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I found my stuff in her bags. So I confronted her. I didn't want to make a big deal, so I just told her what I found in her bag and to please just put it back. She left to go back home and I realized she stole from me again. How do I deal with this? She is 83 years old.

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Ciaobella, is this new behavior? Or has she always done things like this? If she wasn't the type of person to take things before, it sounds as if she may be confused. Does she seem otherwise OK?
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Maybe she developed kleptomania.
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Questions questions, I'm afraid...

Where does your mother live the other seven months of the year?
What is her state of health, physical and mental?
WHAT "stuff", and where did she lift it from? It makes a huge difference. Your wallet, from the kitchen counter, could be a simple mistake. Your classic punk rock collection, from inside your sound system, then you have to wonder if her brain is working right.

Also... if you didn't want to make a big deal of it, why didn't you just retrieve the items and return them yourself, without comment? How did your mother respond when you talked to her about this? - did she seem to understand, was she sorry, what?
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I agree with countrymouse more information is needed.
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83 years old is within the age range for dementia. Has she been checked?
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We had a family member that began stealing as what we later realized was the early stages of Alzheimer's. A fine Christian lady who could not explain why she was taking things she didn't even need from stores and homes, most often didn't seem to remember taking them. She was living alone and still functioning well when this began.
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In the home my Mother was in, people would go right into her room when no one was there and steal from her. I guess it is a dementia thing.
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If this is new behavior, please tell her doctor. So many of us on here know, as that plaque spreads through the brain, we see new behaviors from our loved ones. If that’s what is causing her to steal, then she probably has no control over it. Perhaps check her bags now every time she leaves.
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As CountryMouse said - why didn't you just put the stuff back?

Also, a lot depends on "what" she is lifting. If it is inconsequential, let it go. But if it is valuable, you may need to "check her luggage" before she leaves.

I have heard of this - she really can't help herself and with Dementia, she will most likely forget you checked her bag upon leaving.

Compare it to checking your child's backpack for "forbidden" goods.
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My sister has done this to me from childhood. She justifies her actions by the time she is away from me. The longer the separation the more she believes she can get away with. She claims short term memory loss for her defense. She expects me to forget and forgive whatever she does next. So far the worst was my complete coin collection stolen in mid 60's. It didn't destroy my life. Everything else has been petty but never forgotten. She is still my sister.
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One solution would be to lock up whatever you can. For example, EnoughSaid had a coin collection stolen, and hopedly nothing important will be stolen again. Obviously not everything can be locked up, but the saying "hurt me once--shame on you; hurt me twice--shame on me!" applies here.
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I was a therapist in nursing homes for decades. There were many residents that were in various stages of dementia that were collectors. They wandered around, rifling through other rooms, end tables, and would pick up things and hoard them in their room. I always thought it was because of a restlessness vague free floating anxiety similar to how you feel when you have misplaced something. One woman had thousands of straws in her drawer, one picked up shiny things.
My Dad “steals” those gift cards in stores and hoards them at home. They are not worth anything unless they are activated,but I am not sure he knows that.
Often, the rules that apply to the general population-do not take things without permission-are rules that don’t apply to the elderly with brain damage, memory problems, executive problem solving problems.
One other thing, even if she knows the items are not hers, she may think she should have them for some reason we will never know. I would never call it stealing-more like collecting-you will never know how an 80+ year old brain functions.
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Agree with prairie lake. I don't think she'd knowingly take from you. It does sound like possible dementia, and that's a much bigger issue. I hope you get her to a doctor to run tests. It would help to know what kind of items. Like cash or box of little Debbie's?
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Can you provide more info?
New behavior
Kind of items stolen
Her reaction to being caught

My mom takes money from my wallet, pills from my medicine cabinet and easily hidden valuables, intentional and knowingly - yep, she's a thief. I never leave anything I care about where she has access. So you can see why more info would be helpful.
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I agree that there is too little information, but the suggestions above are all good. My experience with, memory loss and other issues of aging is that it's not "theft" in the way the word is used normally. Sometimes the believe it is theirs; they have something similar and believe it is theirs, they think it will be "needed" on their trip or especially at Assisted Living . They don't remember taking or hiding something and are usually horrified when it is revealed that they took something. My friend will take the dog leash, my iphone, a fork, a loaf of bread or a whole shelf of books and stash them somewhere in her room. This is fairly challenging, but it is not theft - rather a fairly common action typical of Dementia.
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Ciao Bella
Could be a sign of dementia as stated earlier. My mom 83, would move her shoes around- under her bed or leave it outside in the garage, etc. Then blame my husband for taking them "cause he wants her to move out." NOT true! Maybe time to have mom see her doctor to find out what's causing behavior.
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My mother did similar things in the later stages of Dementia. She would never have done this before the disease.
Actually it was more that she liked it and if it was laying there it ended up in her pocket. Then she wouldn't know where it came from.
She was living with me and we would go to my Sisters in Ky. So we would just check her stuff and laugh about what we found. No biggy...
As long as you have time with Mom, Love her and let her know it and most of all "don't sweat the small stuff".
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My Mum has taken my things on quite a few occasions. She has stolen my jeans, my shoes and quite a few other things. She has always believed the items were hers and found it really funny when I told her she had taken my things. Unfortunately the jeans and shoes were both ruined, as she had worn them, despite them not fitting her and she stretched them.

