Mom passed away yesterday. How do we handle things collectively without discourse?

Also document things that are going on. I had ao much stuff happening, it was hard to keep it straight. It's good to do that.
Ex: my brother said he had the will on such * such date. No I couldn't look at it.
Im sorry I keep hijacking your thread. I apologize. I've just had so much happen to me bc of my sibling.
I also advise checking out the unclaimed property in your state in your mom's name. I found out my parents had a few thousand there. My sibling got that, and I never saw anything. But at least you can say these accts were there, I have the paperwork. Get a date on the print out if you can.

What makes him think he has the right to do that. It’s awful at the behavior of siblings. I really had no issues with my sister after my Mom passed but she was terrible through giving cate. I am so sorry for you

You need to determine if your brother has power of attorney for financial decisions for your mother. If no will exists, that does not mean you have no legal recourse. It would be best to consult an attorney (or your mother's attorney if she had one--sounds doubtful if you do not know of a will). Who was most involved in your mother's care, if anyone? If you cannot afford to pay for a lawyer yourself, there should still be some resources available to you. Locally, my county bar association provides free legal services to low income clients. It seems it would be unwise to get into a battle with your brother without knowing what legal standing you have, if any.

I’m sorry for your loss. Since you are already worried about how things will proceed, I urge you to seek legal advice immediately. Estate law can be complicated and will vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, so you want advice from someone who practices where your Mom’s residence is.

I’m sorry for your loss. Since you are already worried about how things will proceed, I urge you to seek legal advice immediately. Estate law can be complicated and will vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, so you want advice from someone who practices where your Mom’s residence is.

That is unfortunate. My parents, and particularly my mother worked things out ahead of time. She made lists of all she had and divided the items up based on our interests, sizes of our homes, and each of us got some duds. She kept asking me if I wanted her dining room table and sideboard. I already had a nice dining room table and didn’t want hers nor the sideboard. I ended up with the sideboard anyway. I told the sister who got the dining room table I was selling the sideboard as my house was way too small to accommodate it. She could have it if she wanted it or it would go like an old horse to the knackers yard. She kept telling me she didn’t want it but she took it. I asked why it bothered her if I sold it? I think she just wanted to keep it in the family.

The problem is lack of communication and dislike of one another. Everyone should have known that death was eminent. The brother can’t just change the locks. You have to check in whose name the property is. If it is in your deceased parent’s name, the house has to go probate. If the house is in trust, the paperwork should be made available.

You need to get an arroyo help you.

Sounds like you may need an estate lawyer.

Do you have other siblings who may pitch in.

Reading your post leaves so many questions.

Get a lawyer immediately.

Good luck.

SadlyYours: I am so sorry for your loss of your mother and send you deepest condolences. You state further down this thread that your brother has not moved in yet. Nevertheless, perhaps you should retain an elder law attorney.

It’s truly disturbing to read some of these posts. Some suggestions are not appropriate or fiscally sound. Hiring lawyers to fight over a bunch of stuff? Note that the legal fees could cost more than the items are worth. If your lawyer works on a contingency basis — it isn’t free, but rather, usually costs even more—, unless you completely lose, you eventually will pay all those legal fees and legal costs (the lawyer may even wind up with more than you). Does anyone recall the tale of the calico cat and the gingham dog? (They both lost). The stress of pursuing a case may also damage your health.

If it’s particular possessions you want to inherit, let your parents know during their lifetime so they can either give it to you or plan their estate accordingly. If you don’t (or didn’t) let them know, then it must not have been that important to you in the first place. It wasn’t meant to be. If they don’t give you some specific thing, respect their wishes.

If you don’t want to bring it up during their lifetime because you are afraid you might sound grabby or predatory, you are probably right. People’s feelings are (or at least should be) more important than things and money.

if someone else in your family takes the brass lion that you wanted, enjoy the journey of finding one at your local antique mart. When it’s all said and done, you are an adult and you have been living your grown up life without that lace doily. You don’t really need it. If your sister “steals” the stamp collection, did you really want it on your coffee table anyway?

If you respond, “… but, it’s the ‘principle’,” —stop yourself— by definition, haven’t you really lost sight of all principles when you fight over “stuff?”

If it’s your parents’ money you want, work for it and earn it yourself instead. Get another job in the time you spend lamenting about money on this forum. The greatest gift our parents have given us is to teach us to work hard and be self sufficient. Your sibling can’t steal your own potential. When we earn it for ourself we also gain self respect.

At the end of the day the knick knacks and money we inherit are all left behind when we depart too. What a silly waste to spend our short time on earth focused on a bunch of discarded junk instead of having fun, enjoying life and being kind to others.

I may have missed another response from you so I apologize if this question has been answered, but why does your brother think that he is entitled to your moms home? Was he her caregiver for years? Did you and your other brother assist with moms house and/or care? Just trying to figure out why he doesn't think you and your other brother would be involved with the dispensing of moms estate.

Lawyers are expensive, but if you think that your third of moms estate is a large amount, it may be worth it.

Have you and your other brother approached this brother to ask what he thinks he is doing? Tell him that if he doesn't have this conversation with you, the next conversation you have will be with a lawyer.

It's been a while since your initial post. I'm wondering where you are with him occupying the property. I hope things have worked out.

You think you know your family until massive challenges come up. Like a lot of commenters here, I suffered the entire time I was taking care of my father's medical issues and, by default, the **** house and yard. Now, we are planning the funeral and I shouldn't say "we" because they asked me to take care of the flowers, the mass readings, and the music. And I am doing it. Then we have the nightmare of probate and selling the house. Probate will most likely take a little less than a year to wrap up and in this market the house will sell quickly.

I have learned a lesson about myself. I throw myself into taking care of things and then hope for recognition. I am going to try to stop doing this.

Get yourself down to the court house and take whomever you want to solve this problem with and become executor of the estate. Most likely it will fall into the hands of the group of remaining siblings and the ones that don't want to be involved will have to sign a document that says they want to be excluded.
The real property actually falls into the next of kin area, and that would be all the siblings. Said brother can buy the rest of you out if he wants the house.
I had a similar situation. The things in the house are going to be pilfered and plundered most likely. That part really sucks, if he has locked the home, the only thing that is really keeping you out is not having a good set of bolt cutters.
Don't get into a knock down drag out with what remains of the family. It will end most likely with either someone going to jail, or an restraining order from one to the others.