospice care for the last 2 weeks of his life, and he stopped eating entirely. His breathing slowed down to 4-5 breaths per minute, which was very difficult to witness (for me). His vital signs & oxygen levels were all normal, however, right up until 2 hours before he passed. About 12 hours or so before he passed, it sounded like he was breathing underwater.........also known as the 'death rattle', which is an unmistakable (and unforgettable) sound. Everyone's death experience is different, so there is no 'normal', really. If your Mom is ready and wanting to pass, then just tell her it's OK to go. Many folks hang on and on, until they're told by a loved one that it's alright to let go.

Sending you a big hug this evening. I know how truly difficult it is to watch someone you love journey towards the end. She will be okay soon, and all suffering will be finished as she becomes whole again in spirit.

Once you access the kokuamau website search for The Last Stages of Life.

Kokuamau. I added it, else it's lost in the shuffle.

I have bookmarked this site as I found it to be a very detailed description of the end of life. I hope you find it to be helpful and can access it before the link is removed
kokuamau

This morning nursing home called and said mom was unresponsive and oxygen level low. She has dimentia and is on palliative care. Couple hrs later tiny better. Is this the norm for someon who is dying. Not eating hardly at all. 65 lbs. up down and don't know what is happening. She is Dnr no tests,oxygen,iv,feeding tube.wants to die.

Ggjj: Dr. John Hamer is a long-time alcoholic and his brain is that of a person with dementia. He will die from alcohol poisoning. I apologize if this offends you in some way. I am SO sorry about your mother. I am no moron, but just sharing facts. I understand about altered minds seeing people.

I'll put a name to the alcoholic seeing persons on his land-line phone and in his tree, deceased or alive-Dr. John Hamer. Insulted or not, it is true.

Ggjj, my mom sees things all the time that are not there. She gets worse when she has a UTI but even without one she sees people who are long gone. One other thing to note is my mother has macular degeneration and even before her dementia started she would see faces all the time. But now its dementia related. I have found that just trying to redirect the conversation helps and works most of the time. Or you can say they dont seem like they want to chat today, if she gets upset that they dont answer. Everything is mixed up in her brain right now, poor thing. Best you can do is comfort her when you can and know it will pass. I have found it unhelpful to correct mom as that makes her mad sometimes. We have to step into there world and try and understand it is very different from reality, but to them it is very real. Hang in there, we are here to support you.

Ggii.......the trouble with forums is that there will ALWAYS be inappropriate posts, even with a subject as sensitive as dementia. These days, all a person has to do is post something........anything........and the arguments & ignorant comments will start flying around left & right. Just ignore the silly ones, and don't bother feeling insulted, it's not worth it!