It does make me worry about what else she might take - as far as I know she hasn't done it to anyone else.
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Isabelsdaughter, demented people do not steal! They only take what they believe belongs to them. Don't know if that's the case here. Does this mother have financial problems? What exactly does she "steal"?
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Confronting her is a waste of time. She is likely to deny everything. Obviously you must lock up your valuables. Does she steal from other relatives?
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Ciaobella, I am confused as your profile says you care for your mother at home. So, okay I'll assume that you only have 5 months of caregiving duty and the other 7 is left to someone else. A few questions come to mind--
#1 Has she always had "sticky fingers?"
#2 Does she suffer from dementia?
#3 Is she poverty stricken?
#4 Is she unaware that she's even doing this? (People with dementia in facilities [yes, I know this is not the case here] often steal and wear other people's clothing. It's not uncommon.}
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It is dementia. My husband has LBD and wanders the house some nights. It sometimes takes me 1 - 2 hours to undo what he did the night before. Pictures will be off the walls and piled up near his bedside, bathroom cabinets and drawers will be completely emptied out - who knows where I'll find the items. He simply doesn't remember. Check here bags before she leaves without her seeing you do it - she will never know .
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You don't say whether your mother has dementia or not - and whether the behavior is new. If she has had a history of taking from you for most of your adult life, then she is a kleptomaniac. In that case, I recommend not allowing her to visit your house any longer, since she cannot be trusted.

In the meantime, you might consider installing "nanny cams" in various rooms to see if you can catch her in the act. Then have her view the films with you and see how she responds. If she claims that she does not even remember doing it, she might have some type of psychiatric disorder or dementia.
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Just check her bags before she leaves. Do not check them in front of her, but when she is out of the room. You should not make a big deal, as I am sure she has some type of dementia. Having dementia she might think they are hers, especially if you have same products or very similar. No need to make her feel bad or upset over the issue. You should try and see her more as their will be a time she will not know you.
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At 83 she loves you. She is doing her best to bring and keep a little of you in her heart and home when away. Parents tend to get afraid as the days turn short and the nights too long when they feel they may pass away any second. Assure her of your love and devotion o matter what and make it your business to purchase small gift items to share and give to her when she comes for the visits. Have mercy on mom....for her skae and yours!
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If she is now picking up what she seems to think of hers if they have little to no monetary value - yes you paid quite a bit for a figurine but what is resale value & that's what you have to look at - she likes your taste in things which could quite probably be similar to hers because she raised you [take it as a compliment]

However if she is picking things with good resale value then the gypsy existance of moving several times a year between you & I'm guessing other siblings means she is unsure of her financial position for now & the future so she may be trying to make a hoard of items to sell to keep her head above water in the future

You [& the others] need to evaluate which of the above is her motivation & then see how you need to proceed depending on her motivation ... to not steal but secrete items from you & quite possibly others for various reasons

If it is the begining of dementia I suggest that you offer to help her pack from now on because last time 'Last time, I missed giving your some items from the laundry ... sorry mom by doing this together we'll make sure it doesn't happen again' ... this removes her culpability from the equation & makes it a joint project but you can oversee it - if she has any of your things then either slip them under the bed for now or say 'I know you are so familiar with this that your thought it was yours but it belongs here' - does she take items she originally gave you because that might trigger a memory of buying it so she thinks it is hers
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We all seem to agree that much more information is needed. One other thought , in addition to what has already been mentioned: what is her financial status? Is she trying to take trinkets that she thinks can be sold for a tiny bit of spending cash?
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My Dad w/ congestive heart failure ended up in an ALZ ward for personal reasons- big guy w/ aggressive issues. The real ALZ patients swiped stuff all the time. A former nun (very sad) took ONE of his new slippers and then spent the morning walking up and down the halls till we tracked her down. The very compassionate nurse didn't scold, just gently slipped it off her foot and onto my Dad's foot. She had no clue about "ownership". An ALZ patient still at home took a watch from me while I was doing dishes at church. Later after he passed away his widow found the watch at their home tucked inside a bottom sheet on a bed in their guest room! I agree, less scolding and more medical evaluation.
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When my mother was in a nursing home in Pennsylvania some 5 years ago, there was a woman who went into other people's rooms and took things. As I recall, she took another woman's dentures and threw in a trash bin. She also took clothes and put them on. In a way it was unfortunate that she was in such excellent physical condition that she could wander all over the place in a matter of minutes--sometimes I wonder if the best thing is for one's mind to deteriorate at the same rate as the body!
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I forgot to say that after you remove your items from her bag - but before you replace them to where they were - give her a hug and tell her you love her.
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